Tuesday, January 27, 2009

to the church of Richy

17 comments:
 
I know that you love the brethren, and the sistren. I know that you love even the little children, and that ocassionally you take out the trash, and that your exploits in the studio are unmatched, indeed, you are the master of the recording studio.

Still, I have these things against you.

When you arise in the morning and you squeak the dresser drawers loudly and close the bathroom door so it makes a noise, I hold this against you. Indeed, although my anger is only for a moment and I might go back to sleep, except your other offenses.

For INDEED, you did turn on the overhead light and not one of the three small lamps. Not just in the room in which I sleep, but also in the living room where the oldest child lays on the couch until someone gives him permission to arise. And you did give him permission to arise, and my anger burns against you.

And though your trespasses weighed heavily against you, you did heed the decoy cries of the toddler and bid me come. And by hearing the fake cries of the toddler, you did allow him to awaken completely. My fury parallels the fire of the sun.

Now, my wrath burns and will not be held back, unless you turn from your ways and bring to me chocolate, refined by Snickers.

17 comments:

  1. oooo. Yikes. Overhead light, squeaky drawers AND allowed the child to awaken?

    That deserves a lot more than chocolate. That deserves a day out for mom.

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  2. Actually, your Revelation parody isn't entirely accurate. Usually when His countenance is like the Sun it's a good thing, not normally associated with wrath in that context, but His pure brilliance. Sheesh. Everyone knows that... - Richy

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  3. You are hilarious! Truly. You should write a book.

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  4. jess deserves MORE than chocolate for sure


    sheesh

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  5. webstream subscribers: richy will be playing guitar at the hop from 2-4.

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  6. oh, and no chocolate yet. I'm bout to melt him like wax.

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  7. best blog i've read in a long time. i've been laughing out loud since paragraph 2,and i haven't stopped yet.

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  8. Wow, where did you get this guy?

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  9. Wow Richard.....I thought you were raised better than that...... If you must wake up earlier than the entire house.....sneak sneak and shhshh..... if no one else wakes up..then you will reap the rewards of a very happy wife.....

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  10. Matt and D'ana have a new boy. Blaze Ephraim Tullos! Born tonight.-G

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  11. Got a text from Matt with the news. Blaze is 8 lbs 1 oz.

    Also, Bill and Suzi's girl was born January 22.

    Annabelle ??? Richards
    8 lbs 11 oz and 20.5 inches

    I texted with Bill the evening of the 24th and they were home already and Annabelle was in his arms.

    A Richard and a Tullos in the same week!

    Love me some baby news!

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  12. i love it.

    i just arose from my
    closet

    wherest i could not
    commune sweetly with
    mine God.

    for i, too, had these things
    against the mate
    that i, alas i, have
    chosen by my mighty arm
    and mine great prevailing
    wisdom

    and oh
    alas
    the fire raged mercilessly
    inside mine vexed heart
    and cries were not heard
    when in high tremoring voices
    of pitched decibels they rise
    in outraged cry against
    deafened ears.

    so
    my
    friend

    we,
    who are of
    the gentler
    sex

    we,
    the
    great
    nurturers
    of all
    mankind
    when
    they are
    yet infantile.....

    we
    do
    not understand
    these things

    be
    they
    testosterone
    driven

    or
    just the
    acts of
    one so otherworldly and
    preoccupied

    yet
    i
    take comfort
    in this
    one
    thing...

    .......
    ......
    .....

    i,
    yes! and even
    thee!
    We are
    alone......


    out!

    these silly sayings
    are probably
    because for the last
    three days i have
    woken up
    bing!
    at 2 skinking AM

    thanks for sharing though!

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  13. ooops

    i meant

    NOT
    N O T
    alone

    for no temptation has overtaken
    us but such which
    is common to man!

    and with
    such
    God will make
    a way of escape

    we
    just
    have
    to
    FIND
    it

    ALREADY!!!!!!

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  14. I just read this late of course, but yes Jessica, you are hilarious. You should be a comedian or something :oP

    very funny and doesn't it feel good to get all that out now? hehe :)

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Jess here: if Blogger gives you problems, just click "Anonymous" and sign your name. Roll with the punches, folks...

 
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