Tuesday, March 16, 2010

laughing or crying

I am sitting in my room, trying to forget the mountain of laundry in front of me. We probably have too many clothes, that's part of it. But the washer, she are in the basement. Waaaay in the corner of the basement with the spiders, past the recording studio. It's not just inconvenient, it's terribly, terribly annoying. That concludes your Spoiled American Entitlement Segment for today. Tune in next week for more!

Last night I went to a home group- the one I went to a month or so ago. Yesterday, they asked for kinda an Intro to Jess, so I started with my abridged edition, which skips over children dying and almost dying and tragedy in general and just focuses on the good stuff, but they asked some questions and I ended up getting into the real story, somewhat.

Everybody was super-kind and interested, and really, it was refreshing to talk about it without conversation just grinding to a halt while people try to figure out what to say. I like to talk about my life, the pain and the triumph and the ongoing battle being a mom of a special-needs kid, all of it.

The weird thing is making a new group of friends with a heavy intro like that. Typically, when I meet new people, I talk too much, tell a lot of jokes- catch people off guard and am liked, and enjoyed because I make people feel good- make them laugh. Humor has led the way for me for a long, long time. I've learned not to use it so much as a defense mechanism, but it's still great as an icebreaker.

Starting with the hard parts is different. On the way home, I'm asking myself if I have too much pain to be a safe friend for people- if that side of me makes them uncomfortable and maybe they don't really need to know. The contrast is just funny- because I'm either the court jester or the undertaker... no real middle for me, at least at first.

Musings from the deeper side of me...


  1. I think people who can handle "deep" can be the best kind of friend.

  2. Jess, you're the right kind of safe. I mean, if people surround themselves with pollyannas, then when will they grow? You're safe because you're trusting; and healthy because your reality is challenging. Don't change for others; we will lose out if you do.

  3. "too much pain to be a safe friend for people"

    you are a safe, safe friend because you know what it is to hurt... and you give us freedom to hurt too.

    i think your pain makes you more beautiful.

    thank you for being you!

    i. love. pal.

  4. Ha. How would i feel if when i came over to cry on your couch if you were always a super shiny happy person? AWKWARD. I love who you are. xoxoxo

  5. You are my baby daughter, definitely. I so know. Don't worry in time you will see what it is all about. You are a treasure to desperate and hurting people. Mama

  6. Pain makes people look real. I don't like people who aren't real. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that it makes me comfortable to be around other people who have experienced some pain life.-G

    The beauty of it is that you still smile, you still joke and you still love life in spite of the hard circumstances that you have endured.

  7. Jessica, I loved all the things you had to share at the mom's group. I left with a great respect for you and your husband! I really hope that you don't stop sharing your testimony b/c it really is so encouraging to hear about God's faithfulness and his healing power in your life! Your family sounds amazing and you are an amazing woman! And I totally feel your pain about the mountains of laundry and hating to go in the basement to do it! Bless you!


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