Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I'm here. I just can't think of anything to say.
So there you go.
Hey! I thought of something... if you're local, please spread the word about our CD Recording Sunday night! It's going to be an amazing time of worship....

Monday, July 30, 2007

josharoo said...
Mrs. Smartypants,

What did the Jones’ do to be chosen for the phrase “Keeping up with the Jones’?”
Frederick X. Jones, that great emancipator and poet… his contributions to society will not quickly be forgotten. He invented the paper clip, which had enormous success and made him a wealthy man. Very quickly, though, he fell into dissolution and wild hedonism. In a holding cell in the deepest regions of Antartica, he met Ms. Penelope Cedarwocky, who gladly married him to escape her last name. Together, they invented the binder clip, and the rest is history.

josharoo said...
Mrs. Smartypants,

Please tell us more about you, such as your family history, where you grew up, what you do for a living, and info about your spouse.
This is a subject for another day, dear reader. Maybe even a book. Or miniseries.

anonymous said...

When will the imperial George W. Bush be impeached?
On that day of porcine soaring, my dear reader.

anonymous said...
Dear Ms Smartypants,

What is best color to choose for fingernails & toes? There are so many wonderful colors from which to choose that it is sometimes overwhelming. Help!
Many young readers like to adorn themselves in dark fingernail polish and go about looking like their hands have been in a terrible accident (see: green eyeshadow). This reporter even knows of one rockstar who may or may not be this reporter’s brother wearing black fingernail polish. Not advisable… I recommend a bright-ish shade of coral, almost a violent coral. A shade that assaults the senses of passers-by.

anonymous said...
Yes, when will Americans wake up and smell the fascism of W?
32 degrees Farenheit. Perdition.

bethc said...
here's amillion dollar question:
which is more profitable? faith or hardwork and good stewardship when it comes to supernatural provision?
If this reporter had a million dollars, she would tell you.

There were a lot more questions... maybe I shall answer some this week. But now, I must be the submissive wifey and go do the MOG's errands...

and CHECK THIS OUT! Noooooooooooo

Friday, July 27, 2007

Ms. Smartypants is a weekly advice/information column appearing on Mondays. You may submit your questions now (Friday) through Sunday night (sunday night). We reserve the right to skip questions and/or make up answers that amuse "us".
So. please submit your questions. The more questions, the more amusing the potential answers.

Nothing to report... snuck out of bed today, all was quiet. As soon as I sat down in here at the computer, all the chillrun woke up. Story of my life. We were supposed to go to a swimming get-together at Leah's shmancy new house today, but alas, the rain. Still, there is potential for a hen party.

Thinking, percolating, eTc. Wouldn't you like to know....

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Now, you're probably asking yourself: "What happened? Did she go to the library? What shenanigans did Toby pull? Where is she
?? It's past noon and I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. Did she go to Walmart?" (broken muffled sobs)
Gotta make you want it, folks. Supply and demand.
I went to the library. I decided to start on the Z end of fiction, since I have thoroughly canvassed A-C pre-meltdown previously. Made it to K. Not bad, not bad at all. Of course, my policy is bail almost immediately after a Level 1 whine commences, to provide time and space for the Level 3 in the van. So I got about 10 books, and I have read 1 1/2 because I LOVE to read and I sneak in a chapter here and there whilst browning hamburger meat and such.
The JOY of a stack of unread books. Anyways.

So then we were off to the kitchen, otherwise known as McDonalds. Did you know they don't have Texas Homestyle burgers out of state? I mean, it makes sense but you POOR other staters!
And then we had to go to the Toyota dealership, because a Maintenance Required light came on in the van. If that light came on in the Corolla, we'd just be so happy that the light worked. But in the new hoity-toity van, no can do. So I took myself, my FULL warranty, my 3 childrens, my homestyle burger, fries and coke, and 6 nuggets and massive twin stroller in and waited for 19.7 hours (exaggeration) and got my oil changed and my tires rotated. Those snakes in the grass at Toyota... shooting off warning lights for routine maintenance. And the warranty doesn't cover routine maintenance. SO there you go. Toby was the delight of the waiting area... and then he was getting kind of annoying. And then he was REALLY ready to go. And then, 12 hours later we went.
After this, did I attempt Walmart? Aw HECK no.

Today, after naptime. It shall be done.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

My mission, should I choose to accept it: Go NOW, in the narrow window of time between breakfast and nap. Procure library books. Then, pick up a prescription and some essentials (i.e. ice cream) at Walmart. Return home before the meltdown.
But first, change shirts because peanut butter is not an accessory.

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Getting a pretty late start today... got home from a meeting with the Radiants last night post-midnight. So my boys slept till 10. And I did NOT stop them. Me and Bean had a peaceful little morning of reading and smiling at each other.

So the clamor about Richy's back, it hurts my ears. Enough already. Here's the story. (Secondhand, as I am not Richy and also I did not attend church.) Richy was at church alone, as we overslept and it was too much work to get the babies ready and so on. He was worshipping and turned this way or that way, and something in his back slipped, and he fell down on the floor because a)his back gave out and b)there is a distinct possibility he is a drama queen, So then he is laying (or lying) on the floor on his back and no one will look at him because they think he's worshipping. The fact is, at our church people do strange things when they worship, sometimes. So laying on your back is not unusual. And he's trying to make eye contact but no one sees. So he gives up and just goes ahead and worships. Then, at offering time, everyone is carefully stepping around him but not looking at him. Until he finally gets his mom with the Viking Death Stare, and she comes and helps him. And people give him drugs and carry him out. And then he comes home and lays or lies on the couch in true pain (see, I'm not heartless), and sleeps and such. So there you go.
Here's the deal. I know it hurt. Insanely. I'm just saying that if it happened to a woman, it would have gone down differently. Just saying, that's all.

Monday, July 23, 2007

jess said...
Ms. Smartypants-
Why, at 4:30 on Friday, are there NO questions for your enlightening column?

Well, “Jess”, and may I say, what a lovely name and articulate question!! Ruling out a nuclear explosion in the metropolis of Conroe, Texas- this reporter would assume her readers were “testing the water”.

josharoo said...
Dear Ms. Smartypants, 
How big of pants does it take to be so smarty? Would shorts do?

My dear reader- this is one of those questions a gentleman never asks a lady. Yankee traditions have no hold here in the beautiful nation of Texas.

clammy said...
Dear Ms. Smartypants,
In reference to this week's introduction, "We reserve the right to skip questions because our brain gets tired. But go ahead and ask! "
Who exactly is "we"?

“We” could be a reference to royalty, i.e. Queen Victoria’s statement “We are not amused.” Or, we are schizophrenic. But most of us do not believe this to be the case.

anonymous said...
Dear Ms Smartypants:
Why do I always need a nap on Saturdays & Sundays?

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,/ Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,/ As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.”
Edgar Allan Poe
(If you don’t know the story, this fellow is about to have BAD LUCK. Better to skip the nap)

anonymous said...
Ms Smartypants,
Why are some people so messy?! Why can't they be thoughtful enough to clean after themselves; put their dishes in the dishwasher or at least rinse them out in the sink?!
Why must they always leave food out on the countertop to tempt roaches & ants?!
What's up with them anyway? Is it laziness? Thoughtlessness? Stupidity? What! What! What???

First of all, my overexerted reader, calm down. Are your guests perhaps of the rodent variety? Like maybe a human sized rat? One cannot expect good manners from rats. They are notorious for slovenly habits. If your offenders are human, might I suggest, in the vernacular, a “whupping”. Does wonders.

clammy said...
Ms. Smartypants,
Why did Francis Schaeffer wear a skirt?

One morning, upon awakening in Plano, Texas, Francis SueEllen Schaeffer decided to forgo her fashionable lime green polyester slacks and white Dr. Scholls and instead opted for a tasteful blue polyester knee-length pleated skirt and brown Dr. Scholls, accompanied by a blue-tinted pair of size Q pantyhose. There were many reasons behind this choice, thought Tweety the obese Persian knock-off cat as he kneaded his claws into the needlepoint pillow of Princess Diana.
However, as cats are unable to speak, we may never know (this side of heaven) what drove Francis to this point.

viking granny :0) said...
Dear Ms.Spartymants
Why is it, every time I Need to balance checkbook, and go through my bills and paperwork, that I realize my closet needs cleaning out, or the floor needs to be swept, or the dog needs a good brushing?

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~Mark Twain

anonymous said...
Ms. Smartypants,
Why do you think you're smart enough to answer all these questions? 
I.B. Smarterer

“I.B.”- Have I given any indication, besides my pithy and wildly-successful weekly column, that I am smarter than the average run of the mill layperson? I ask you. As a representative of the weak-minded and malleable masses, you can tell me.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Ms. Smartypants will be accepting questions from now until an arbitrary point on Sunday. We reserve the right to skip questions because our brain gets tired. But go ahead and ask!

Last night I went and watched Leah dance at the Freedom Fellowship conference. Unbelievable. I have never seen anyone else do what she does. I mean, there are awesome dancers, anointed dancers. But she is like a human flame. And last night was some kind of graduation, or a beginning... I don't know. It was significant.
Tonight, my man Kevin Prosch will be leading worship. I missed him at the Call... we were backstage while Richy was getting ready to be interviewed... ( he got bumped, so that's why he ain't famous yet), but I digress. We could hear Kev in the background, and I hate that we missed it. So tonight, I'm there. And YES the baby has earplugs if she needs them.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Last night we went and got haircuts for the richys... I was planning on getting Toby's cut, too... but I chickened out. If he gets a haircut, he won't be a baby anymore. Maybe you can hear the mommy-screams from here. More on that in a minute. Anyway, R1 and R2 look great. I tried to get a faux-hawk for R2 but the dadgum cowlicks!! Maybe if I put enough product in it.

Back to the baby-ness of Toby. I'm starting to freak out a little. People used to always say "They grow so fast" and I would look at my 20 pound 5 year old and think..." No, they don't." Well. I get it now. Stop the crazy train. My heart is in a continual squeeze as Toby does these beautiful things and it's all so fleeting.
I wrote this a year ago- now it's even more true

Is this motherhood, this fleeting sense of ownership...
this reaching out to grasp, just as it becomes a memory
this holding and releasing
This blinking, and finding
change happening before your eyes

And even when I try to hold too tightly,
they evade my grasp
shadow boys

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Back from toddler time at the library. R2 and I were pretty stoked about this one, as it was listed as a Puppet Show. I can't be too critical. There was a puppet there.
But it was primarily a seasoned citizen in a shiny cape telling stories. Which, you know, if it had been forewarned... would have been ok. Toby, at the Senior Story hour during naptime, not so much. I think R2 enjoyed himself. We grabbed some McDonalds on the way home and then I had to do the not-letting-toby-fall-asleep-while-driving-Olympics.
Here's a couple keys:
1. Loud Music: something rhythmic... I thought Kirk would do the trick, but Switchfoot worked better
2. Ocassional LOUD singing as his eyes are closing
3. Maximum air-conditioning
4. The meanest one: emergency only. If he is falling asleep despite all this, eat a french fry and don't offer him one. This was the kicker on the home stretch. He was wide awake and furious when we got home. LOL, for real.
Sounds like Guantanamo, I know. But a three hour nap at home versus a 15 minute nap in the van and a mean little toddler - you do what you gotta do.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Has everyone heard Pam Crouse's news? I'll give you a hint. It was a BIG surprise.

In other news, took my kids to my voodoo doctor. otherwise known as a chiropractor. They are actually healthier than I expected. So we got a few supplements and adjustments (even Brynn) and it was great.
Yesterday I was running around like the proverbial chicken, so my house is upside down. Not literally, you know. But upside down in a figurative or metaphorical sense. So that's the plan for today. Right the house.

In the meantime, I need to learn how to develop a prayer life when I obviously don't value prayer. I mean, if I did, it would fit. I find time for a bowl of Blue Bell ice cream every night.,, ( hate me if you will, but I deserve a good metabolism after my hard life). I find time for at least 3 meals and plenty of snacking on the internet. I even ocassionally find time to read a book. So, my priorities are showing. The question is, how do I get the want-God in me out of the basement and into my daily life? And the answer is probably Just Do It... I would rather have my heart stolen and be lovesick and need to talk to Him. It would just be easier. Anyway.

Here's a gratuitous picture of Brynn to round out what seems to be a little bit of a weak post.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Ms. Smartypants will be appearing during naptime. Until then, go about your day as usual.

anonymous said...
Why would a mother of three, be upstairs with 2 sleeping children and one "resting" 8 year old, suddenly jump up and run down the stairs with R2 and sit in the living room for 15 minutes, right in the middle of NAPTIME?

My dear anonymous… a variety of reasons are possible. If the MO3 is especially polite, she will entertain unsolicited visitors, even to her own hurt. Another possibility Is the presence of a wasp. This reporter would move to a different country rather than face a wasp in her home.

sonia and jong said...
Why would a 15 mo actual age/11 mo adjusted age baby boy start getting bad breath already?

A Mom in Tokyo who is concerned that her son is starting to smell like his dad too soon

Mom in Tokyo: it is my understanding, based on overhearing conversations at Wal-Mart, that babies in Japan are fed diets of exclusively sushi. May I suggest an after-dinner mint?

anonymous said...
Dear Ms Smartypants,
What is the most efficient way to prepare for hurricane season?

Anon #2

In my estimation, the best way to prepare for a hurricane is my oft-used “Put your head between your knees and kiss your “butt” goodbye.” But a more popular option is to stand in line for a few hours at the Dollar General, buying batteries and a King-Size Snickers bar, and then back to your house to watch the big one on TV.

anonymous said...
Why were A, E, I, O, and U picked for vowels?

It was a rigorous process, involving Latin and various saints in caves. In the end, those were consistently chosen as vowels. The wars rage on over the fate of Y.

Why isn’t the consumption of backed beans outlawed for men once they are married?

Baked beans, (or “backed”, if you prefer) although enjoyed by womankind, are one of the more male-exclusive food groups, along with the bacon food group and the steak food group. Men would be no use if they were tamed, ladies. Let the beans go.
What is the best instrument for picking ones nose?

This reporter certainly does not know.

What does the Bible code say about these three very important concerns?
The Bible code, in the Amplified Version, on pages 998-1001, held upside down and read squinting by candlelight, says that these questions are a little weak and God is busy cutting Johnny Cash down.

anonymous said...

This is another question MS will decline to answer.

anonymous said...
Dear Ms. Smartypants,
When is the best time of year for harvesting honey? I love to eat fresh honey, but I very much dislike the sensation of the honey bee's sting.
Longing for sweetness

The best time for harvesting honey is between 4 and 5 pm on Thursdays, at Walmart. There are few people or bees there, and if you happen to have a grocery-tosser in your cart, no one notices.

anonymous said...
Man, Ms Smartypants has some crude questions to deal with this time. I wonder how she will handle them?
Anon #2

Now you know.

viking granny!!! said...
Dear Ms SmartyPants.
What is the difference between "backed" beans 
and "front" beans?

Without a comprehensive understanding of physics, the differences are almost imperceptible.

bethc said...
why is it "smartypants" and not skirt?

In an effort to be more inclusive, and to not have to shave her legs as often, this reporter chooses the casual “pants”

anonymous said...
Dear Ms Smartypants,
What do you think about the Pope's position on the Catholic Church being the only one true church? I am very disturbed by this. I'm wondering if the Catholic Church is the one true 'false' church.
Anon #2

This question, along with the oft-asked suspender/Pope combination, is better left to the experts. It is my understanding that the one true church is in Willis, Texas (from a flyer left on a windshield at Kroger).

georgia said...
Describe the difference between how a Woodlands mother and a Cut n Shoot mother would handle the following circumstance
Amanda is at the mother's friend's house and she is eating sheetrock in front of all of the mother's friends. She is three and thinks it is pretty funny.

Assuming that this circumstance does actually occur,
“Amanda, dear. We don’t eat sheetrock, precious.”
“Amanda, Mommy doesn’t want to have to put you into the alternate behavior zone. Please choose a different activity.”
(chew, chuckle, spit)
“Amanda, dear, if you don’t OH FOR THE LOVE OF… give me that! I .SAID. STOP. EATING THAT.”
(wail, kick, sniffle)
“Good choice, Amanda. Now, step off the coffee table, dear.”

Cut-n-Shoot (for my far-off bloggerati, this is in fact, one of our local city names)
“Hey, Bev. Is that your kid eatin sheetrock?”
“Heh. Sure is. She means well, but that kid’s dumb as a stick.”
“So I went to Walmart, and I got these sandals for $6.50!”
“Man. I gotta go one of these days. Maybe I can go to town tomorrow.”
(crunch, gag, spit. Drop sheetrock, go swing)

viking granny :0) said...
Dear Ms Smartaskirt,

Why do children wake up as soon as you sneak out of bed, no matter how quiet you are and no matter how many pillows you put in your place?

This is God’s way of ensuring that mothers are humble, broken people. Also hungry people. Also, grungy people.

anonymous said...
When potty training BOYS....
is it better to..........
a) teach them to sit down and point it downward
b) teach them to stand up and aim
c) put a cheerio in the water for target practice
d) all of the above in stages
e) just forget it and buy stock in Luvs

I have long entertained the concept of “Granny Boot Camp”. In which the youngsters would be shipped off to Grandmas for a solid week for toilet training, and return in Superman underpants, victorious. Until this becomes a reality, I will not know the answers to the questions.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Marnin, all.
Well, today I woke up at 8 and hopped right up - assuming that Toby would be minutes behind. But now it's 9:20 and I could still be snoozing.... sheesh.

Nothing much to say today.

BUT prepare for the return of Ms. SmartyPants!!
Here's the rules: Questions can be submitted from now until an arbitrary point Sunday night. The "answers" will be posted on Monday's blog. Go ahead- amuse me. I DARE you.

In an unrelated note, I am removing the Call video from this page. You can find it on youtube.com by searching "Radiant Worship" or on Radiant's myspace page.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Last night, our "lawn boy"... we'll just call him "Daniel Mathews" was mowing the lawn, and he accidentally cut the phone line. So I have been sans internet until now.
Not really his fault, as the grass was 6+ inches tall. We've been a little busy. Anyhoo.

The next Radiant recording is tentatively planned for August 5th. I will confirm that in due time.

God is speaking.... seriously. Lou used to say "When you're running with the dream team, you get in the dream stream, and you can do the Martin Luther King thing.." something like that.
Well, we just spent a weekend with the Dream Team and the prophetic-ness around here is hilarious. So God is speaking. We just have to figure out exactly what He's saying.

and with that enigma, good day.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

One of the elements in my new semi-productive life is doing things with my kids. For example.... Storytime at the library. Every Wednesday morning. Usually, they have NO idea what is going on. And all the little genius 3 year olds are singing and dancing and repeating things and Toby and Richy are just sitting there kind of stunned. Today was Elmo... I gotta admit, I had it a little hyped up in my head. But it was a guy in a kinda ratty elmo suit who wasn't really pulling off the falsetto. Richy liked it. Toby was demonstrating his sin nature. So now we're home and I have a headache. I wonder if the effort to take them to this stuff is even worth it. I just figure kids who are so obedient at Walmart and restaurants deserve some kid-focused time .... maybe that's hooey.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

It's funny in a non-funny way to realize what a "victim" I have become. So many excuses for why I can't be or do what I have to. And yeah, I can't. But if I choose not to develop a love and a dependence on God, does that make my toothlessness justified?

Over the last 40 days, I have been learning about myself. Introspection, in.
I have been through heck, yes. And the things I went through could crush someone's faith. And mine has been pretty crushed. What's amazing is that God is so consistent. He is the same.
I don't know what the heck is going on. But now, I am different. I look at my myspace or here or the news and the pull is gone. I love my blog, and I'll keep writing daily. But I don't NEED it like I did. And I have to seize the day while there's grace here to change.
Introspection, out.

For anyone who hasn't seen me or my fam in the last couple of months, here are a few pictures. In the ones from the Call, you may be able to see Toby with Eva in the crowd.
And a video... does R2 see angels?

Deleted video temporarily.. ( the other videos were referenced from the first video, not ours ) We'll fix.

R2: Cake!
We're going to church, we're going to church!
We're going to church.
Me: What's up there?
R2: Up there! The sky. SKY!
It's dancing, people dancing.
I love that. I love that picture.
(random brynn-ness)

Monday, July 9, 2007

Welcome back! To me, that is... and anybody else who hasn't been here in a while
The fast... was not particularly spiritual. I did not seek God much... honestly. But as I am looking back, I see that actually even my weak effort to draw Him was fruitful....

Some recaps from the last 40 days
R2's Birthday party... my big boy is 8 and his party was a Yablonski free-for-all as usual...
The same day was the 3rd anniversary of losing the twins. Every year I dread those three days, and this year was especially hard. But we released them to the Lord again, and I am feeling a transition in my heart and my grief- into a new stage in life. We prayed from Hosea 6
1")Come, let us return to the LORD
For He has torn us, but He will heal us;
He has wounded us, but He will bandage us.
2"He will revive us after two days;
He will raise us up on the third day,
That we may live before Him.
3"So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth."

I'm trying to write a quick but comprehensive update here but Toby is making that quite difficult...might have to catch up here during naptime.

So tell me- how was your 40 days? How was the Call for those that went?
Back around noon with more info and some pics.
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