Monday, July 23, 2007



jess said...
Ms. Smartypants-
Why, at 4:30 on Friday, are there NO questions for your enlightening column?

Well, “Jess”, and may I say, what a lovely name and articulate question!! Ruling out a nuclear explosion in the metropolis of Conroe, Texas- this reporter would assume her readers were “testing the water”.

josharoo said...
Dear Ms. Smartypants, 
How big of pants does it take to be so smarty? Would shorts do?

My dear reader- this is one of those questions a gentleman never asks a lady. Yankee traditions have no hold here in the beautiful nation of Texas.

clammy said...
Dear Ms. Smartypants,
In reference to this week's introduction, "We reserve the right to skip questions because our brain gets tired. But go ahead and ask! "
Who exactly is "we"?

“We” could be a reference to royalty, i.e. Queen Victoria’s statement “We are not amused.” Or, we are schizophrenic. But most of us do not believe this to be the case.

anonymous said...
Dear Ms Smartypants:
Why do I always need a nap on Saturdays & Sundays?

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,/ Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,/ As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.”
Edgar Allan Poe
(If you don’t know the story, this fellow is about to have BAD LUCK. Better to skip the nap)

anonymous said...
Ms Smartypants,
Why are some people so messy?! Why can't they be thoughtful enough to clean after themselves; put their dishes in the dishwasher or at least rinse them out in the sink?!
Why must they always leave food out on the countertop to tempt roaches & ants?!
What's up with them anyway? Is it laziness? Thoughtlessness? Stupidity? What! What! What???

First of all, my overexerted reader, calm down. Are your guests perhaps of the rodent variety? Like maybe a human sized rat? One cannot expect good manners from rats. They are notorious for slovenly habits. If your offenders are human, might I suggest, in the vernacular, a “whupping”. Does wonders.

clammy said...
Ms. Smartypants,
Why did Francis Schaeffer wear a skirt?

One morning, upon awakening in Plano, Texas, Francis SueEllen Schaeffer decided to forgo her fashionable lime green polyester slacks and white Dr. Scholls and instead opted for a tasteful blue polyester knee-length pleated skirt and brown Dr. Scholls, accompanied by a blue-tinted pair of size Q pantyhose. There were many reasons behind this choice, thought Tweety the obese Persian knock-off cat as he kneaded his claws into the needlepoint pillow of Princess Diana.
However, as cats are unable to speak, we may never know (this side of heaven) what drove Francis to this point.

viking granny :0) said...
Dear Ms.Spartymants
Why is it, every time I Need to balance checkbook, and go through my bills and paperwork, that I realize my closet needs cleaning out, or the floor needs to be swept, or the dog needs a good brushing?

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~Mark Twain

anonymous said...
Ms. Smartypants,
Why do you think you're smart enough to answer all these questions? 
I.B. Smarterer

“I.B.”- Have I given any indication, besides my pithy and wildly-successful weekly column, that I am smarter than the average run of the mill layperson? I ask you. As a representative of the weak-minded and malleable masses, you can tell me.


  1. I love Ms Smartypants.......and her entire fam......

    Did Mr. Smartypants go to workola this morning?

  2. what happens if i'm unsatisified with my answer from Ms. Smartybritches? To whom do i lodge a complaint?

  3. Sorry, questions have to be submitted friday through sunday!

    In other news, I think I'll have ham for lunch.

  4. Good answers, Smartydrawers

    Keith got his first real injury Saturday. He met the pavement on bad terms. He scraped his forehead and nose pretty bad. Could've been much worse, he didn't lose much skin, and it didn't really bleed, just very bad scraping.

  5. Lets play a little game we’ll call Straight Answers. Here’s how it works- -you ask a straight question and pick who you want to answer it. That person gives you a straight answer. Here goes:

    Jessica- What happened to R1's back?

    MamaPC- Is Hannah really engaged? If so, to who?

    Anyone else want to play?

  6. I'll play your sick little game, but I'll answer BOTH questions.
    R1's back went out yesterday... same ol' thing. he's doing this or that and a disc or something does THAT and then there he is on the floor.
    Today, he is at work and as far as I know he is fine. He has a cell phone, ibuprofen, coworkers, hands, and feet. So I have pretty much left his fate up to him.

    And no, Hannah is not engaged or even boyfriended, although their are suitors galore waiting in the wings.

  7. Straight answers just feel good! = )
    I figured it was probably the same doing the daily things back syndrome. Good he’s better.

    What do a bunch of guys want to put suits on Hannah for?

  8. no, hannah is not engaged...

    straight-forward answer...

    no other comments...

  9. maybe r1 should look into weight resistance training & learn proper exercise for building muscles & tendons in the area where his back (disc) is bothering him
    if he strenghtens that area up around the disc it might keep it in place
    a good trainer should be able to show him a couple of simple exercises that would take him maybe 15 minutes a day or less
    perhaps someone at simplify has this type of knowledge
    or if he knows someone who works for a physical therapist or knows a physical therapist
    it might be a simple solution

    you know, simplify!


  10. The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

    Paul Fix (1901-1983)

  11. the arts is an interesting territory for the church to not neglect

  12. paint, draw, write, music, dance....creative expression

  13. balancing the budget and other items to put off indefinitely:
    time managment matrix
    four quadrants:
    Quadrant I -
    Important and Urgent - crises, deadline-driven projects, and pressing problems
    Quadrant II -
    Important and Not Urgent - preparation, planning, and relationship building
    Quadrant III -
    Not Important and Urgent - interruptions, most phone calls and mail and reports
    Quadrant IV -
    Not Important and Not Urgent - trivia, busywork, time wasters, and escape activities

    book by Stephen Covey
    personal development book
    "First Things First: To Live, to Love, to Learn, to Leave a Legacy"

  14. i read a daily email called
    some of it relevant


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