Thursday, March 5, 2009

Let's fight

Marriage is all about compromise. You start to figure out after a while that some people are always going to take naps, and some people are always going to leave the vacuum cord laying around. Really, you are never going to celebrate these things, unless maybe one of you almost dies and from then on every time you see the vacuum cord you will be seized with thankfulness and clutch the cable to your heaving bosom. So, exceptions. But for the most part, you will kinda roll your eyes and deal with one's idiosyncrasies the way you choose to deal. 

Then there are the Big Two. These are the fights every married couple has, at least after a while, and one is money and the other one is not something I talk about on a family blog. These fights come and go, in cycles and progressively get better or worse. 

Then there are the little nitpicky things that still irritate you after almost 13 years, like the way that one chews a ham and cheese sandwich, or how some people never notice the floor needs to be swept until the linoleum is hidden. 

Or, the temperature in the car on roadtrips. I like to be warm. I especially like to be warm when it is snowing outside. Richy likes to run the air conditioner in the van year round. He claims he is unable to breathe otherwise. I, respectfully, think this is a load of hooey.  So we battle back and forth, one turning the knob towards the blue, the other towards the red. I put on a sweater, sighing heavily. He gasps and cracks open his window. I put my hood on, rubbing my arms to try to maintain circulation. He makes strangled sounds. Can we do this for 12 hours on a trip? We can do this for 12 years. It is probably never going to change. 

I write this from the corner of the good couch, which I won by being the most stubborn, or at least the loudest. He is napping on the old futon. 

As I get perfected in love, I'm sure I will get a lot, lot better at compromise. In the meantime, I can't think of anyone in the world I'd rather fight with. 


  1. Ooooooooo How SWEET! I love you two love birds...... You fight so good....

    and ....... is NOT the A/C that makes it possible to breath honey......
    it is the feeling of circulating air.....
    Heaters clog up the air making it warm and heavy and suffocating...

    and...... red koolaid makes babies hyper and run run run around futons.


    You 2 are perfect for each other.

    Well rounded kids are inevitable.
    The best of both worlds...

    I love you too!

  2. are those lifebands I see??

    just celebrate the things you agree on... the everything else is negotiable!


  3. ha ha, its funny cause randy and i have NEVER fought about Money.. or the unmentionable ;-) seriously never!

    but your right i think each marriage has one or two things they get stuck on.

    i think after 8 yrs randy and i have figured out how to talk through things. ( we are far from perfect) but after 8 yrs we have learned that stopping for 1 min in the morning hustle and bustle to hug and say good morning and kissing first thing when he's home from work, and holding hands, and sharing the same couch rather than using separate ones has made huge differences in our marriage. after all its the little things that matter!

    oh... and jess, I feel your a/c pain. I ALWAYS keep a blanket in the car! maybe you should look into heated seats!

  4. Yeah.I know thas right. Mama

  5. i too was the one rolling the window down, gasping from the heater in the winter time... i can remember being so very young, riding to school... the 5 minute trip in hobbs, new mexico... suffocating while my dad tried to keep his toes from freezing off...


  6. anyone who has been to CTK while I am on stage knows how I react to the slightest hint of warmness.

    BUT I remember the 10 day prayer/fasting deal done in a February a few years ago. I was leading worship...and Richy had the heater CRANKED. I felt like i was going to be sick.

    Heaters in the car bug me. Some people(Crystal) run them constantly. Even when it's 70 degrees outside and anyone in their right mind would be riding with the windows down or with the AC on low...

    One day I'll be skinny and might be cold. But until then, I cannot ride in a car with Crystal driving. She will cook me.


    this means.. heat and hip-hop!


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