Tuesday, June 1, 2010

It's not rocket surgery...

We leave for Texas in a couple of days, and Laundry Mountain still stands strong and undefeated in the basement. I could conquer it, if I really wanted to. There are obstacles, namely a rock band and their gear everywhere, and the fact that I am almost out of detergent, and the washer and dryer are in the dark, far corner of the basement where they used to keep the serial killers. Add to that the fact that it is summer and cuteness abounds, and add to that the fact that I am a lazy bum, and there you have it. Woman bested by laundry, on the 10 o'clock news.

The trouble with laundry is that it's a multi-step project. Dirty clothes must be sorted, to some degree, and then washed and then dried and then dried clothes must be harvested and sorted again and then folded and then put away. I'd like one machine to do it all. Like a robot, maybe you're saying. Well, no. I don't trust robots.

First you let a robot put your clothes away and next thing you know it's either going to be trying to assassinate the President or it starts developing human emotions and falling in love with you. And Apple's not making a robot anytime soon. It would be a Microsoft kinda thing for sure. So, skipping 4 paragraphs, let me sum up and say it wouldn't work. 

In other news, I probably just made my way onto my first Google alert list for using the phrase assassinate the President up there. Listen, guys. I was talking about a ROBOT. I'm clean.

What I want is simple. I want a machine. I put the dirty clothes in, and it washes and dries and folds them, and then puts them in a slot, and then I flip through a touch screen to pick which clean folded clothes I want, and it dispenses them. Is that so much to ask? Kenmore? GE? You listening? A housewife speaks.


  1. you are hilarious and beautiful!!! why haven't they made that yet????

  2. Jeremy suggests that you look into a career as a stand up comedian ~ he would pay to hear you and laugh his head off!!!

  3. Someday you're gonna be fighting for your royalties as the original inventor of that machine, and you can submit this blog post as proof!

  4. love the title of this post.

    also, james already invented that machine (in his head of course), so you can't have the royalties unless you share with us. I don't think his included a touch screen, so you can have the touch screen royaties. ;)

  5. Man has invented that machine... We calll it a wife. The first model had a wash board by the river and emitted to much nag. So we came out with new model washer n dryers to help reduce the nag flow.... I see it's not working.

    Funniest man alive

  6. Jess, you ARE too funny!

    i like your musings and rantings and ravings.....

    enjoy Tejas!


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