Like a lot of moms who have lost children, I keep a mental calendar. When I see 4 year olds at the park, I am thinking about my sons. I have a good idea what they would have looked like... I actually keep 2 calendars... one, if they had lived when they were born. Then, they would be 4 1/2 and probably have significant special needs... worse than R2, likely. The other one is my favorite. Today would be my due date... and if they had been born on time, they would be 4 and healthy.
Instead, they are ageless and perfect. It works out great for them...
When I get to heaven, they might be full grown men. I used to rage against that idea.. I want to see their first steps! I want to hold babies! But over the years, as my heart-memory of them changes to 3 year olds, 4 year olds... I realize it will be okay to see them the age my mind has calculated.
Anyway, I know some might consider this a real downer of a post. I'm just letting you in on what September 25th means to me, every year.