Wednesday, July 14, 2010

us, and her

As I write this, a social worker is meeting with a young mother.

In the next hour or so, she might decide who will raise the son she is carrying. She will look at glossy pictures of me, of Richy, of our happy, safe home. What must she be thinking? Part of me wants to try to stop her, to say, "Don't you know how much you'll miss him? His first teeth,  his first steps... take your baby and run!"

I have spent six years trying not to think too hard about the children I've lost, reaching milestones in heaven (if it works that way). If I had been given the choice, in 2004, I don't know what I might have been willing to give up, to have them, to keep them.

It's not the same. I know that. I know some women are not ready, or willing, or able to parent their children. Still, it's a hard thing to process.

If she chooses us, so much gain for us. So much loss for her, for the baby who will miss the sound of her voice, the essence of his mother.

Someone loses.

In the purest part of me, at least, I think it's from a pure place, I hope she wins. I hope she becomes everything she thinks she can't be, that she finds Jesus and life and hope, and wins.


  1. I really think that the baby is not losing anything overall. I believe that God is faithful to heal any hurts that might occur from not living with a biological family or even stop the hurts from forming. If you and Richy adopt him into your loving home, I believe the only one who will be losing anything is the mother, unfortunately.

    I volunteer a LOT at a crisis pregnancy center, and I can tell you from an adoption I witnessed that the mother fully knew what she was giving up (as she already had one child), but was making the selfless choice that she thought was best for her child. I guess often being a good parent is being selfless whether that is while you're parenting or in choosing not to parent.

    I was reading your Moral Outcry blog today and it inspired me to look at the pictures of waiting children. Which in turn inspired me to make the first steps to possibly do a foster adoption. Lots of prayer still needed about it. :)

  2. That's exciting, Deanna! Keep me updated!

  3. YES and AMEN I understand 100% in more ways than you know.

    I love you Jess

  4. Beautifully said, Jess.

    Just be glad that this girl is choosing adoption for her child over parenting in what might be a harmful situation.

    I often think of my son's birth mother and think, "Why didn't you choose adoption for your children over exposing them to danger and losing them in a most violent and heart-wrenching way?" Hard, yes, but so much better than what happened in her case.

    Praying this young mother choosing the right, God-led path for her and her child.


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