Dear Ms. Smartypants (vol 2)

Do good things really come to those who wait?


This depends on what you’re waiting for. If, for example, you are in line for a lobotomy, the “goodness” of said lobotomy is debatable. Or perhaps one is waiting in line for the lavatory at a Flying J. Wait if you will, gentle reader…. it won't be good.


What did Jesus really mean when he said we must become as children to enter the kingdom?
Wondering Wafer
According to my research, Jesus Carlos Menendez was referring to the 48” height limit on “Señor Jose’s Kingdom ‘o’ Fun”, due to the low ceilings.

georgia said...
If Toby is at the back door and he is traveling at an amazing 3mph with a whole piece of toast with jelly on it, and R2 is coming down the stairs heading to the front door at 1 mph and wearing a sombrero and talking about his shoes, At what point will impact take place and what will exactly happen to the toast. What exactly will be the outcome?
[shudder]
The known element is that the toast will land, jelly side down, on the carpet. This would be the case, even if Toby were eating his toast outdoors. In the scenario you mention, Toby would surrender the toast, quickly make his way up the stairs, remove his brother’s sombrero, put it on his head, fall down the remaining stairs into the toast, further embedding it into the carpet, and then proceed to sit on the remnants with the jelly smeared sombero and wail as Richy continued to make his way down the stairs.

josharoo said...
I am curious of (or at least want to laugh at) Smartypants’ advice to the following:
 What is the best way to get ahead at work?
Informing him (or her) that you are just looking for laughs is probably not the best approach, my dear reader.

What is the best way to get a promotion?
Dr. Vinny “the Shark” Tortellini, (Doctor of Philosophy, Harvard University) suggested to me that a good approach involves networking, “It’s who you know.” He also recommended “physical encouragement”. I have not been able to confirm Mr. Tortellini’s credentials.

When your boss says you’ll get a 5% raise, how do you convince them you should get a 30% raise?
Dr. Tortellini again offered input, but of such a violent nature that this reporter is seriously questioning his credentials.
One option is to act like you’re hard of hearing, loudly. “30 percent, you say?” “No, no, FIVE percent.” “Thirty- FIVE percent! You are truly generous, Mr. Boeing! Now I can afford that kidney!” VOLUME is key here.

anonymous said...
Which is your favorite pick for the next President, Clinton or Obama?
My favorite pick is a lightweight Jim Dunlop with comfort grip. Makes strumming a breeze.
I’m not familiar with a guitar called “President”, but a guitar case with OBAMA inscribed would cause many potential difficulties in airports.

anonymous said...
What about John Edwards? He’s got nice hair.
Good input. You are correct, John Edwards has the appropriate Presidential hair.

anonymous said...
Should I keep working at Simplify?
Well, “anonymous”. The answer is, no. That is, no is the answer if you would like to live under a shopping cart by the freeway across from Splashtown.

If you mean, should you kick back and take it easy, i.e. “stop working” while employed at Simplify: this approach is not generally recommended. In fact, it is frowned upon.

bethc said...
so who wants to guess how many miles the US atlas indicates from Houston to Nashville...?
Not I, my tall reader. Not I.

---

In other news, the fast starts tomorrow night. So I'll be blogging during the day.