Friday, February 15, 2008




How old were you when you first KNEW that God had a purpose for your life, and what were you doing at that time?

This is a little tricky for me. I got "saved" when I was 16. I got "saved" more when I was 19, in Issues of the Heart. And I need to get "saved" now. So I don't really know.
You know, I just believe that there has to be fruit. And I've got little to no fruit that I'm looking at, in terms of disciples and or/fruits of the Spirit. And you can go ahead and say, Hey! You're patient and kind and blah blah blah. But that won't really cut it, because I live with me. And so I know.
Before I lost the twins, I felt a lot of purpose. I really loved being a part of what Radiant was doing, and I was getting so excited and faith-filled and seeing people get healed and such. Then the twins, and I just got shell-shocked, or sidelined or something. I was sick of fighting, and I sat down. So here I am nearly 5 years later and not really sure how to stop the crazy train.

I want to be passionate and filled with vision. And I keep waiting for the kickstart that will make it easy to get back where I was, or even grow past that. My fear is, maybe there is no kickstart. And maybe I have to motivate myself to pursue a God that confuses the heck out of me. Don't misunderstand me... I love Him. I want to serve Him. But I don't get Him sometimes. If He would just capture me, that would be a heck of a lot easier than trying to love Him so that I have any desire for Him or love for people at all.

Sorry if that's a depressing answer. You just happened to catch me at a particularly purpose-less stage.

Submit your creative writing ideas and I'll blog on one of them next week!


  1. been saved, being saved, will be saved... it's a continual and deepening process....

    some fruit takes years to get ready to come to fruition... it's okay. it's actually better that way because the flavors and nutrition produced in the end are much richer

    give yourself some time to've been through a deep winter time... and spring is on the way... but everything beautiful and amazing and lovely doesn't have to knock you over the head and cause hi-tension emotion! there is such beauty in living a patient life, waiting on God as you wait on your family....each day waking up and choosing to go ahead and lift your hand and place it into His... and let Him take you to the next level..

    did you ever read Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard?

    very influential story in my life... and one of the reasons we named our second daughter that name full of mercy and grace....

    speaking of Hannah Bee - that pic of Brynn reminds me of Hannah Banana - the one where she's in a brown chair or sofa and has the denim overalls on that are slightly off the shoulder... that expression reminds me SO much of Han's when she was that age...same coloring, same amount of hair and big eyes! han ended up with white blonde hair for a time.... then, it changed in elementary school...back to a brown blonde...

    you are special to all of us.... and i'm glad you got your V box...(sorry a bit late)

    guess what!? i'm going to be the editor of a quarterly newsletter at the hospital for all of our nurses!!! that will go out to approx 500 people!!! isn't that cool! i'm excited about it! and will gather and organize news and articles and awards, etc. from all of the depts and then put it together....then have a secretary format and get it to the printers and in the mail, etc! this was something i have been interested in doing for quite a while...


    this is vegetable night....









    choosing to rest in my God no matter what may come

    i love you jessica

  2. living in our purpose- if you are listening for His direction, you are..

    if you are pleased with being near His voice, you are..

    it is a big adjustment to believe we are in our purpose when it looks so different from a busy ministry- I know what that feels like. Not just the ministry I did in Texas, but help on my college campus' Christian group.. more time spent encouraging other college agers at my Bible study, more random stranger encouragements, Pregnancy Center volunteering, more e-mailing words of truth & more time to pray for words for others..

    yet God shows me in unique ways that He is still involved with WHERE I am, and that He is happy to be molding my heart, and hey isn't that what our purpose is to give to others: helping mold their hearts.. well, sometimes it is ourself IN the moment that is HIS PURPOSE. That's exciting.. to be there in His hand, His time spent on us, wanting us to be connected. After all, Jesus said that even if we say 'look at all I've done' that's not what the purpose was.. 'did you know Me?'

    Wow, to know Him is on the top of His agenda list-- what a Husband.

    God has been speaking to me in the last months about this.. and I'm praying that He'll lead you on more in His rest of truth, Jessica.

    Phil.2:13- For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.

    Remember it's His good pleasure. Sometimes we have a picture of what we think is what will be the good He wants to see.

    Ps.19:7- The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple.

    Col.2:6- As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, [so] walk ye in him:

    2:7 Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.

    2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.

    2:9 For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily.

    2:10 And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power:

    Near the beginning of this comment, when I saw the 'Choose an identity' words above the sign-in, it made me think of how we choose how we think we are identified. Yet we are to seek what God thinks at the times we feel we are either defining it ourself or maybe comparing ourselves with others, especially those who have more busy-in the spotlight-more visible fruit.

    I don't know specifically what it is for you, just thought this may help.

    Sometimes His capturing will be through us seeing more truth of His heart. <3 Love you!! ~Have a nice weekend~

  3. forgot to add-
    I do feel God wants me to slow down, not be so rushed so that I can hear His guiding to speak to more strangers at the store while I'm out, as I used to do more..
    So that is one of my goals.

    And seeing if He is leading for other areas of ministry also..
    listening more. I make choices for other things in it's place.. like we all do at times.

    So glad God is patient.

  4. Have you read purpose driven life?
    I haven't...just wondered.

  5. hi shannon, hi G, hi Nate and of course hello Jess... and all of you lurkers out there who don't commint much...

    good morning!!!

    yes, to have such a tight relationship with HIM the lover of our souls... that no matter what, we know we are CLOSE so that we hear HIS heartbeat and feel HIS whisper... nothing else matters and we get our instruction as we're in that close place with Him.

    some times i think the "organization" presents so many "things" that we should be doing... that we need to step back and look at it from rested and pure hearts and spirits to truly hear from God what it is that HE wants us to be doing during this time.... and if we feel that things are just going to FAST and TOO many things to do... we NEED to get into HIS rest so that He can direct and we can operate our of our heart of love and not blind submission because someone else said we "ought" to do such and such...

    not just hibernate, nor put our head in the sand, nor become a couch potato....because of discomfort... not to hide in books....

    but, to lay everything down and put everything aside on a daily basis.... and even get to a moment-by-moment basis where we are turned toward HIS heart and listening for His lovewords... then, begin to move and live and have our "being" .

    jess you do have HIS fruit of love operating and it is being evidenced on an hourly basis as you care so passionately for your children... the love you feel for them... is very strong... and know that HIS love for you and how HE feels about you (and all of His children) is so much MORE POWERFUL that that! His is an awesome love.... and HE loves always....

    He feels
    He hears
    He sings
    He knows

    He cries
    He sees
    He laughs
    He loves

  6. My purpose might just be to eradicate Ratkind from the planet(s)

  7. Hey Jess...cant find your email address...can you email me?
    I have a question for you.

  8. eva, r u ok? r u resting? we came by to check on / pray for u
    didn't know if u were sick.
    G said she was concerned bout when u get a chance. love ya

  9. Sick.........took day off.....

    needed the break.......things are really rough ..........

    I have spoiled the Rags to Riches team....because I really never take a day I took a REAL DAY off.....and everyone freaks out...........I am ok..........I can not continue to work 24/7..........or even 8/8......

    It is making me SICK!!!!!!!

  10. political input from msnbc and Rush:

    Conservatives staying home?
    Every day since Mr. McCain emerged as the likely nominee in the aftermath of nearly two dozen nominating contests on Feb. 5, Mr. Limbaugh’s switchboard has been lighting up with calls from conservative Republican listeners who say they plan to stay home on Election Day in November.

    “What he has got to be concerned with,” Mr. Limbaugh said of Mr. McCain, “is all these Republican voters who say right now they’re so fed up they’re not going to vote at all. That’s deeper than they realize.”

    In a sign that broadcasts like Mr. Limbaugh’s could play a role in the November outcome, Edison Media Research and Mitofsky International, the firms that conduct exit polls on behalf of the television networks and The Associated Press, asked voters in this week’s primaries in Virginia and Maryland whether they were frequent listeners of conservative talk radio. About one in three said they were.

  11. here's the link

    eva, ok, resting is good
    glad u r ok

  12. Vkg

    We are so glad you are not sick.-G


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