Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Spare the rod.....

38 comments:
 
Been giving a lot of thought to the subject of spanking... LOTS of thought. Just kidding. But Toby is skyrocketing toward the age of accountability....
Lilypie 2nd Birthday PicLilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker
Joking about the age o' a... I don't buy that. But I have been trying to figure out some kind of discipline, that is merciful but still gets the job done.
My mom said, "I understand your policy. ......... But, it's stupid!"
HA... I have to remember that quote forever.
Here's the thing. I don't like spanking. I never have. I've done it, sure. But I've never been quite comfortable with it. And the more I read, the more it seems like the few Scriptures that reference the "rod" are not referring to a whipping rod... it is the Shepherd's rod, the staff... pulling them back in line, gently.

I mean, it always seemed wacky to me. Why would I want to hit my child? Well, not that part. I know why I might want to. But why would I? Especially when I am telling him, "Don't hit!" WHAP,
No judgment here... I'm just thinking about it.

38 comments:

  1. i did not prefer spanking (and never in anger, for sure) but it seemed to be expected to redirect bad behavior.

    I am shocked by some that still use it after age 9 or 10 because it seems they are able to understand reason by then.

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  2. the average human scalp has about 150,000 hairs.

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  3. i think it all depends on how it's done. i'm not a parent, but i had really good parents. and they spanked me - but it wasn't a haphazard kind of thing. i didn't get spanked every time i screwed up. i got spanked when other correction didn't take effect or the when the offense was so great that other punishment would simply not do.

    and also, as bethc said, the last time i was spanked, i was nine or ten maybe... and i remember it too.... and i definitely deserved it....i'll have to add that story to my blog--good reading. =)

    anyway....i also know that i was a really easy kid. my husband didn't really benefit from spanking. he didn't care if he was spanked because he still got to do what he got to do. so he needed a different rod.

    for me, the disapproval of my parents was usually enough to bring me into line. knowing that i had disappointed broke my heart.

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  4. whip 'em
    whip 'em good

    er uh i got that wrong

    whip it
    whip it good

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  5. devo to the rescue

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  6. My parents spanked us... at least once.

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  7. i have to respond to the anonymous comment from downstairs about young men with thinning hair and all of them needing to shave their heads......................

    no.....just stop and think that through for a moment, would you? thing of all the men you know or have ever seen between the age of 25 and 35 and how they would look with no hair at all

    no.

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  8. young men with bald heads - good

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  9. let's shave tob's little head
    he'd be sooo very cute

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  10. that's horrible!

    jess, please don't shave toby's beautiful head! please!

    don't listen to the anonymous crazy person!

    resist!

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  11. no worries... toby is getting a jon foreman haircut

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  12. ok lets meet halfway
    give tob a mohawk
    very stylish
    you can put green gel on the mohawk
    even more stylish
    how cool
    tobs would be da bomb!

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  13. Spanking... heavy subject. I was spanked, but mostly in anger, so it didn't have the full outcome on me-- I was still rebelious until I surrendered to Jesus. Shannon was spanked lovingly and it had good outcomes.

    Now... us. We have been talking more about the subject. So far Keith has been very well behaved, but we know the day will come when we'll be faced with actions that need a greater correction. I do believe in it, on a limited basis, and in a loving way.

    Jess- Have you read "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp?

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  14. Happy-
    RE: Comment about no such thing as red licorice because you don’t have red licorice plants.

    Well, I’ve never heard of red wheat….or green wheat, orange wheat, yellow wheat, or blue wheat, but alas we have Fruit Loops.

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  15. To spank or not to spank, that is a big question. I have always struggles with that. Madison has had a few in her life but it was usually her dad and now he has decided he is against spanking. I really never needed too. She is one of those kids you give her a look or raise your voice and she breaks out in tears. If you take Denise parenting class it is a real eye opener. She does not say you shouldn't spank she just basically says it is the most severe form of discipline and should be used only when everything else hasn't worked. And you can never spank when you are angry!

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  16. I haven't read it, but I've heard of it, and also Parenting with Love and Logic... haven't read any of them yet.
    I read grace-based parenting but it was more for parents of older kids.

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  17. I've been told by someone who studied the doings of shepherds that when a young sheep wanders of (as in the account in the Bible - leaving the 99 and going after the one that wandered off), the shepherd breaks the lamb's legs and carries the lamb on his shoulders until they've healed. After that, the lamb knows better than to wander off (do what's wrong). It sounds harsh, but it was an act of love on the part of the shepherd to keep the lamb from doing something that could cause him to lose his life (like getting eaten by wolves).

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  18. today, in addition to his regular food, toby has had a little bite of playdoh and a marker tip.

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  19. That should make for an interesting diaper change later!

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  20. We bought Keith his first Crayons about three weeks ago. He has sampled them several times since.

    You should read Shepherding a Child’s Heart. It’s about SO MUCH more than discipline, but is good on that subject too. It’s so good for helping your children understand sin and their need for grace and salvation (shepherding them).

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  21. If your will power doesn't work, try your "won't" power.

    Author unknown

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  22. Yep, but there's only 3 more radrevs....

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  23. ah, ok ty
    September will be a new venture...

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  24. I heard is was still going to be rad rev - just under a different leader and on a different day of the week, but i guess i got an inaccurate message.

    no more rad rev? really?

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  25. No... I mean, it will reach out to the college-agers. But it is a different meeting. Charles is in charge, and I'm sure it will be awesome.

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  26. Charles in Charge????

    Wasn't that a tv sitcom in the 80's?

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  27. raisin' kids is a very interesting and very challenging venture...

    each child is different and each sibling is born into a family with different parents...

    even Tobias has different parents than R2 - and Brynn has different parents than Toby...

    do you know what I mean?

    it's something you need wisdom from above about....

    read all you can, and form a strategy and be willing to change as you go...

    i am definitely not the expert...

    thanking God for His grace that covers a multitude of sins

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  28. and both parents need to be in agreement

    now, let me tell you....

    lindsey got the most spankings of all my kids.... even in anger, but we endeavored to discipline in love... talking about the offense, etc, and restoring afterwards... but it was a hard thing...

    hannah got almost the same number, and it was when I found myself in an abusive stance toward her (she was approx 5 years old) holding the rod as if I was going to whack her across the face...that God got my attention and I finally realized how wounded I had been in my childhood from being disciplined in anger... and I seriously worked toward forgiving my father...and forgiving myself... and got healed inside...and I found myself not so angry or abusive any longer...

    yes, anger still cropped up at times, but not at the level it had before...and I was able to control my actions...

    if you have anger issues and wish to take out your anger on the kids...then you need to find God!!! that is not healthy for them...

    i was spanked many many times... and my parents actually were trying to do the best with me... that's all they knew to do... and they were young parents and I was their first... so, they were harder on me... but, I knew they loved me... that helps... They spanked all 3 of us girls a lot! I don't understand all the psychological issues I dealt with... and got healed from, but I know I was healed from a spirit of anger that was coming out of me toward my lovely children! I think anger I had pent up in me toward John would come out toward the kids because I could not "control" him, but they were littler so it was easier to lash out at them...

    anyway, enough about "me"

    then, by the time j was old enough to disobey, I wasn't the "angry" mom any more... plus, he was so much more emotionally fragile as a young child...that even talking about a spanking sent him running... we did not spank him as much... and now we are seeing that he really was needing more of the rod of correction...

    so, it almost seems like disciplining with the rod (paint stick) seemed to produce more peaceable fruits of righteousness in my girls...even when I strayed and did it sometimes in anger...than the season when I was not as disciplined myself and let the rod lay on the shelf with my son...

    looking back, I wonder what I could have done different...

    but, I am encouraged that no matter what I've done right or wrong... that God is my children's true Father and parent of us all... and that, even if raised by imperfect parents in this world, He can make all things new and He can bring miracles forth out of our attempts to lovingly discipline...

    Jess....

    PRAY!

    for wisdom
    for patience
    for insight
    for witty ideas
    for nap times to always coincide...

    love you!

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  29. I spank everyone once...........

    then all I have to do is give them the "bedste" look ....and they stop.

    Once I had Mercy and Madi and Wesley and Emily in the car on a long ride from Lake Jackson to Cut n Shoot.....(or visa versa)...and they were all about 3 and 4 and fighting fighting fighting... argueing and wrestling and biting and hitting....and screaming and crying...

    I finally pulled off the highway on to some grass and beat the snot out of all four of them..(slightly exagerated)

    To this day........when the girls are squabbling....all I have to do is tap on my brakes.....and they stop....

    My point.....exactly.

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  30. but, Beste, did you spank YOUR children???

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  31. my dad used a paint stir stick too....it doesn't injur anyone at all, but it stings like the dickens--or like something that stings a whole lot

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  32. grandparents:
    what views on parenting have changed?

    parents:
    what parenting ideals have been "modified" from before you had your own kids?


    time and experience are great teachers

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  33. one time, on our way to grandmas (just a short drive to RP)when my energetic 5 year old son was loud and distracting to the driver (at the time seemed very dangerously disturbing to a stressed out mom)and I told him when we get to grandmas "you are getting a spanking". he got quiet, and we soon arrive safely.
    of course by then, we are all happy and i didn't want to deal with the promised discipline.
    but he reminded me of his need for a spanking because he felt the need for me to do what I said.

    moral of the story:
    be a parent of your word and only use spanking when it is necessary and always in private

    (usually easier said than done)

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  34. UNLESS you are spanking a large group.....

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