awake

Toby has a doctor's appointment today. I think it's at 10 or 10:30...
I have to call once their office opens and find out.
So here I am, awake and soooo tired with a nervousy stomach.
Maybe it's an overactive commitment gene. Or maybe I've hit Issues
one time too many. Because when I know I have a plan, I dread it.
It doesn't matter how fun or exciting the plan is. I just can't relax
because there is a PLAN.
For example, yesterday I knew I had to be home by 4:30 ... and feed
people and dress people and so forth so Richy could be at the church
by 6. So all day I'm panicking as I shop... I kept stopping to look
at my cell phone clock. (no, I don't wear a watch because I can
barely tell time and digitals look too butch for me)
So all day, little panics. Have I spent too long at Target?? Will I
have time for grocery shopping?? Oh NO! Only 3 hours until I have to
be home! and so forth.

It's a neurosis, folks. And when I have a morning plan I wake up
hours early and neurotically watch the clock until I know it's
actually TIME to get ready now.
Sheesh.

at least 9 minutes and possibly 1 hour 9 minutes until I can call the
doctor's office and find out the verdict.... is it 10.... or 10:30....