Saturday, December 29, 2007

Here we are... in such a cute little house with deep snow all around. What the heck is my life? I never even considered moving prior to July... God just orchestrated this.

It was a smooth trip. Toby sang and played his keyboard and talked and watched cars go by and was pretty happy in general. Bean slept most of both drives. We drove 8 hours the first night, and stopped and stayed with Nate's family in Tulsa. Then about a 4 hour drive yesterday, and then a couple of frustrating hours driving trying to find a bank, and the realtors. Finally we got here. It's a pretty, small house. Beautiful wood floors and everything is freshly painted. Toby likes to run the wood floors from one end to the other whilst shrieking. So he's all settled in.

Then it was off to the airport to get Grandma and R2, who had had adventures all day waiting in airports, and getting delayed, and switching planes and so on. All of which R2 thought was VERY exciting. He was so excited when he and I were in the backseat of the van, he was using words and telling me about the airplane and the sky and all of his adventures. When we got to the house, he was really curious about the snow, but me, not so much. Maybe I'll let him play with a little snow today, when the SUN is out.

Now I am cowering in my bed, afraid to face the cold floors and try to find everything. The boys are still sleeping, or frozen.

So there you go. We made it, and today is the first day in the Big Winter.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

on the road here... I'm excited all of the sudden. Its a pain to type on the iPhone so I'll catch up later!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

It was a very Merry Christmas... fun and family and such. I did spend too much time in worry mode, as is typical of me and holidays. But overall very happy.
Yesterday around 3 we got back from the Clarks, and KSBJ was merrily playing in the background. R1 switched it off and said, "Okay. Christmas is OVER." Then I said, "Welcome to hell." Which was hilarious, and I wish he would have said it.

So today is the big pack day. We have about half of our stuff packed, and I am supposed to be doing more now, or at least laundry. Just wanted to check in.... I'll be able to blog from Richy's iPhone even when all the computers are packed, so fear not.

Took a gazillion pictures over Christmas, (and saw the Josharoos!) but I won't be able to put any of those up till next week sometime, from my little blue house in the heart of America.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Lunching with the mommies... updates later
Happy Birthday, Georgia!

Okay, back. Last night was the Christmas party. Which, as you know, I am all about Christmas and parties. Unless I have to do something that takes work. Luckily, that was not the case. We improvised a skit... me and Jacob and Richy and Nick (Sanctuary Church). It had singing and dancing and questionable doctrine. We came in second place, to Nate and Leah in tights and Christmas tunics. Yes, both of them.

People keep saying the funniest thing to me. "Are you all ready to go? Packed and ready?" Are you kidding me? Heck no I am not packed. Without my trusty companion Richy, I am useless in the packing department. So, no. But tomorrow we will be packing fools, I imagine.

Lunch at China Delight today... my last time for a while. Dropped my books off at the library, didn't pick up any new ones. Wow. This is becoming real.

Today is the MOG's last day at Simplify. Well, he will still be working part time from home in KC. But his last day going to the office. It was God's provision, and I was grateful for it. But I will be really glad to get him back.

Doing some political thinking... I won't blog on it till my thoughts are clearer.

and a very Merry Christmas to you all!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

These anonimis get pretty snarky come late afternoon. I am here, I am posting now. First, I had to put up this pretty cool weather widget ---->
Not exactly what I wanted, but close!
Also, there is the matter of these three children, who continually require food and such.

I think I am starting to get excited about moving. Which sounds terrible and disloyal and so on. But I'm not excited about leaving YOU... I'm excited about the adventure. Which is as it should be. And I'm excited about a new city, and a new Walmart, and a new library... and I am VERY nervous. I'm afraid of being lonely, or homesick. I'm afraid of being scared to drive in the snow, I am also excited about the snow. And, I am talking like a nut.
Cest la vie.

Tonight is the Radiant/Tred Christmas party. Oh heck... I'm supposed to make a snack. I will leave you now.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Christmas is 5 days away. There are a jillion little presents under our tree.... because I went a little nuts and wrapped everything separately. As in, one little Hot Wheel car. One tub of playdoh... it was fun and it will be interesting to see how it goes Christmas morning. I imagine once Toby opens his piano, he won't care about anything else. I am a Christmas junkie. I love it. the music and the movies and the shopping madness and all of it. Interesting, nothing spiritual there. I don't associate it so much with the birth of Jesus... wonder if I am just a crass commercialist American?
I'll think about it. But now, let's have a little poll.

When it comes to receiving Christmas presents, I am:
Kwality Kathy: I want one expensive/nice present.
Greedy Grace: I want a lot of small presents, maybe one medium or big.
Ebenezer Scrooge: I don't care about presents, I don't want any and I won't buy you one.
Other Otto: I will explain in the comments.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Had a revelation last night, as I was driving somewhere,- I am sick of existing. I want to live.

I actually had the real revelation of this years ago. After I lost my twins, I got terribly depressed. I remember thinking and writing that I wanted to be dead. Not suicide or even real death necessarily. Just desperate to stop feeling pain and wishing there was some relief. One night we were driving home, when we still lived near Cleveland. It was pitch black out there, except for headlights. And out of nowhere, a car swerves wildly into our lane. Head-on. Richy supernaturally got off the road, and we were unhurt. And in that black shock of a moment, I thought, "I want to live."

Now years later, I'm facing the next phase of that. I want to go beyond not wanting to be dead. I want to live and breathe and fight and CARE.

I want to be a burning heart. To burn for something. Who ever wakes up in the morning and says, "Man, I'd love to be a milktoast." ??

So, okay. Time to take life by the horns and move to Missouri. This is movement. And movement is good.

Also, new pictures over at the picture blog

Monday, December 17, 2007

Sorry for the absence of a blog here today.. I had a funso day at Stephanie's and couldn't log in to my own blog for that. So I will now recap my weekend.
Simplify Christmas party Friday night... I got new hair color and cut and so on, and looked real cute. Unfortunately, no one took my picture. So you will never know.
Saturday my sons stayed at Viking Granny's and I used the opportunity to go nuts at the Dollar Store, Walmart and Target. Nuts for me, which is still not very expensive. Then I came home. after it was VERY dark, and used our fireplace for FIRE whilst I wrapped presents. Very exciting.
Sunday we went to Christ the King and said goodbye, and then we had a birthday party for Toby. And Georgia jumped in the pool fully clothed for cash. And we don't even drink!

Then today I went and had la Palma with some pals. tomorrow, I will put up some pictures from Toby's party on my picture blog.
So there you go.

Friday, December 14, 2007

My mom is so great. She gave me an apple. It's cold. I think I should tell her it's cold. It's cold. It's cold. It's cold!! It's COOOOOLLLLLDDDD!
She said it's cold back to me! YESSSS.
An apple is kind of like a ball. A ball. Ball. Appo. Ball. Appo. I will throw it. WOW!
Mmm. Appo.
Where did she go? I will go stand by her arm and eat my apple. She probably misses me all the way across the room. I will touch her arm. Feel my hands, they're wet and cold and sticky. COLD!
Uh-oh... choking a little. I need to cough. WOW! My apple chunks landed on Mommy! WOW! I will cough some more. FUN! Now, I think I will walk around dropping little bites of apple on the floor everywhere from my mouth. Bite. Appo. Wow. Table? No. No table.

Hmm. Basically done here. I will gently set my apple on the carpet in a corner of Mommy's room. Yes, there. There is good. Now! Time to go pull all of the paper out of the printer. WOW!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I went to Walmart on Tuesday, to grocery shop and to get out of the house. I went yesterday to pick up the 2 things I forgot. I went today to get paper for Richy. I am sick of Walmart. I am almost like a normal person in my dislike of Walmart today.

I have no idea what to get the MOG for Christmas. The book I was going to get him, he bought himself. I got him an Iphone for his birthday, so that's the coolest ever. So he says. just get me a card or something. LAME. I am the Christmas fairy. I LOVE buying presents. It can't cost much, and it has to be cool. I have a knack for buying the wrong thing, i.e. a basket of fancy coffees when he has secretly decided to fast coffee for a year (he didn't). I have waited too long to order anything, I think. Sometimes I get on my nerves. Ah, well, maybe a nice gift card to Walmart.

In other news, how is this not Friday? It has seemed like Friday since I woke up, and I am having a hard time convincing myself it really is NOT.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

My knees are sticky. I don't know why. The problem is, I'm wearing jeans. And the outside of the jeans are not sticky. Mystery.

Toby has been awake for over 2 hours and has not even picked up one of the presents I wrapped last night. I am amazed. Maybe he forgot about presents? Whatever, I'm not arguing.

About to venture back over to Walmart for all the stuff I forgot yesterday, and maybe the dollar store... MUAHAHAHAHA

And, my hair is burgundy. So there you go.
Chuck Norris and Mike Huckabee

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Bought a few Christmas presents today. It's very funny to buy them with little people around. I bought a keyboard for Toby (probably) with a mike. $9.88 at WalMart. God Bless Capitalism.

Anyway, of course he spotted it and in an amazing show of gymnastic strength, bent himself over the cart seat far enough to turn it on and play it a little. I let him, because I don't fight Happy Toby. I let him be. Once he got uncomfortable and mad enough, I hid it. Under his feet. He then raged for about 30 seconds until we passed something shiny or demonic, and it was forgotten. When I was going through the checkout line, he was frantically saying Guttaletta? and such. Which obviously means Do you want to get down? which means HE wants to get down.

So I let him and he looked under the cart, where the keyboard had been. MUAHAHAHA. He was very disappointed for 4.5 seconds, and then he started suggesting which candy bars I should buy him. And I, Stealth Parent, hid it back in the cart.

So THAT is awesome.

Now I have to figure out a present for R2, who also really liked the piano. Is it lame to buy them both the same thing? Would it even work, or would they still fight over the same one??

Monday, December 10, 2007

We've moved!!
Bookmark the new site!

Look at the prettiness! And all that strange white substance on the ground! So we filled out all the paperwork, me signing things and scanning and emailing them, and he hobbling about in KC with his crutch and ICE STORMS. 21 degrees. What will become of me?

I am not ready to move. Not emotionally, no. But that will probably never happen. I mean, physically. I have all this stuff and nothing packed. Deja vu? Me too. I guess I'll start getting rid of stuff. Again.

If we get approved for this house then I can start ordering services and change our address and such. Wowzer.

Friday, December 7, 2007

I am tired. I stay up too late, sleep too little and wake up too early. If you have a direct line to Toby, I would warn him not to mess with me today.

Stuff I want to do before leaving Conroe for a year
• Have a couple of kidless dates before going to the faraway land of Nobabysitter
• Eat at Rancho Grande. Maybe multiple times.
• See famblies and friends. This would be easier if I was less tired.
• Pack, find a house, cancel services, switch services, change address (boring, not what I'm really talking about)
• OH MY GOSH do they have Blue Bell? Research time.

• What else?

Smartypants is in business! Entertain me with your queries on the holidays, entertaining, etiquette, and whatever strange neurotic questions float amidst the gray matter!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

The MOG is flying to Kansas City this weekend to look at some houses... I was supposed to have like 10 scheduled but when it's all said and done there's only 4 appointments. Sheesh.

And all of them have redeeming qualities, and are not exactly what we're looking for.
Hopefully either we hit the jackpot with one of these or somebody shows him some non-listed houses while he's there. This is a little scary.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I'm off to Target to give the manager what-for. Updates later!
Actually, I'm not going anywhere just yet. The MOG has all the keys, and I have to wait for him to hobble across the street and bring them back.
Long story short: police were beckoned yesterday because of R2's "injuries". They let us go, no problem. But I need to do a little education about the difference between abused and special needs children. Grrr.

So here's what happened. R2 has a mark on his face from where he smacked himself during a tantrum. So yesterday, we went to Target just for the sake of getting out of the house. We shopped for an hour or so, and when we left, the police came and parked behind us (3 officers) and said that someone had called because there was some concern about R2's injuries. Right away, I thought of his cheek, so I explained he hit himself. Then I realized they were also talking about his eye, and his limp. So I explained the situation, and I showed them his itty-bitty eye. I think the policemen were pretty embarrassed. They kept apologizing. So we drove off and I see them talking to a Target manager type on the sidewalk. I was so embarrassed, and scared and just shaken up. But the more I thought about it, I remembered that same manager talking to me in the store, seeing if I needed help finding something or whatever. So, I'm thinking she's the one who called.

So I decide to go up there today and talk to somebody because I love Target. And I want to keep shopping there. So I get the decoy manager (you can tell these things) and I am telling her the story and how upset I am. so she calls the real manager. Who, was on duty yesterday and can assure me it was not an employee who called. They would have had to run it by her first. But she and the decoy manager feel terrible and they can't believe it blah blah blah. So, it must have been an overzealous and not terribly observant customer who actually called the police because of how R2 looks.

It makes me sick. And nervous to go anywhere. Ugh.

Monday, December 3, 2007

If this works, then good.

My kids want to get out of the house. But it is alarmingly cold. I hear you Yankees scoffing. Look, this is cold. Maybe there's no snow. Maybe there's no frostbite. Maybe, it's 40 something degrees. All I know is when I open the door, the Arctic wind blows in.

Maybe we'll go to the mall. Ay ay ay.

I feel very rich this Christmas. Not in a fiscal sense... But rich with my family around me and all this joy. And tantrums and snot and peanut butter wiped on everything, yes. But so much joy. I went a little nuts at the dollar store. It's very festive around here.

We move in 23 days. Is this really happening?
miss sp:
how should one go about impressing children (and adults) that it is more blessed to give than to recieve?
The rod, dear reader. The rod.

anonymous said...
Mrs SP,
In your humble opinion, is it true that the tradition of Christmas trees has roots in paganism?

The amazing thing about Christmas trees is, they have no roots. If, at one point, they were rooted in paganism, they were then heartlessly chopped down and shipped to Walmart, where they are from then on unrooted. And eventually, they are potted, and then, in due time, return to the earth. Although, some might argue that Walmart itself is rooted in paganism. Party poopers.

anonymous said...
How is Christmas celebrated in Australia?
Australians do not celebrate Christmas.

anonymous said...
Mrs Smarty P.,
Is it proper etiquette to eat cranberry sauce with your hands?
It is not proper. Please remove your hands from the keyboard immediately.

Now, some of you are asking... "Did she really DEFY the MOG and purchase a potentially pagan tree? What hath God wrought?" If so, you talk funny. But I will tell you. The Scrooge MOG did not want a tree. He vaguely alluded to forbidding me to buy one. Not concretely. (he knows better). It's a long story, but someone in our marriage went to a great deal of work and got a $100 gift card online for her their efforts. Which, after 6 weeks, arrived in the mail. Then, someone other than the party of the first part threw away said gift card because it was, and I quote, "trash in the van".

I climbed into the dumpster to retrieve it. I called to activate it, and there was no activation code. So, I climbed back into the dumpster and retrieved the letter with the code. I then spent $40 of that hard earned card on a tree, which I brought home by myself. It is over 8 feet tall. I am just over 5 feet tall. I then wrestled it in my house, and set it up and decorated it. By myself. Which makes me hardcore. When the Man of God got home and saw the tree, he was highly amused. He is quite happy to not have to have done anything. Next year, I am hoping he will have developed Merry Christmas genes and be jolly and bright.

Friday, November 30, 2007

I didn't blog today... because I was a) busy and b) lazy. All congruent. Anyhoo.

Oh, and recovering. Because yesterday I took all the kidlets to Houston for R2's neurologist appointment. 45 minutes there, nearly 3 hours in the doctor's office, and an hour home. I need a vacation. Here's a little glimpse.

then today, I climbed in the dumpster (twice) to retrieve a cash gift card someone had accidentally thrown away, and then the letter with the activation code... I then defied the tacit order to skip Christmas and bought a tree, by myself, brought it home and set it up by myself. Because I am hardcore. And it's CHRISTMAS.

Smartypants wants to answer YOUR holiday tradition and etiquette questions! Make her day.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Answer the poll! Over there -------------->

Today I have to drive downtown to take R2 to the neurologist. It makes my stomach all nervoussy. Not, all the brain stuff. That's just ho-hum. Noo... it's the driving. I hate driving to Houston. Today will be my first time ever to go with all 3 chilluns. Once I get there, it's just like being anywhere with 3 kids. But the driving. Eek.

Did I mention the MOG sprained his ankle on Thanksgiving? (delete all jokes and references to wus-ishness) Yesterday we finally tried to go to the doctor. But he has insurance, which makes it almost impossible to go to the doctor. First, I called the PCP on his insurance card. And, true to form, all heck breaks loose. The nurse says, annoyed.." Ma'am, I'm not going to be able to hear you with your baby crying." Nice. I could hear her just fine with a toddler tantrumning at my feet and a baby screeching in my ear. So when I have locked myself in the bathroom and called back, I wait 20 minutes on hold to find out they don't have any openings until late December. Thank you! That was SO helpful!
So I read on the card he can go to urgent care for a higher co-pay. So I pack up the kids, and he leaves work and we drive over there and unload. Oh, but he has insurance. And they don't take HMO. Or something. So I call the "customer service" people and they are shocked and amazed that I want them to find somewhere to take him. Ended up, after more shenanigans, dropping him off at the ER and going home and watching Top Model. Severe sprain. Splint, crutches and so on. So there you go.

Did you check out the possible new blog location? go there.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Toby is now taking a nap. I don't understand why I hear drums... but he is in his room with the door closed and I am not asking questions.

We are moving in a month. A month from yesterday, actually. Do you know... I have never lived away from my family. All my siblings have, at some point, but me, never. This is going to be weird. And I hope it's not incredibly lonely and sad.
You see, Yablonskis are in each other's business. It's not so much like you have your life and I have mine... unless you want it that way. And even then, somebody is going to know what you're up to or see your picture in the paper and then all the family will discuss your doings amongst themselves. But if it makes that family member feel better, whatever. Anyways. My point is, we're a close family. Different close than we used to be, but still close. What will that be like when I am in Missouri, of all places? I barely even consider Missouri a state.

Here's a blogsite I'm considering moving to. Go try it out.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

these posts have been consistently late... so, not coincidentally, has naptime.

This is what I resorted to yesterday...

Today, I attached one of these...point, game, me.

Christmas begins December 1st... I am looking forward to decorating this tiny little apartment. Some people in this marriage are not so Christmassy... I won't name names. SOME people even suggested strongly that there would be no tree in this apartment. Scoff! Scoff! I scoff at Scrooge. There will be a tree. And it will be glorious. PLUS, I have a fireplace, where I will hang the stockings with care! Oh! I need new stockings! And OH Boy eggnog!

I'm into Christmas. It is SO on.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Toby can now open doors, and climb baby gates. I will never sleep again.

I generally put the boys to bed at 830-9. Then I eat and sew and read and talk to my husband until midnight-ish. Then I nurse Brynn 3 or 4 times overnight, and then the boys are awake by 8. That is not enough sleep. So the logical conclusion would be to go to bed earlier. But that's when I get to do fun mommy activities! Like eat without anyone putting their fingers in my sandwich!

I woke up grumpy. And Toby has been on a rampage all day.

Yeah, yeah... for this child I have prayed. And I am grateful. I am also grumpy. So there you go.

In other news, Thanksgiving was great. And we have 6 house possibilities... most with hardwood floors and fireplaces which is SO exciting.

Maybe I will eat now. Maybe Toby will take a nap. And maybe I'll find a million dollars.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

If I had to choose between Thanksgiving and Christmas as my favorite, it would be Christmas. But close... the presents put it over the top.

Thanksgiving is such a Yablonski thing... get together with all the family, or as much as you can assemble, bring some turkey and ham and stuffing and sweet potatoes with marshmallows and corn related food items and things with green beans (which I don't eat, but it's part of it), and rolls and so on and so forth. And the dessert table. And carbonated beverages.

And then you all sit in some semblance of a circle and go to the trough. And after you are eating, or before, or during, maybe someone will do a Russian dance. Maybe even with an apple in their mouth. And the jokes are flying. Maybe some sibling rivalry from New Jersey. Or a skit of some kind. And then some more ham, maybe.


i need to have
this moment here
to see that everything has not changed

i need to know
that you, and I
are strong and happy and close

i need to hear
you laugh and laugh
and see it all the way to your eyes

i know the truth
sometimes the tears
are close behind the joy

but if we can laugh together
we'll be okay

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

the blogger, she is slacking lately. I am trying to make a quilt
3 quilts, actually. And it is very hard to find any time. So I sew.

Now, as the wee ones are shoveling chicken and greeb neabs, I type.

And now I'm getting IMed about finding a house. So I sew not.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Sorry, Josharoo. Your queries did not make the cut.

So we listed the Corolla on Craigslist... and immediately received 50 bazillion (with a "b") calls. And then these guys came and then we couldn't find the title. So all of us went to the tax office. Who said, the bank never gave us the title. To the bank, who said, the tax office are the ones and so on. So we're driving the poor buyer around everywhere trying to get our ducks in a row. Now, I am finally home and Richy and the guy are driving somewhere to do something blahbity blah.

In other news, I am going to be trying out some other blog sites, as many faithful readers have informed me they can no longer comment here... blogger has thrown them out. But first, go over to my picture blog and see if it lets you pariahs comment over there. That will be experiment ONE. Stay tuned!

Friday, November 16, 2007

I am in charge of the housing search. You gotta be keeding me. I have to find a house to rent via the web. And pick it. Pick a list of 10, actually. And google map them to their proximity to the House of Prayer. And make some kind of plan involving calling realtors and arranging for them to meet the MOG on his 24 hour jaunt to KC.

This is flipping me out. I know I will pick all lemons, and he will fly all the way there and be like... "WHAT was she thinking?" And the realtors will be like, "Here's a place for 50 million dollars. All we got. Sorry." And so on.

I could do an apartment, easy. But we don't want an apartment. We have a recording studio in our bedroom. Not prime tenants, we.

So... I booked a flight. Found a couple places. Now I need a break. Maybe we'll go buy some Magic Undies for the Tobes.

Dame Smartypants was thrilled with the response for last weeks column. Well, thrilled with the questions. The response... not so much. BUT! excellent questions. Please submit your best and brightest today through Monday morning!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Ah, the potty training. Ah. Back to that in mere moments.

The fast, is over. Long live meat and sweets. We prayed for Richy Tuesday night, and it was good. Really good. We didn't have a miraculous instant healing, but something definitely happened. So now we're just watching to see what God is up to.

The potty training has gone something like this. Toby, he is naked all the time. Can't keep a diaper on him. So I start the traditional approach of making him sit on the potty every 30 minutes. Nada. He prefers to pee on the carpet. So I give up. Onesies, backwards diapers, overalls... I haven't started duct tape yet. (yes, I'm serious). And somewhere along the way, he decides he will put his potty in front of the TV during Sesame Street and do some bizness. When I'm not even in there. And then he figures out if he tells me, he gets to flush the potty. So the pee marathon, it begins. We are flushing the potty literally almost constantly.
So I taught him how to climb up there and I'm out of a job. Now, if I can just figure out how to convince him to wear some undies... or pants. Shoot, a toga. Whatever. But stop the nudity. Please.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I'll update on the fast and the potty training and such tomorrow, too much good stuff for Smartypants today.

Anonymous said...
Mrs Smartypants,
How old must you be before it can be said you died of old age?
Strangely, this question has changed over time. In 1996, I would have considered 30 a ripe old age... worthy of surrendering your life, because you've lived it... and so on. Now, I'm thinking post-80.

Anonymous said...
Mrs SP,
Since we have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
Excellent question. I am told heaven boasts chocolate mansions. Edible chocolate mansions. I can't make it past that.

BethC said...
mrs. sp,
please explain why music soothes the savage beast
The question here, is what manner of person does savage beastly music sooth? For your consideration.

Anonymous said...
Ms SP,
Can music save my mortal soul as quoted from the song "Bye, Bye Miss American Pie"?
Just Wondering
Mmm.... pie.

Anonymous said...
hey smarty girl - when sour cream goes bad does it become sweet
When sour cream falls from grace, it becomes discolored. If your husband then eats it, is it your fault? The answer is emphatically NO.

Anonymous said...
Mrs SP,
Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
I'm still laughing at this one. Beats me.

Anonymous said...
My Dear Ms Smartypants,
Which is best:
To put ones socks on both feet, then the shoes, OR sock on left foot, shoe on left foot, then sock on right foot, sock on right foot OR sock on right foot, shoe on right foot then sock on left foot, shoe on left foot?
Inquiring Mind
I asked an expert, Richard Lynn Clark the Second. He demonstrated the following technique. First, peruse your sock drawer, removing all unsuitable socks and throwing them on the floor. Next, sit in the living room and leave one sock in an unusual location, i.e. on the table. Place the remaining sock with the gray heel portion facing up, on your left foot. Hold up your shoes, very close to your face, assuring that they are not, in fact, your brother's shoes. Put the right foot shoe on the left foot. Begin the process of dressing foot 2, then realize you are missing a sock. Take off shoe, and sock. These things can only stay on in pairs. Go in search of sock #2. Unable to locate it, go back to the sock drawer, removing the remainder of its contents. Place the new #2 sock on the right foot. Lose sock 1. Watch a little PBS. Begin again.

Carl said...
Oh Smartypants,
I've always wondered, can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car-pool lane?
Car-pool Carl
You are one sick puppy, Carl. However, I have for your perusal the following ACTUAL news story.

The blow-up passenger doll is returning to Seattle HOV lanes
Posted by The Oregonian August 02, 2007 06:58AM
Categories: Puget Sound
What chaps Seattle-area commuters the most, ranked by complaints calls to police? It's people who are cheating in the car pool lane with dummies (adult and baby). The cops have heard it all. My dog is my passenger. I'm pregnant, and that counts. No. It doesn't. Passengers have to be alive. Not if a coffin in a hearse. The Seattle Times takes a broad look.

In King County, the Patrol gets more complaints about car-pool-lane violations than about any other violation. The State Patrol averages about 2,200 complaints in the county each month, and it only gets worse in the summer, said Merrill -- in June there were 3,839 complaints.
The Patrol issued 1,252 tickets for HOV violators in June. At the start of July, the fine for being a solo driver in the diamond lane went up from $101 to $124 a pop.

A survey of local drivers conducted three years ago by the Washington State Transportation Center found the majority of both solo drivers and HOV users thought car-pool-lane cheaters were committing a serious traffic violation.

Mama PC said...
dear SP
what does home owner do to remedy problem of one certain mama cat that flails herself upon the window screen in demand of a breakfast platter???
Have a good chuckle. Stupid animals.

Anonymous said...
Dear Ms SP
If laying in bed wide awake for hours......2am......after prayer and talking to God an still being wide awake........should you.....jump up.....and clean the house or lay there for 3 more hours?
A little educational reading might be in order. Perhaps a Farm Journal or An Inconvenient Truth.

Anonymous said...
Dear Ms. SP -
why do most theological discussions with children happen at bedtime when all you want is for them to put their head down and sleep? Or at bathtime when they ask if Adam & Eve had bellybuttons?
~ mystified missionary
Kids. No accounting for em.

Monday, November 12, 2007

I am fasting the internets for the final 3 days of this Daniel fast... feel like I need to intensify and get my heart right.

So that was yesterday, today and tomorrow. I'll be back on Tuesday evening and Smartypants will be in business (excellent Smartypants fodder) Wednesday morning.

Pray for me, I need a breakthrough. Muchos besas y gracias felicidad.

hee hee

Friday, November 9, 2007

Smartypants is a little melancholy today. Hit me with your funniest.

Froot Loops and Sesame Street. Kids have it good.

Sometimes, when I am immersed in the cares of this world- betrayal and friendship and love and hate, I wish I could just zip back to an age when stress was my cheeseburger falling apart.


but increasingly complicated

loving someone

and hating what they do

the wounds of a friend


Forgetting the possibility

that all at once

the dagger could strike again


the wounds of a friend

Thursday, November 8, 2007

I came in here all raring to start a Smartypants paragraph... when it occurs to me... today is THURSDAY.
That kinda day, folks.

This is why you can't trust dogs. I've said it a million times... well, I'm saying it now.

Iowa man recovering after being shot by his dog

DES MOINES (AP) — A hunter is recovering after he was shot in the leg at close range by his dog, who stepped on his shotgun and tripped the trigger, an official said Tuesday.
James Harris, 37, of Tama, was hit in the calf Saturday, the opening day of pheasant season, said Alan Foster, a spokesman with the Iowa Department of Natural Resources.

"He had surgery and is doing pretty well," he said. "He took between 100-120 pellets in about a 4-inch circle to his calf."

Harris was listed in good condition Tuesday, officials at University Hospitals in Iowa City said.

Harris was hunting with a group about three miles north of Grinnell. The group shot a bird, and when Harris went to get it, he put his gun on the ground and crossed a fence. As he crossed the fence, his hunting dog stepped on the gun, Foster said.

The gun was about 3 feet away from his leg.

"The muzzle velocity is so great that the pellets don't have a chance to spread out," he said.

No one else was hurt, and the dog was not injured.

Foster said no citations have been issued.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

If this story had been about a cat, I would believe it was intentional.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The park was a big hit. We're going again today... glorious cold weather means NO bugs! Which means I can go outdoors! For a little while, anyway. I don't care for the outdoors. A nice book and a window, I'm good.
Why no pictures of Toby's adorable little face, maybe you're asking. Because Toby in motion has no time for the paparazzi.

Sometimes, in the morning, I am thinking about everything I have to get done. And the pressure, it gets to me, man. I start making lists, and wasting time... I need a manager. But the only guy who has applied is a perfectionist. Luckily, lately he's been geeking out on his iPhone so much, I am getting away with it. But I have to figure out how to fit 3 lives into this one. Plus the literal 3 people who have to be fed and so on. The pressure, man.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Sorry this entry is so late... we had a busy day and I forgot to post, and then there were no new comments when I got home at 2ish, so I just lazed about (blog-wise) until now. The following BREAKING NEWS story was brought to my attention today by the brilliant and ever so humble Rush Limbaugh, and then again by the brilliant and ever so humble Josharoo.

You think it can't happen to you? So did these guys.

Danger: Beware of Falling Cows

MANSON, Wash. (AP) - Charles and Linda Everson were driving back to their hotel when their minivan was struck by a falling object—a 600-pound cow.
The Eversons were unhurt but the cow, which had fallen off a cliff, had to be euthanized.

The year-old cow fell about 200 feet from the cliff and landed on the hood of the couple's minivan, causing heavy damage.

A Chelan County fire chief, Arnold Baker, said the couple missed being killed by a matter of inches in the accident Sunday on a highway near Manson.

The Eversons, visiting the area from their home in Westland, Mich., to celebrate their first wedding anniversary, were checked at Lake Chelan Community Hospital as a precaution.

Everson, 49, said he didn't see the cow falling and didn't know what happened until afterward.

He said he kept repeating: "I don't believe this. I don't believe this."

In other news, it is GORGEOUS here today. I took these stir-crazy munchkins to the park. Pix tomorrow!

Monday, November 5, 2007

from yer mama (VKG): My dear sweet babies............

Where has the time gone? Just yesterday we were wall to wall cribs stumbling over each other. 9:50 my little "Indian" arrived followed 40 minutes later by my "pale face".......Your father gave you these little nicknames. were so red.....and loud ...and you had a black eye. Joke was you and your brother were fighting over who would get out first.....My little Bobby was pale and white and so quiet....and peaceful.........We were all so young........I am so very proud of the wonderful men you have become. I see you playing with your children now, and I gaze with awe..
God has done a mighty work in each of you.........and HE raised you spite of all the obstacles and struggles and hugs and kisses and tumbles and disappointments...................God kept His hand on you both...He never left your side.........He had His eye on you two every second.... both have grown up to be fine young men and I am proud and honored to be your mother.....You turned out exactly how God intended.......My dear sweet babies who loved it when Mommy sang to them..and thought it sounded so beautiful.......are now wonderful husbands and fathers .....who now know the truth........and love me anyway.

Anonymous said...
Mrs. SP,
Is it really possible to love someone, but not like them?
No Love Louie
Of course this is possible. In the words of that immortal bard, William Shakespeare, " What wretched passion is this, this vile love of one I despise?" Or something along those lines.

Anonymous said...
Dear Mrs. SP,
When will I find my soulmate?
Soulless in San Diego
Your soulmate? I would check the Star Trek convention circuit and area laundromats.

Anonymous said...
How do you know when you have found "the one?"
Look for one with a strong fruity fragrance, a tough rind and no discoloration. Don't squeeze it, just press gently to determine firmness.

Anonymous said...
At what age should bed wetting stop? I worried...
Pee Peeing in Pasadena
The fact that you are capable of navigating the internet and asking this question is of some concern to this reporter.

In other news, today is Richy's birthday. I bought him the only thing he wanted... an iPhone. This is birthday and Christmas... his geeky little heart is singing. It is a phone, a computer, an iPod, etc, etc. It's cool. But it makes my head hurt. Am I futuristic enough by just having a cell phone? I don't even want one of those Cyborg ear pod things... sorry Nate. But they're weird. Just a cool little cell phone that makes calls, texts, takes pictures. I'm good.

Richy is 30. And, you won't believe it, but so is Robert.
Happy Happy Birthday!

Friday, November 2, 2007

In honor of Friday, I made fries today. Only they were baked.

Ms. Smartypants is the definitive voice on all things etiquett-al and political and social. Submit your questions from now until Monday morning and pray that you get an answer.

In other news, Richy's birthday is Monday. Sheesh. What do you get a guy that wants stuff only he can pick? A gift card, I guess. Lame. (I love gift cards, but for your spouse? not so much) And we're fasting sweets so no cake. He'll be 30. Weird. So, coincidentally, will Rob. This getting older thing is strange. You go along your whole life wanting to be older, and then all of the sudden, the crazy train picks up speed and there you go.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Today, I have been doing some very important research. The topic: can I paint a baby's fingernails?
I already know I can do toenails. (yawn) I have been doing that since she came home at less than 5 pounds. It is more challenging now, because she KICKS all the time, and yet less challenging because her toenails are actually visible.

What I have discovered: everybody has opinions and nobody knows anything. One comment I read said, "You should just get a Barbie!" Sheesh. And the general consensus is. no, you shouldn't paint them because you know, chemicals when she puts her hands in her mouth and so on. Which, duh. I have thought of that. But then I think, how many pounds of nail polish have I consumed in my life, biting the ol' metacarpal covers? Food for thought. (that was for you, Josh)

And okay, so she is tiny, and thus, the nail polish:person ratio is different. And I probably couldn't get it on her anyway. So I won't do it. But, since I have 30+ minutes to kill before my mommy lunch, why not read up?

And ear piercing.... maybe I should get a Barbie.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

This one might not make it past your internet filters. (by the way, if you don't have a filter, get one)

Nudity is the topic of the day. Specifically, toddler nudity. Toby has cast off restraint... I cannot keep him clothed. The trouble is, he's not even remotely potty-trained. This morning, he peed on the porch. Which, gotta admit, is better than the carpet. Except for the whole nekky outside thing.

Nekkid breakfast. Perp is nabbed and taken in for booking.

Perp resists arrest, have to apply the squeeze.

Diaper applied backwards for the confusion element.

Snapped into one piece garment, against his will.

Jeans on top, but without rehabilitation.... this kid will be back on the street, peeing, in no time.

Plan: buy a little potty today. Give it a whirl.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

for a letter from Richy (the bigger one)

The Official on the Clarks Move

To our MCF family,

First of all, please forgive me for not writing an official letter sooner. I want to fill you in on all the exciting things that are happening with our family for ’08. I’m going to state these things from a very personal level, as I hope to answer some of the questions I’ve heard regarding these changes.

As many of you know, Jess and I lost our twins in 2004. Up until that time, I was fairly familiar with having a strong direction for my life in ministry, having served locally as a youth leader, then launching out with Radiant Ministry. After 2004, we felt God re-arranging things in our lives. We were to slow things down with Radiant and focus locally for a season, while still taking some ministry opportunities abroad. We helped with several prayer initiatives, and spent a year doing the Rad Rev outreach at Sanctuary Church. I am very encouraged to see the Holy Spirit emphasizing prayer through MCF, and am personally confident that many things have been set in place, by God, for a sustained manifestation of Himself in Montgomery Co! (as the Lord would have it) Also, Charles has launched his Friday outreach at Sanctuary to the college age, which is going well, and giving many young people an opportunity to serve and grow in their walks with God.

For the last few years, I’ve been receiving many words and dreams regarding the Lord bringing us through a season of discipline and training, for future ministry. Much of these past 3 years have been that, including 1 year spent back in the “normal” workforce! Jess and I have been through, what many ministers know as, a “stripping process.” This is where we get to see what we are made of! Not fun, but necessary for all of us who want to go strong for God!

Hos. 6:1-3 says,
“Come, and let us return to the LORD; For He has torn, but He will heal us;
He has stricken, but He will bind us up. After two days He will revive us; On the third day He will raise us up, That we may live in His sight.
Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD. His going forth is established as the morning; He will come to us like the rain…”

The third day (year) is here for Jess and I, it’s resurrection time! I believe the Lord has knit our hearts together with the MCF congregations through all of these trials Jess and I have been through,. The prayer support of our church family has been an exceedingly great comfort and I believe will bear much fruit for the kingdom through our lives and our children! I have learned a lot about leaning and being carried these last few years. This is true “body life,” as the Scripture states ”bearing one another's burdens.” I do not believe this bond has to change, no matter what venture our Father has for the Clark family, and I hope to stay knit together in love.
During our trip to Nashville 7/7/7, Jess and I felt strongly impressed to spend a season in Kansas City, with the IHOP and Call ministries. This truly came as a “left field” impression, and was confirmed by several influential people in our lives, even during the trip. Looking back, Jess discovered multiple dreams in my dream journal about a time in Kansas City, including one she had. (Though I’ve always interpreted them differently, as many times man does.) After a few weeks of prayer and some counsel, …and a few more dreams during this time; we made the decision to go with, what we are convinced, is God’s plan for a season. We view this as not only a special ministry assignment, but a time for Jess and I to get “filled” with the heart and vision God has for our lives. (We’ve been torn, but now comes the rain) We will be serving this season as missionaries in the house of prayer, and volunteering our time to the Call as well. This is a very uncomfortable place for me, as I am familiar with a full time worship / preaching ministry, but not this! I could see God, if He wills, using our time in KC to even bless Montgomery County! Oh God is so much bigger than us! Jess and I will be raising $2000.00 in monthly support beginning in December. We would love for our friends and family to partner with us for God’s kingdom purposes.

Trials tend to cause the natural man to recoil into himself. I feel like our church family has been so gracious to us during this great season of trial. “Each man’s work will be tested by fire.” I know by the grace of God that he is making us into humble, selfless servants who will live every moment in love. May His kingdom come! “We will all be changed!”

- Richy Clark and family
We are starting a new prayer and financial support page under which will have updates and online support!

Also, I excited about our new CD! Check out a sample at Much love -R

Monday, October 29, 2007

Newbie Materialistic Worrier said...
Hello Ms. Smarypants,
I'm not usually a worrier.
But i find myself worrying now...over the silliest thing. The office where i work is being carpeted this weekend, and i can't stop worrying about whether they'll break my desk when they move it.
I mean i've been thinking about this for DAYS!
I'm afraid i won't be able to sleep in in the morning; i may have to come and supervise them.
Ms. Smartypants, what's WRONG WITH ME?????

It sounds like you may have Incurable Neurotic Psychosis. You should invest in soft carpeting for your walls and plan for a lot of time indoors. Best of luck!

BethC said...
dear ms. sp
please use your superior verbage and insight to critique some/or one Christian movie(s) from recent year(s). I have heard of a new one, "Noelle".
My dear reader, I am not familiar with the film you speak of. However, it is produced by the same company that made "One Night with the King", which was, in this alter ego's mind, a real snoozer. This reporter does not have high hopes. I have heard great reviews of the movie, "Bella", which is also produced by a Christian company.
As to my typical response to "Christian" movies, not so much.

In other news, we went to see Switchfoot in concert Saturday (my birthday present from the Leah and Nates. Rock and roll.... it was awesome.
Pretty quiet around here, thank God. We are almost a week into the Daniel fast, and I am missing sugar FEROCIOUSLY. But it helps me remember to pray. Let's see complete healing! Wahoo!



Sunday, October 28, 2007

Friday, October 26, 2007

Richy is doing really well. We have to make an appointment with the neurologist for 3 weeks or so from now, and we'll be able to talk medication then. The stuff he is on is ruining his teeth, and this higher dosage keeps him a little groggy. I'll take groggy over seizures any day, but maybe there's a better option.

It's a weird place, to be praying for his healing but planning for things to stay the same. Like drugs and action plans and so on...
Here's the thing- I don't think it's God's will for R2 to stay this way. I think God wants to heal him. All the way. I just don't know how to "make" that happen. So I will pray, and wait.
In the meantime, I do enjoy him.... he is such a funny, goofy little guy.

Toby is practicing his ear-piercing screech. No, not just now. All the time. That's right, all screaming, all the time. This has to be a phase. It has to. Otherwise, it will never end. I choose phase.

Ms. Smartypants is back in business! Ask your questions, maybe get an answer! Questions of a general nature can be submitted today through Monday morning, and will be answered (or not) Monday at naptime!

Also, I said it the other day pre-crisis, new pictures on me picture blahg. Comment-vous!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Last night I politely requested to Richy and Toby that they sleep until 9. Wake up in time for Sesame Street, that was the request.
Can you believe, it worked? After months of waking up around 8, today they snoozed until 9:12. I was so happy. I actually feel somewhat rested.
Trauma takes it out of you. I can't imagine what R2 must feel like. He won't sleep unless it's night, even if he's exhausted. So hopefully last night was good sleep for him.
He seems a little more like himself today. He's goofing around and such, still a little on edge. Also, he's on a double dose of his seizure medication, so he's a little dopey and slow to respond. Please, continue to pray with us for his complete healing.

In other news, I am going to the library today.
In other, other news, Toby is asleep and I think I will go work on my new blanket idea....

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

This is a familiar feeling, coming home from the hospital. So relieved and so grateful to have a backseat full of voices.

Last night, they started talking about possibly letting us go home, but we knew that could change if one doctor wanted to observe him longer, or he didn't meet this standard or that one. So we waited, and waited. R2 got really sick of the room, so they unhooked his monitors and IV's (they were still in, just capped) and he explored the room a little, and went down to the playroom and conquered the Potatoheads, and so on. All day I had to force him to eat Jello, because he had to eat something and his throat was so raw from the ventilator. Later, they brought in a tray of meatloaf and mac and cheese, and he inhaled it. Poor kid. I guess he just doesn't care for Jello.
Finally, the Neurology team showed up. The head of Neurology is Dr. Slopis, and he was there when R2 was in the NICU there. I remember him sitting with us for a long time, showing us the CT scans (in 1999) and explaining where the blood was, and what had happened in R2's brain, and what it would probably mean, long term. So here he is, 8 years later. And he remembered us, and remembered those scans. He walked in saying, "This can't be a 24 weeker!" He was just so excited and upbeat. The MRI, CT, and EEGs had all come back good, no further brain damage or issues with the shunt. (we're already talking miracles)

Now, being well versed in this routine, I am feeling a little nervous. Because you answer one question wrong, and not only are you spending another night in the hospital, but the little guy is probably getting stuck and prodded and scanned and it's miserable. So Dr. Slopis asks us if he can walk, since the seizure. And I am nervous, because he has been walking, but he's irritable and wobbly (R2), so we go for a little walk with the team of neurologists watching. And I'm down the hall watching them watch us walk, and I'm in that realm. But get this, R1 is in the room with the docs, and Dr. Slopis is shaking his head and saying, "Amazing."

He is marveling at how the child he knows should be non-functional, if even alive, is such a miracle. They are watching him hobble down the hall with wonder.
About an hour later, we were driving home.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Thank you all so much for praying. We have turned the corner on this thing, praise God.

R2 had a bad seizure yesterday afternoon. He didn't stop seizing when he normally would, and was not getting good oxygen and starting to struggle to breathe, so we took him into the ER. After another 20+ minutes, he was still seizing a lot. They gave him a drug to stop the seizure, and he stopped breathing. So they called a code, and everybody rushed in from everywhere and it looked like, for a little while, that we might lose him. God intervened, and we prayed through that. He was intubated (put on a ventilator) and life-flighted to Hermann downtown.

Here, he started coming out of the sedation but was still really groggy. They ran an MRI and CT scan (these are brain scans) and several Xrays. Late last night he started waking up enough to want the ventilator out, NOW. He was gagging and bucking and really, really mad. We had to really fight for it, but we got the ventilator removed.

It's not funny, but he is such a peaceful, placid kid, and he was furious. He was screaming at the nurses. "NO! NO! CALM DOWN! NO!" We were trying not to laugh at the poor baby because he was about to start flipping hospital beds. Good sign.
He calmed down once everyone quit touching him, and then he started getting sad.

He fought sleep all night because he couldn't lay on his tummy. Several times he flipped over and disconnected his cannula and occluded IVs and wrapped cords all around him, and they would have to come flip him back. Finally this morning they figured out a massive cast-like thing to secure his IV, and then he was able to sleep on his stomach for a while.

Now, he's almost back. He's really jittery and irritable from the pain, but talking and I made him laugh a couple of times.
We've been moved to a less critical area of the ICU, and we should be able to talk to the doctors in a couple of hours.

Good reports, the CT scan and the MRI both look good. So, it is probably not his shunt malfunctioning.
They are doing an EEG now, which measures what's going on brain-wave/seizure wise.

We love you all, and thank you so much for all the prayer and support. Please keep praying.

Monday, October 22, 2007

R2 has just been lifeflighted to Hermann after a very severe seizure. He is critical but stable.
Thank you for your prayers.
I left you on Friday... so, a recap. Friday, we got lost in Vegas some more. Went to three services at the School of Intercession. Ate at In-N-Out. Friday night Mike Bickle preached at the service. I'm not much of a sit-and-listener, but I did. And it was good.
Don't like thinking about the end times, though. But I think I would be less fearful if I was closer to Jesus... gotta work on it. That simple.

Saturday morning we woke up for the Call- Hannah got in from the airport around 2ish... AM. We sleep-talked for a while, and then the alarm clock went off at 5. Oops. That was supposed to be set for 6. So I was wide awake after that and lay there wishing I was asleep for an hour. At 6 we got ready. The guys... who knows. I called at 645 and nobody answered. Sheesh.
At 7 we left for our 7:30 sound check. We arrived at the Thomas and Mack Center at 7:06. So, you know... we stood around for a while, took some pictures, prayed... and went in to the stadium to stand around with our gear until 7:45 when they were ready for us.

Now before I talk about the Call, let me give this disclaimer. I don't speak for Richy, or Radiant, or the Call. These are just my impressions and my heart, which is undoubtedly a little hard. I'm being saved.
The stadium was basically empty- remember, this is 2 hours before the event begins. There were a couple hundred people there, mostly volunteers and ushers and such. We starting what Richy calls a "D piddle" which is just piddling around in the key of D and singing spontaneously. And there was such a sweetness. Just being there, in that empty stadium singing to Jesus. Simplicity. Later it got a little harder. Our goal was lifting the opression. Breakthrough. Somewhere during You are Holy that began to happen.
So it was good. It wasn't easy, but good.

We left to take Nate and Hannah back to the airport (and the Shatter Festival) pretty soon after we finished. So we weren't there for the beginning of the ten o'clock set. But the rest of the day was good. I think that we (people) connect more with this or that cause. So the focuses (foci?) of this Call were not as close to our hearts as Nashville. But we did pray, and worship, and pray, and fast. All day.

The thing with mass intercession like that is, there are ebbs and flows. You're praying or worshipping, and somebody hits on something that is in sync with God's heart in that moment, and zooooom the momentum just takes off and a room of 6000+ people are crying out in unison for one cause. And it is exhilirating. And emotional. And then, it slows down. And you wait, and pray... and hit it again.

But in that moment... you are in destiny. And you (I mean I) can breathe for a minute. It's the right place, at the right time.

This is already maybe the longest blog post I've ever written, and I don't know if anybody will even read the whole thing. So I'll finish the trip update tomorrow.

Oh, and new pics on my picture blog! Click here

Friday, October 19, 2007

After a long day of obsessively making lists and eventually packing, we were off. I said goodbye to my babies.... sigh. My mom picked us up and the MOG (speaking of obsessive) spent 20 minutes looking for his OTHER sunglasses.
I was looking so cute in my overalls with all the brass buttons and buckles. They loved me in airport Security. They just wanted me to stay and stay. I was wanded.... excessively. Everything beeped. *undie alert* even my foundation garments... every dadgum button set off the thing. Wanded wanded. I had to take off my shoes, unbuckle my overalls, arms up, arms down. (that's what it's all about) Frisked, TWICE.

i have to stop this newsy little tome as we have to go now. Catch ya later.

No Smartypants this week.

False alarm. We don't really have to go... because the MOG has to get some Jesus... this is possibly the most oppressive city I have ever been in.
Anyways. Frisked, and then we get to our gate as the flight is boarding. The flight was 3 hours, which is LONG. I did watch my first in-flight movie (Nancy Drew)... that was fun. Unfortunately, we were seated far, far away from each other. But it was okay. My seat companions were British, and I just blissfully eavesdropped on the accents for a while.

Got here. Pacific time. It is so trippy to take off, fly for three hours, and land one hour after takeoff. Ride shuttles and buses and such until we finally get our rental mini-van. I was hoping for something sporty, in fact, I rented a Jeep Liberty online. But we have to pick up the whole band tonight, and besides, the car rental place was out of SUVs. So they rented us a minivan for the same price, which is awesome. And... matronly.

We drove in crazy circles. Figuring out a new city is always a challenge, and doing it dog-tired is wacky. After 4,983 hours, we finally went to sleep. The end.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

My mission today, whether or not I choose to accept it, is to pack for 5 people for 4 days.... I have to start making lists or my brain will just combust.

The MOG and I leave for Vegas tonight. It will be my longest separation from Brynn ever. Uh, except that 2 months she lived in the hospital. But you know what I mean.
I'm pretty nervous about it. She is not such a fan of the bottle, and I haven't started solids yet. So best of luck to Viking Granny!

Oh, and in the usual way these things work, we found out that Radiant is playing before the Call again. But we get a whole hour this time, so that's cool... the songlist is exciting. There's something about opening the morning, preparing the field... hopefully we can get some video for all you cats.

The other thing happening this weekend is Shatter Festival. Leah and Tred (her dance company) will be dancing and there's a webcast. So check it out.

My stomach is all nervousy. I should take a shower now, and then wash clothes. And pack. Clothes. And bottles. And patch cords. And batteries. And **poof**

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I remember it well. Happy Birthday to ME!

I love my birthday.

I just... I just geek out about it. It is so fun to have a day that everybody celebrates that you were born. What an honor... I love it.

We leave for Las Vegas for the Call tomorrow. So I imagine any cake related festivities will be postponed until post-Vegas. Unless I'm having a surprise party tonight.

I hope I can get my picture with an Elvis impersonator in Vegas between all the fasting and praying.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I'm not doing real sewing yet... just practicing on some fabric my mom gave me. I don't have any patterns or anything, just cutting out what kinda looks like half a shirt to me and sewing it all together. So there you go. Toby is very impressed by the monkey's shirt, but Richy keeps saying "Baby needs some pants!"

Today if I get the chance I might try something using real fabric... like, something to keep. Maybe.

Anonymous said...
Dear Mrs. Smartypans,
What priority class do you suggest for Jessica to enroll in so she can understand that friends come before family?
Thank you,
Trashed in Texas
My dear reader. I suggest Express Mail. Priority is overpriced and Express has nicer envelopes.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Not posting... or doing laundry... or making food... BECAUSE

WAHOOOO! Happy Birthday to me!

Friday, October 12, 2007

My new refrigerator will be arriving any minute... the main thing that bummed me out about this apartment was the broken-ish old fridge.... isn't it like God to get me a new one even though I didn't say anything? YAY!

Ms. Smartypants is the definitive advice columnist of whatever century this is. Ask her your questions about love, life, manners, politics.... whatever. She will answer at least one of you. So make it good.

I hope my fridge is really on its way. Because all my foods are currently uncooling on the kitchen counter. Have a happy weekend!

The way I said the CTK/Sanctuary thing was more flippant than I really feel. All this transition is hard for me... I don't like change. We'll explain a little better next week... but know this, CTK family- you are so loved and so much family to me. Hopefully we can make all these transitions with grace.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

The plan was to make a quick trip to the library and the grocery...back in time to blog pre noon. We were unavoidably detained by a trip to the mall, the carousel and the Talking Tree. Fun was had by all.
Back to the apartment which stinks to high heaven because the apartments sprayed today. And may their efforts be fruitful, is all I'm gonna say about that.

I have been listening to KSBJ around the clock trying to win these Switchfoot tickets. It's a great station, but I am starting to hate EVERY song. So there you go. Peace out.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

What a horribly unpleasant day yesterday... I HATE throwing up. I go to great lengths to avoid it. Gee whiz.
Feeling much better today, although still a little queasy.

But enough about that. I ask you this question, on today's edition of
Can this Marriage Be Saved??

Let's say that *Anne and *Jim have been married a good long time, oh, 11 years or so. And Anne likes pulp. Pulpy bright fresh tasting orange juice. HIGH pulp. Jim likes NO pulp. Tang-tasting watery pulpless orange juice.
Neither Anne nor Jim nor little *Harry or *Jim Jr. drink enough oj to buy multiple cartons.
The options are no pulp, low pulp, medium pulp, high pulp.
Jim considers a compromise "low" pulp.
Anne considers compromise "medium" pulp.
Can this marriage be saved?

And a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BETH C, sharer of my birth week for all of my remembered life!

*names changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

I am so sick. No, I'm not pregnant.

sheesh. and so far today toby has figured out how to plug in lamps... and get in the fireplace... (did you know sooty hair actually has gray suds??) and just wreak general havoc. In fact, I think I shall call him General Havoc.


Monday, October 8, 2007

dear ms.sp, why is "hot" such a versitile word?
Hot, from the latin Hotus, is truly a word of many meanings. It can be used to refer to the attractiveness of another member of the species, although an outcry may occur. It can also be used to convey danger to a toddler. "Don't touch that! It's HOT." applying to any type of household hazard. There are other meanings, but you already know them and I am moving on.
As to WHY it is so versatile, only God and maybe Thor know.

-pants on fire! why did lithium batteries pass govt scrutiny?
The government is very busy testing things for millions of dollars. They don't have time to worry about the ocassional American's pants combusting. Unless those are the President's pants. That would be costly and embarassing.

and what about all those toys with lead paint recalls?
Is this a plot by the Chinese? You never can know. I would like to say, for the record, that pencils do not contain lead. They have a combination of Madagascar clay and graphite, and the random toddler chewing on a random unsharpened pencil is in no great danger of contracting lead poisoning. For the record.

josharoo said...
For Mrs. Smartypants:

-What is your suggestion of how we should spend our time when we visit Texas the week of Christmas?
Skiing, snowboarding, snow angels.... OR go to Splashtown. More amusing would be to ride every elevator in town. Just go on a whirlwind trip through Conroe, finding elevators. Fun AND exciting.

Anonymous said...
Dear Ms Smartypants,

What is the best way to rid oneself of toejam?

Stinky Feet

My Dear Stinky Feet... well, not my feet, mind you. I mean, my dear reader. You should collect the following ingredients: 1 pint of uranium, enriched. 1 smoking Ipod Nano, pocket edition, 1 small jar of mustard sauce from China delight, and a bag of paper clips. Take all of these ingredients into a Volkswagen bus and drive VERY fast down the freeway. Something will happen, I assure you. When it is over, you won't even remember toejam.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Man's Pants Catch Fire At Airport

POSTED: 5:04 pm EDT October 4, 2007
UPDATED: 6:53 pm EDT October 4, 2007

ATLANTA -- The new iPod Nano is hot. But one Douglasville man said his old Nano got even hotter -- hot enough to burst into flames.
“So I look down and I see flames coming up to my chest,” said Danny Williams.
Williams said the burn hole from the pocket of his pants marks the spot of his 15 seconds of flame. He said he had an iPod Nano and an glossy piece of paper in his pocket. He believes the paper shielded him from being burned.
“I’m still kind of freaked out that after only a year and a half my iPod caught fire in my pocket,” said Williams.
The iPod uses a lithium ion battery -- the same type of battery under recall for setting laptops on fire.
Williams said the fact is iPod Nano burst into flames while he was at work was bad enough, where he works could have been another issue. He works at a kiosk in Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport.
“If TSA had come by and seen me smoking, they could have honestly thought I was a terrorist,” said Williams.
Williams said Apple wants him to send his iPod back and they’ve vowed to replace it. Williams’ mother called Channel 2 because she said this is more than one iPod. She said it’s about what could have happened.
“It could have happened when we were sleeping, it could have happened when he was driving and the outcome could have been much worse,” said Elaine Williams.
After Channel 2 sent Apple pictures of the iPod, they called back but they refused to say how common the problem is. In fact, Apple refused to talk about this particular incident at all.

I can't believe Apple didn't want to talk about it... there is so much to talk about.

Let's begin with the "money" elements. That is the words "pants" and "fire". I'm already laughing. Then you have to put all the pieces together....
What material were these highly flammable pants? Polyester, no doubt.
And what was the "glossy paper" referenced in the article.... the paper that saved Danny's life?? Pokemon, anyone?

(pause to laugh at my deductions)

And then, beautiful. Who calls in the story? Danny's mother. Because Danny's pants caught fire at middle school. Oh, wait....

I just have such a great image of the whole scenario. And maybe I'm totally wrong. But I don't think so.

Get yer questions in for Ms. Smartypants!! Ask em while they're hot!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

I've been trying to think of the right thing to say... but there is no right thing. Not even a good thing.
To Josh and Shannon:
I (and I know it's all of us here on the blog) am so, so sorry that you lost your baby. My heart is so heavy and I am praying for you.
It makes heaven richer and earth poorer. I love you.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

YAY! Fast internet.... zoooom

We moved into the new place Sunday. Unbelievable. We threw away and donated a 1 car garage full of stuff. And we still have too much for this apartment and almost half of Rob's garage. What is all this stuff? And why, when I look around, do I need all of it? Do you know what I mean? It's not like I can readily spot superflous belongings. It's all my stuff. And I want it.

And then this other part of me wants to just leave everything and start from scratch. But that costs money... I mean, we'd have to buy more couches and dishes and shoes... and DVDs and paper and instruments.

What do we really need anyway? When did I become dependent on SO much?? Just percolating.

So anyway, last night was Simplify's 80's party. We were awesome, but I can't upload pics yet. This is a cute little apartment. I like it. It's funny thinking we'll only be here 3 months. Kinda makes it a hotel. Kinda.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

using a tiny little hijacked signal here... my real internet should be hooked up later today... we're in the new apartment....
it was a LOT of work to get here, and I still have far too many material posessions.
More on that later. Just checking in!

Friday, September 28, 2007

5:20 decide to order pizza
5:21-5:31 try to get the pizza hut online ordering to work. No go.

5:31 Order pizza, on the phone. "Pizza representative" does not know if they have any specials, or much of anything, pizza-related. I forge on.

5:36 Am assured pizza will be delivered in one hour.

6:ish VKG arrives and carts off small gentlemen

6:ish MOG arrives, concerned about hunger pangs. We are comforted by the thought of pizza arriving, post-haste.

6:45 I call Pizza Hut. "There's no drivers here, so he must be on his way." Hmmm

7:ish Pizza guy arrives with cold pizza, and no beverages or sauce... which accounts for 4 bucks... he assures me he will bring it right back.
MOG and I decide to withold from eating the pizza until we have bevs and sauce...

7:20 I call and ask whereabouts of driver. No one knows. No one has ever heard of a driver.

7:35 I call and ask for a manager. I am asked, "Was the driver kinda short and old? Was he young and kinda, you know, big? Mustache? Did he drive a big car? Little black car? Who drive a little black car? Was it a Grand Am?....." by this point I am demanding a refund and trying to not die laughing as it would not help my cause.
Manager? Yeah, we have one. Oh, well. She's busy. She told me to ask you what you want. blah blah infinity

7:45 or so I am finally speaking to the manager, who will send my drinks and such over as soon as a driver gets in. Refund? You want a refund? How bout a credit for the next time you order from us? Oh, okay. I'll just credit your card, then.

8:15 Eat reheated pizza and drink tap water. At least it was free.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Our house is getting empty. We sold a fridge, and Rags to Riches just picked up half a box truck full of furniture and clothes and toys.
This is starting to sink in.

I just want to get rid of so much... start over, in a sense. But you know, starting over takes cash. So I have to kinda PC my way through, startup, crash, defrag. And so on.

This is going to be an interesting season. Not easy, necessarily. Is there an easy season? Maybe grace-filled... but nothing seems easy.

Now, I shall make a gourmet lunch of mac and cheese and hot dogs, which we will sit on the floor and eat, as I donated the table.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Yesterday we went all around the world. That is, to the library and LaPalma and the paint store and etc etc etc. Oh, and to R2's horseriding.
Then, when we got home. I put the boys inside the house, and walked back out to get Brynn. Slam! And that quickly... they locked me out.

So here I am.... 190 degrees outside with no cell phone or keys and two happy little boys inside. At least Bean was with me. I knocked to no avail... looking in the window, no boys in sight. I figured they were either upstairs chewing on electrical wires or downstairs in the kitchen playing drums with steak knives (it's not unlikely, I'm just saying).

So I knock some more and finally go next door to my neighbor Fabio's house. Yes, that is his name, and no, he is not. So I call the MOG and go sit on my porch. And then I try ringing the doorbell a LOT and knocking very loudly. And eventually I see a little fuzzy blonde head coming down the stairs. So I am yelling through the door, open and so on (you know) and he is giggling and shaking the doorknob but he has no clue what I'm talking about.

So Bean and I go back to our lawn chair. Soon, Fuzzy is joined by his brother, Bad Mischievious, who bangs on the window and yells cheerful things to me. He also shakes the doorknob, and knocks on the door a little. Very helpful. And then he climbs up on the windowsill with a firm grip on the wood blinds I don't want to have to pay for. But really, I'm just happy he is where I can see him.

Soon, Daddy comes home and opens the door, which is very exciting to everyone for a variety of reasons. Then he goes back to work and the boys are very mad at me for closing the door so they can't go with him.

Today, I'm packing. Toby is being quite helpful by taking things out of boxes and putting them in other boxes.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Mama PC said...

how long can an animal go without being fed by the owner?

Of course, this answer depends on the animal and the culture/climate in which it is raised. To use the vernacular of the locals, "It ain't gone starve, There's crickets and little critters for 'em."

josharoo said...

What animal is the most populous in the whole world?

That would be the famed "party animal". In all the world population and even amidst unreached people groups, the mammalis fiesta can be found. In some remote corners of the earth, you can locate one imbibing fermented coan'ituzi juice and dancing wildly with no pants. Here locally, the party animal subsists on fermented barley.

Viking Granny :0) said...

Dear Ms. Smarty Pants

What would a person do who really needs animal advice and the only one offering it has experteezze in the field of siameeze fighting fish?

My dear reader, one does not have to BE a woodchuck to know how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood. Google.

Viking Granny :0) said...

Dear Ms sp......

Knock Knock is lonely........

his little face is so sad each morning when he is being left alone..

I pet him everyday......walk with him occasionally and play ball every single dad gum day.....and offer him grandkids at least once a week.......

What can I do to make a happier Knock Knock?

Considering that Knock Knock has already been emasculated, there is probably little in the world that could cheer him up. Perhaps you should get him a cat.

In other news, Toby is working for the man now...

In other, other news, I am moving on Sunday. Which will make THREE Sundays in a row we have not been at church. Frist, for the momentous birth of Ruby. Second, because the MOG had to finish mixing the new CD before his studio is packed away for 3 months and I am too lazy unmotivated to go to church alone, and now for the move.
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