So this is day two of the new schedule. And I am feeling so much better about life in general since I didn't have to get up at 7.
This is one of those rare moments where both babies are sleeping, or at least quiet in their rooms. Aaaaah..... nice. Just me and Rush and Buzz Lightyear.
You know what's hard? Motivation. I need a life coach. Well. I kinda have one. But he's more of an unsolicited advice coach.
WHY is it so hard to do what I need to do? I'm bustin' a Romans 7 here... feeling the Apostle Paul's pain.
I know who I want to be. I know the end result. But I really don't feel like doing the work. Except for a sort of passive inclination in my subconscious somewhere that I want to do more than just exist.
Oh, and another element of that is that I want my children to be something. To be passionate and have a cause. So they get a little of that from the MOG. But they spend most of their time with me, wandering idly from chore to meal to sitting on my blessed assurance. Not exactly an example of a reformer.
This is an interesting place in life. I am a mother of young children, which is really all-encompassing. How do you do more than that? But I know it's possible. My current coach tells me about Susanna Wesley with her ... what was it like 16 children or something.. and she would sit on the floor and pull her apron up over her head and meet with Jesus. And all her kids understood that signal. So of course it's possible. Just not easy. I like easy.
And there's another part of me that knows if I keep waiting for the next phase of my life to wake up, life will pass me by and I will have so many regrets. Because it just keeps moving, you know? There's no pause button.
So there you have it... another introspective day in the life. This has got to be the most boring blog EVER.
Well, no.
This is the most boring blog ever. Awesome.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
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I'm SO right there with ya, babe. I know things MUST change, but I'm too tired from chasing kids. The whole world seems to revolve around them and dishes and meals and laundry and naptime. There are some days I think "how am I ever gonna make it through the tribulation? I can't even focus now??!"
ReplyDeleteI don't own an apron. Maybe I should get one.
Gotta go...the dog is chewing up Buzz Lightyear....=)
: )
ReplyDeletemy life too
God must have somethin' in the works..
mainly shaping OURSELVES and our sweet children
We have purpose!! We have opportunity to rejoice over the vast creativity of the foods God created..
how He created steel, wood, & clay to make dishes with! cotton & wool to make clothes with!!
that we have running water! & an awesome sink to get it done in!
cozy beds to lay all our head on..
Purpose is simple sometimes.
: )
i know WHY Suzanna Wesley put the apron over her head....
ReplyDeleteshe WAS praying....
and finding God in the midst of the huge mounds of responsibility (not to mention laundry) mounting and towering high and vying for attention.
she was not a lazy person...neither did she do all the work i've heard
she organized and planned and had others help with all the work
spirituality can be combined with the simple tasks of washing dishes and loading the washer and dryer
we have a spirit - we want that spirit to be led by THE HOLY SPIRIT... and He will do this as we tune in....
it's not about ritual
it's not about religion
it's not about rhythm and rhyme
it's not about rigorous schedules
it's not about productivity
it's not about spending our time
it's not about bowing
it's not about posture
it's not about physical stance
it's not about other's expectations
it's not about intensity
it's not about passion and dance
our walk with our Father, our Brother, our Friend, during the time of Motherhood...
is to find snatches of time to gaze into His eyes as we wipe a baby's behind.
to stare into His spiritual realm while washing and ironing the clothes
realizing how thankful we are that the days of washtub and line are far behind
to cry in His presence, dripping tears into suds, marveling at his beauty displayed outside, while we're on the other side of the window...
to labor, not in vain, to produce a life that glorifies and reflects the Presence we adore and we crave...a life that exudes grace and beauty (amidst chaos and clammer) and where PEACE reigns and rules
yes, Suzanna had an apron - and yes she spent time in prayer - and she had sons who flourished and daughters who served and we'll never know what she prayed under the her homely talit
mothers - rejoice in your homes, cry under your prayer shawl, smile at your babies and hug your husbands with all your might. cry out to God midst the diapers and goo, and hang onto His goodness and mercy through the melee. depend on His strength to show you how to love the ones He's placed in your keep.
this is some of the spirituality of the Homemaker... to invite the God and Father of all to participate in the childrearing...to love through your hands...to be His touch to those little ones... to represent His heart of mercy and truth...where judgment and mercy meet and truth triumphs.
do not worry that there is not a perfect schedule
be on God's time and on His mission
don't feel forced to get under the apron to spend hours to pray....
get under the apron, curtain, tablecloth, bedspread - where you can hide...to find God in the midst of the fray
He smiles with you there, in your secret canopy and wipes away each tear
And if you listen, ever so close, He whispers His love in your ear
PURPOSE
ReplyDelete"Your purpose explains what you are doing with your life.
Your vision explains how you are living your purpose.
Your goals enable you to realize your vision."
Where have my anons been lately
ReplyDelete?
ReplyDeleteanon here
ReplyDeletei might have an apron you can borrow
perhaps you should sew one
and sew some for the little ones, too
but im not in kc to lend you my apron
ReplyDeletei suppose you should take on another project
sew sew sew
Oh how familiar that sounds. I keep wondering where my life went. I have no passion, no drive. Sometimes I feel lucky just have to survived my children and my life for one more day. I am so like you, I wake up knowing there is more to life than this, yet I have no energy, no unction to do anything about it. I had a dream about a week ago, and in the dream I was to look up John 11:11. And when I did it was about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. I literally feel like that is where I am at right now. Somebody needs to come and raise me from the dead! I keep thinking one day I am going to wake up and it will just all come back, my passion, and resolve to hang on the God no matter what. I am not even sure where it went. It was like one day I had it and the next day it was gone. Weird.
ReplyDeleteI was at my cell group last night, listen to everyone say the same things. That they all feel like this. And I felt the Lord tell me this. At least I think it was Him!
ReplyDeleteThat he was taking us through this time to seperate our spirit from our emotions.
Most of us have always had an emotional response to God. We want to feel things. But our emotions are a response of the soul. And our soul can be deceptive. The Bible says that our flesh has emnity against God.
I do believe He is trying to teach us to move past our feelings and emotions and stricty live by the moving of the Spirit. Which only comes by simple obedience. If he speaks it we do it. We can't wait till it feels good. Or we have Holy Ghost goose bumps!
Sorry if I am preaching but it is mostly aimed at myself. Sooner or later (hopefully sooner) I am going to pick myself up off my rear and get back in the game.
Who is the rat guy?-G
ReplyDelete