Thursday, January 31, 2008

So this is day two of the new schedule. And I am feeling so much better about life in general since I didn't have to get up at 7.
This is one of those rare moments where both babies are sleeping, or at least quiet in their rooms. Aaaaah..... nice. Just me and Rush and Buzz Lightyear.

You know what's hard? Motivation. I need a life coach. Well. I kinda have one. But he's more of an unsolicited advice coach.
WHY is it so hard to do what I need to do? I'm bustin' a Romans 7 here... feeling the Apostle Paul's pain.
I know who I want to be. I know the end result. But I really don't feel like doing the work. Except for a sort of passive inclination in my subconscious somewhere that I want to do more than just exist.
Oh, and another element of that is that I want my children to be something. To be passionate and have a cause. So they get a little of that from the MOG. But they spend most of their time with me, wandering idly from chore to meal to sitting on my blessed assurance. Not exactly an example of a reformer.
This is an interesting place in life. I am a mother of young children, which is really all-encompassing. How do you do more than that? But I know it's possible. My current coach tells me about Susanna Wesley with her ... what was it like 16 children or something.. and she would sit on the floor and pull her apron up over her head and meet with Jesus. And all her kids understood that signal. So of course it's possible. Just not easy. I like easy.
And there's another part of me that knows if I keep waiting for the next phase of my life to wake up, life will pass me by and I will have so many regrets. Because it just keeps moving, you know? There's no pause button.

So there you have it... another introspective day in the life. This has got to be the most boring blog EVER.
Well, no.
This is the most boring blog ever. Awesome.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The MOG started his IHOP class today. By the way, when I say IHOP, I mean International House of PRAYER. I wish there were pancakes involved, but alas, it was not meant to be. So anyways, this class... we were both supposed to take it, but the children's class doesn't take special needs kids. Which is lame. We are working on changing that, on a wide scale, but as of now, nope.
So the MOG will be in class the first 3 hours of the day and then in the HOP 4 hours a day. Kinda sucks to be me. Seriously though, I will need a lot of grace for this 10 weeks. I know I'll be lonely, and I hope Toby won't drive me bonkers.
I am getting a membership at the YMCA. They have a variety of adaptive sports for special guys, plus childcare whilst I do whatever I'm going to do... water aerobics, maybe. Scoff if you will, but I think doing something will help with the boredom and such.

Today, I met an online friend at a coffee shop. There is a Christian message board that I have belonged to for about 3 and a half years... deals with infertility, and pregnancy and infant loss and adoption and so on. So today I met Joyce. She has a daughter a few months older than Toby, who she adopted from Kazakstahn... the spelling is iffy there. Anyway, we met at a coffee shop at a church, where they have a playroom and we drank our heated beverages and talked. Very interesting... it's strange when you absolutely do not know someone and then there you are in person. She was nice... her daughter is a sweetie. We talked a lot of spiritual stuff, initiated by me, which is unusual because I prefer to be pretty surface with people.
Maybe I'm changing.

This was supposed to be Existensial thought Wednesday but maybe tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I need to be starting lunch now. Which means washing a LOT of dishes. So I blog.

We bought several locks yesterday, primarily designed to keep Toby in the house. I wish I had one to keep him in his room at nap time, but no luck. We had to buy high locks, because he has figured out how to work the doorknob covers. He has also figured out how to drag a chair around and climb to get high things. So we'll see how long the high locks work.

Last night I was making dinner, and R2 came in and started hugging me. I said, "Awww... you love your mommy." And he says, "I love sandwiches, mama..."

In other news, it is snowing today. It was 40 degrees when we woke up and 22 degrees when we finished breakfast. We were kind of hoping for a blizzard, just for variety, but all we got is snow flurries. 

And now I'm hungry so I guess I have to clean the kitchen. Tomorrow: existential thought Wednesday.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Miss me? We had a fun day out ... grocery shopping and such, buying locks galore to keep Toby in the house.
So I'll blog forizzle tomorrow.
In the meantime, check this out! A Viking goes to Africa

Friday, January 25, 2008

Today, as I was driving home from the airport (the MOG is going to lead worship at this), Mama called me.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
I assured her that I was fine, figuring out everything as well as trying to drive home from the airport, which is pretty tricky in the land of 1000 freeways.
"Some of your existensial statements are alarming the family..." she says. MUAHAHAHA

Hey! Can't a girl be deep sometimes? I mean day in and day out, I'm cold, went to the library, Toby was bad... is that interesting reading?

Seriously, though. I'm good. I'm growing. I think I'll try some things I've never tried... like navigating an unfamilar city, or working out... or making friends by my own initiative. I think I'll develop a prayer life, and start writing beyond this blog. I want to be MORE. Existensial... deep, whatever. I'll still write a lot of fluff, because I enjoy writing fluff. But on a dark day, if I write that I am alone and afraid, hey! It's all good. I'm just talking about what's always been there.

In other news, it's just me and the wee folk this weekend... doubt we're going anywhere. Because it's cold and Toby is adventurous, vocal and persistent.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Usually, about the third day into any kind of fast is really bad. You start to get hungry, and irritable. Everything that is normally kept under wraps by food sedation is exposed. If you make it through that day, it's much easier for the next several days. Until the next issue comes to the surface. Talking myself through that moment, I tell myself, this is when it becomes fasting. Until now, I could maintain that I was not hungry, or in need.

I am hungry and in need.
I'm lonely. I'm bored and unmotivated and overwhelmed. And all of my anesthetics are gone....

Get this... there is a soul-deep ache in me. I am missing Eden. Things are not as they should be and something in my spirit knows that. So I ache... I grieve and hurt for what I am supposed to be, the communion I am supposed to know. And I can, I could eat my way through the pain. I could fill my mind with politics, or hobby or entertainment. I could make a friend and talk myself through the boredom, and convince myself that the vacancy in me is filled.

Until that moment when once again I become aware of my nakedness and am ashamed.

G.K. Chesterson said, “Every man who knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.” I am sick to death from filling myself up with filler. And yet, despite my obvious and great need, I choose over and over again to anesthetize. Because it is easier. I do not like who I am when the pain comes up.

So here I am faced with a choice. I can find something to distract me, and maybe even smother for a time the spark that is a desire for something more. OR I can face the ache, and try to find solace and comfort in the only One who can fill me.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

My boys like to eat. Not my husband. He uses food for fuel. But my sons.... they know how to go to the trough.
I've been giving them cereal for break-tiss, but they are hungry again in 15 minutes. So today I did a big breakfast with french toast and bacon and such. Inhaled. Maybe an hour before I'm getting the "eat" sign from R2. (Sigh)

Eating out is getting expensive... no sharing plates with us, they eat it all. So we have started going to Cici's for our out-to-eat. You have to understand, I have always hated Cicis. Use the name as a curse and so on. But Toby the Vaccuum is free, and the rest of us are like 3 or 4 bucks. Nobody counts Carseat Bean, she just eats crusts, anyway. It is HILARIOUS to watch them eat. They put away probably 5-7 slices of pizza each. And then dessert. (oh, and on a side note, Cici's has awesome cinnamon rolls. Who'da thunk?)

I've been making big pots o' stuff meals, chili and beans and rice and such. And we're finishing them off. This is so funny...

Anyway, these little dollar pizzas, tony's or tonitos or something. They have been eating half a pizza each. So today I am experimenting with giving them an entire pizza each. Currently, Toby has pretty much just crust left and Richy has about a slice and a half. Awesome.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Currently, Toby is busting a jam on the keyboard. If you don't speak ebonics, especially early 90's ebonics, I mean he is playing the keyboard... or electric piano, if you will. My preference would be that he be in his bed sound asleep. But, you can't always get what you want.
So no nap. Evening meltdown predicted for 5 pm.

It's cold here. Broken record, I know. But today I just want to sit on the couch with a blanket and a stack of library books... and I have, several times. Then somebody falls down, or takes off their diaper, or in Bean's case, whimpers quietly, and I'm up again... did the dishes. So that was productive. Oh, and I conquered Laundry Hill. From the couch. Laundry Mountain is untouched... the plan is to fold tonight during American Idol, and put away during commercials. We shall see. I have less than stellar faith in my resolutions.

So that's it. Booooring. And yet, cozy. Later.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Happy Monday!
Feeling much better today after multiple hours alone on Saturday... at Barnes and Noble, and then the library, and then the thrift store. I am now the proud owner of TWO new books, and the borrower of a lot... this library is cool.

In other news, my feet are in shock. They have been consistently cold for 3 weeks. I told Richy I was getting frostbite, but he didn't even care. This weekend, Saturday maybe, it was 3 degrees. By mid-afternoon, it was a sunny EIGHT. Are you kidding me? I didn't even know there was an EIGHT. I asked Toby if he wanted to play outside... first time ever he's turned me down.

So there you go, there's the update. It's cold.

In other, other news, yesterday was one of the two days a year that the MOG wants to watch football. I tried to be a football buddy as we got out the ol' rabbit ears, but by the second down or something like that I was reading a book. I stink at football watching.

That's all the news. Good day.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Well, it's finally snowing. Glorious. I went out on the porch last night and let myself get snowed on. Oh, and I took pictures of myself. No TV needed. I am a one man show.

Toby is a determined, independent, persuasive and persistent person. He has strong convictions and is not easily swayed. He is passionate about the things that he loves, willing to fight for what he feels is right, or rightly his. That sounds pretty good. If I make it through the next 18 years, he is going to be a DOOZY of an adult. Actually, saying it that way gives me a little perspective. Maybe when he wakes up from his nap, he won't frazzle me so much.

I am officially lonely. I don't want to make new friends, I don't like them. I want my old friends. Okay, fine. I'll make new friends. But sheesh... how do you make friends when you have three little kids? Maybe other people with little kids... sheesh.

I don't want to think about it today. I'll think about that tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I am supposed to be having a date by myself tomorrow, to spend my grand and highly exalted Barnes and Noble card. We shall see. books in the snow

OH- and go check out the new Radiant Worship Blog!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

No blog today. My brain is fried from children.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Anybody need a Kansas City phonebook? No? Okay. Because I have at least EIGHT. Maybe 10. And they keep delivering them. Fat ones, skinny ones, some as big as your head...
Surely no one needs this many phone books.. is there a lot of competition in the Yellow Pages market? For FREE phone books? I am a little befuddled. Also perplexed and discombobulated.
Another irony about this situation is my COMPLETE unlikeliness to use the phone at all. Today I had to use it to work on R2's medical stuff. And it was in the basement. With the MOG. I haven't used the real phone since we moved here, evidently. I do have my cell phone, but that is primarily for texting. Duh.

Speaking of Duh, did anyone watch American Idol last night? I love this show. This is the meanest part, so if you have compassion and all that (wuss) then wait a couple weeks till they weed out the psychos and then it is more about good singing. But now, it's psycho time. I do love me some psychos when they aren't prophesying over me in a parking lot or asking to hold my baby. Good ol TV psychos with Princess Leia costumes and strange song choices... that's good TV.

In other news, it is supposed to snow tonight. We'll see. I have become jaded since it hasn't snowed here since the week we moved in.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Here's the little weekend update... the plan was to drive to Cincinnati in the evening to avoid all the visual stimulation for R2, which we are considering might be a trigger for seizures. So we planned on leaving at 3 pm and driving for 9 hours. But really, it was more like 4 when we finally got on the road and then it took 10 hours. Which sounds insane, but it really wasn't that bad. Except I hate McDonalds now.
So we got to the hotel at 2 or 3 or something insane- 3 because of the time change. Since Toby had a nice nap from 9 or so, he was cheery and awake and very excited about everything. Until 5:30. Then he got up around 9-ish ready for the new day. The Call started at 10 but that was not do-able... Daddy moves a little slow in the morning, and R2 makes him look fast.

Eventually we got to the Call, and stayed for 7 hours. It was awesome, it always is. This one was focused a lot on the African-American issues and abortion and such. After 7 hours, my arms and my brain were tired... we probably could have stuck it out the remaining 5 hours, but me and the wee folk went back to the hotel. Where I watched about 5 minutes of the webstream before Toby tripped over the power cord and broke it off in the laptop. So that was the end of that. Maybe the end of that laptop, too. Time will tell.

Sunday we slept in till 8:30. Thanks, Toby. He and I snuck out of the room with him in his Spidey PJs and his stick-up hair. Everybody in the breakfast room was admiring him. What a cutie. He talked through half a waffle, several strips of bacon, eggs, froot loops and some yogurt. And some OJ. I don't know if he would have ever stopped, but you know, I did.

Then Sunday we drove home, used a gift card at Olive Garden... yesssss. And got home by midnight-ish. It was a good trip and a fun one and our first family vacation, technically. So there you go.

In other news, American Idol starts tonight. Time to find the rabbit ears in the garage.

Monday, January 14, 2008

it's that time of year again... The one remaining power supply is broken and that puts two laptops out of commision. Simultaneously, our Internet connection is down. So I blog from the amazing iPhone. So no weekend update today unless God, apple or at&t smiles upon us.

Friday, January 11, 2008

blogging from the road to Cincinnati... Here we go!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Toby and I went to the library today. I made it about 1/4 of the way through the fiction section... and what a workout! He is nuts. He had the greatest time of his life running through the racks. I didn't have quite as much fun, but at least I got out of the house.
Speaking of the house, if you didn't see the house tour, go watch it. On yesterday's post. I'll wait.

Okay, cute little house, eh? I am going to be putting photos and videos up as time allows on my photobucket account here.

In other news, we drive to Cincinnati tomorrow night... we are attempting to make the drive easier for R2, so we're leaving late afternoon so most of our drive will be in the dark. Then Saturday is the Call Cincinnati (look at the spelling of Cincinnati.. not what I thought) and then Sunday we drive back to KC. And maybe, if we figure it out and finances permitting, we take the crew to the Veggie Tales movie which is going to ROCK.

And that's all for today, folks.

except for this gratuitous cuteness.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I've got a fun little house video to put up here, waiting for it to load onto Photobucket so I can load it over here. Anyways.

Registered to vote in Missouri today, hopefully we're good to be able to vote in the February primary. Soon we have to go over to the DPS or whatever it's called here and change our licenses. Isn't that weird?

So okay, back with the video eventually.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I had planned to upload some videos on here today... you know what they say about plans.

Well, they say a lot of things about plans. The one I'm talking about is, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." That one. By the way, have I endorsed Evan Almighty on here? Because it is GREAT. I wouldn't watch it for months for fear of sacrilege, and then Richy found a Christian review and talked me into it. And I loved it. Not BRUCE Almighty- NO. Evan Almighty. I digress.

So, no video. Lots of poop and tears and things falling and being thrown. Toby has learned "MINE!" And now, Cici's. It just gets worse and worse.


Monday, January 7, 2008

All right, all right. Politics.

Now here's the whatsit. I LOVE politics. But I don't enjoy discussing it that much because it gets ugly so quickly. Nonetheless, I will now discuss it with you.

I like Huckabee, started liking him during the debates and have been watching him since. I also like Romney and Thompson. I'd be okay with any of them.

Here's where it gets tricky for me. Rush Limbaugh. He is my main man. I HEART Rush. And he doesn't like Huck. Doesn't feel like he's conservative enough on the issues. This has shaken my faith in Huck. Not because I believe whatever Rush says, but because I know Rush has the understanding and the experience to know what he's talking about. So it does sway me some, or at least make me think. Which is good, I should know why I support someone and stand by my convictions.

I believe the KEY issue right now is abortion. I think it is heavy on the heart of God, and it's time to END this abomination. Because it is. It is an evil institution. So that was my foundation, and the first reason I ruled out Rudy, who I loved for his leadership on 9/11. Another key issue is gay marriage, and preserving the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. Huck and I see eye to eye on these.
I am a conservative, and I believe in conservatism. Smaller government, less taxes, free trade, crackdown on immigration, a strong military and defense policy- capitalism etc etc. And Huck is a little disappointing on these. But the social/moral issues are weightier, for me and my one vote.

Add to that some of the prophetic voices that I greatly respect putting their support behind him, and that is in his favor.

Here's the deal, though. It's early yet. Candidates will drop out and show up. Somebody might unearth a love child or some crime or (gasp) politically incorrect statement anda candidate will drop off the landscape in a matter of days. So at this point, it's important to study and listen to the candidates, and learn.

Here's some political ground rules for my blog.
• Feel free to promote your candidate. We can all learn. NOTE: don't post long articles. Just post the link.
• DO NOT criticize somebody elses candidate. It's rude, and I don't like rudeness. You can post a link to a hit piece, just add a warning.
• No personal attacks on other bloggers. Come on.

So there you go.

In other news, it has been record temperatures up here for days, in the 60s. BORING. I need some snow. And I shall have some, tomorrow. Also, the Call Cincinatti is Saturday and we Clarks are driving up, or over or whatever and attempting it. I may spend the majority of the day in a hotel room watching the webstream. But at least I'll be able to go to some of it.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Sheesh. What a day. Not lousy, exactly. Just long and frustrating. Starting with Toby waking up at 6 am. Then taking off his clothes and peeing on the wood floor. THEN I decided to explore and go to Walmart and such today. On my own. Well, the only adult.
So I google mapped everything I wanted to do and set off.

First I drove out of the way to go to the bank, only there was no bank there. In phone consultations with the MOG, we eventually determined that "Bank of America" was actually some banker type in a house. In other words, not the bank. So he redirected me to another bank, and off I went. When I reached State Line Avenue, I called him... something a little funny there. Oh, right. The OTHER way. And now I'm in Kansas. Which was less than 10 miles away, but still. KANSAS.

So we mapped bank option 3, in Kansas. And I actually found it and finally that was okay. I now had less than an hour to find Walmart, shop and return prior to Toby waking up, at which time Toby's daddy would spontaneously combust. So off I went. Back to Missouri, to the road where Walmart was. Only it wasn't. More driving. More phone consults/mapping. Found an empty WM, shut down. Went to Big K. Turns out Big K doesn't really have groceries. Toby wakes up, I head home. 2 hours to make a deposit in another state and buy some crackers and Cheerios.

We drop the MOG off at IHOP and I forge on. We have to have food, darnit. And I HATE Price Chopper. So I just drive around. And lo and behold, a Sam's Club! Which means Walmart! Somewhere around! Only not!

3 cart boy consultations later, I am finally directed by an elderly woman in a fur hat, back over to the state line. And sure enough, Super Walmart. Something familiar, FINALLY. I grocery up and drive home, where I back into the garage door, cracking it and scratching my bumper. And my wisdom teeth are coming in. I think I need to be put down.

Ah, and politics? Later, later.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Last night we found a resale shop. I just went in to check it out... wanting to spend the last of the Christmas money and maybe buy a temporary dining table. There were a couple of options, which were ultimately voted down by the Fashionista/MOG. More meals on the couch. Sheesh. Ugly does not equal no good. Anyways.

Later we attempted to attend a prayer rally/service for the Luke 18 project. We made it through worship, but as soon as it was time to sit down, Tobias felt the need to entertain the masses. Dancing, singing, crawling like a baby, running down aisles. We made a discreet exit by gathering 2 tons of winter garb, massive diaper bag, laptop case, car seat with Bean, and a whining Toby. Jumping R2 followed discreetly behind. Sigh. We are going to have to figure this out.

In other news, I really like this house. It is cozy and happy. And my kitchen is huge, although I am not loving me washing dishes by hand.

I need to finish unpacking clothes, and do some laundry. It is, however, approximately 30 degrees in the garage, where the washer and dryer are. So unpacking it shall be.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

What a whirlwind of glamour and excitement I am in... today, I made meatloaf. Somebody stop me.

Today, I put the wee gents into snow gear and sent them out into the yard, as they requested. It took close to an hour to collect all the snow gear and put them in it, then they spent 5-10 minutes outside and wanted back in. Maybe that'll cure them of wanting to go outside.

I think the thing over there says it's 32 degrees. Nope, it's FOURTEEN. Yikes.

I like the new house. It was built in 1950 and has been vacant for a year, so there are some kinks to work out. Like tree roots in the septic. Say hello to Snake and Rooter. And various leaks, primarily in the basement... and oh, did I mention we don't have a refrigerator yet? As in, we moved in on FRIDAY. And no fridge yet. It's scheduled to arrive today, and it better be a doozy. We've been keeping the milk on the back porch, where it freezes solid. And all the perishables have been in the garage, which keeps them icy cool. It's kind of an adventure, actually. It will be like a luxury house when we have a refrigeration unit in our kitchen.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Well, here we are. 5 of us alone -several states away from friends and family. I have been dreading this, but you know, it's okay.
So begins the Clark family adventure.

The Call KC was beautiful. R2 didn't go at all, we just took the babies and traded them back and forth between me and the MOG. They actually did very well, although we did have Toby on a wrist leash. Sorry if you think that's cruel.... 25,000+ people and a runner... he gets a leash.
It felt very true to the spirit of the original Calls we attended, less praise and worship, more prayer. It was intense all day long. Me and the munchkins left after 7 hours, but I watched the stream on God TV, which you can watch for free on your computer anytime... and they will be replaying the Call, so keep an eye out.

Radiant did not play, we just attended and prayed. And actually, that may be why I enjoyed it so much. Being behind the scenes sometimes, you miss the flavor of what's happening on the floor. So that was refreshing and awesome.

Richy woke me up at 11:55 where I had fallen asleep watching the stream on my laptop, and we had a nice quiet Happy New Year listening to the neighbors fireworks and him eating his chili dog.

This morning I said goodbye to my mom for the longest separation we will ever have, at least a few months, maybe longer. I didn't cry... but I feel the gap already. Then I said goodbye to the team and my sister and Nate. And now we're on our own.

This is going to be fun.
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