Smartypants... Wednesday afternoon edition

I'll update on the fast and the potty training and such tomorrow, too much good stuff for Smartypants today.

Anonymous said...
Mrs Smartypants,
How old must you be before it can be said you died of old age?
Strangely, this question has changed over time. In 1996, I would have considered 30 a ripe old age... worthy of surrendering your life, because you've lived it... and so on. Now, I'm thinking post-80.

Anonymous said...
Mrs SP,
Since we have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
Excellent question. I am told heaven boasts chocolate mansions. Edible chocolate mansions. I can't make it past that.

BethC said...
mrs. sp,
please explain why music soothes the savage beast
The question here, is what manner of person does savage beastly music sooth? For your consideration.

Anonymous said...
Ms SP,
Can music save my mortal soul as quoted from the song "Bye, Bye Miss American Pie"?
Just Wondering
Mmm.... pie.

Anonymous said...
hey smarty girl - when sour cream goes bad does it become sweet
When sour cream falls from grace, it becomes discolored. If your husband then eats it, is it your fault? The answer is emphatically NO.

Anonymous said...
Mrs SP,
Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
I'm still laughing at this one. Beats me.

Anonymous said...
My Dear Ms Smartypants,
Which is best:
To put ones socks on both feet, then the shoes, OR sock on left foot, shoe on left foot, then sock on right foot, sock on right foot OR sock on right foot, shoe on right foot then sock on left foot, shoe on left foot?
Inquiring Mind
I asked an expert, Richard Lynn Clark the Second. He demonstrated the following technique. First, peruse your sock drawer, removing all unsuitable socks and throwing them on the floor. Next, sit in the living room and leave one sock in an unusual location, i.e. on the table. Place the remaining sock with the gray heel portion facing up, on your left foot. Hold up your shoes, very close to your face, assuring that they are not, in fact, your brother's shoes. Put the right foot shoe on the left foot. Begin the process of dressing foot 2, then realize you are missing a sock. Take off shoe, and sock. These things can only stay on in pairs. Go in search of sock #2. Unable to locate it, go back to the sock drawer, removing the remainder of its contents. Place the new #2 sock on the right foot. Lose sock 1. Watch a little PBS. Begin again.

Carl said...
Oh Smartypants,
I've always wondered, can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car-pool lane?
Car-pool Carl
You are one sick puppy, Carl. However, I have for your perusal the following ACTUAL news story.

The blow-up passenger doll is returning to Seattle HOV lanes
Posted by The Oregonian August 02, 2007 06:58AM
Categories: Puget Sound
What chaps Seattle-area commuters the most, ranked by complaints calls to police? It's people who are cheating in the car pool lane with dummies (adult and baby). The cops have heard it all. My dog is my passenger. I'm pregnant, and that counts. No. It doesn't. Passengers have to be alive. Not if a coffin in a hearse. The Seattle Times takes a broad look.

In King County, the Patrol gets more complaints about car-pool-lane violations than about any other violation. The State Patrol averages about 2,200 complaints in the county each month, and it only gets worse in the summer, said Merrill -- in June there were 3,839 complaints.
The Patrol issued 1,252 tickets for HOV violators in June. At the start of July, the fine for being a solo driver in the diamond lane went up from $101 to $124 a pop.

A survey of local drivers conducted three years ago by the Washington State Transportation Center found the majority of both solo drivers and HOV users thought car-pool-lane cheaters were committing a serious traffic violation.

Mama PC said...
dear SP
what does home owner do to remedy problem of one certain mama cat that flails herself upon the window screen in demand of a breakfast platter???
Have a good chuckle. Stupid animals.

Anonymous said...
Dear Ms SP
If laying in bed wide awake for hours......2am......after prayer and talking to God an still being wide awake........should you.....jump up.....and clean the house or lay there for 3 more hours?
A little educational reading might be in order. Perhaps a Farm Journal or An Inconvenient Truth.

Anonymous said...
Dear Ms. SP -
why do most theological discussions with children happen at bedtime when all you want is for them to put their head down and sleep? Or at bathtime when they ask if Adam & Eve had bellybuttons?
~ mystified missionary
Kids. No accounting for em.