Monday, December 14, 2009

Smartypants shocks you


Anonymous said...


Who is the sappiest Christian Fiction writer?-G

It’s a tricky question, dear reader. By “sappy” do you mean gushy, romantic and emotional, or do you mean corny and stretched plotlines? Either way, the answer is the same author, but I dare not offend my readers that might be fans of rhymes-with-Cori-Pick. Therefore, this author will remain cloaked in mystery.

Anonymous said...

How does one convince one's husband that piles of dirty laundry do not belong all over the house, in bedroom, bathroom, living room, and kitchen!?!

The infamous Hildegard Bumenkrantz was known

to grab her husband, the more diminutive Gunther Bumenkrantz by the back of the neck and force his face repeatedly into such infractions, while repeating mild threats and explaining the best location for such items as ones coffee-stained pajama pants. While unconvential, this is a wildly successful method for the husband of smaller stature. For larger spouses, I recommend a taser gun.

misskerri said...

Dear Mrs. Intelligent Clothing - 

What is the best way to infect co-workers/family/friends w/ the Christmas Spirit so that holiday events and songs can be enjoyed without repercussions???

Again, a taser gun is a viable option. Ideally, it would be decorated in a cheery manner befitting the season. Then, for example, when you come in contact with a “Scrooge” lamenting the existence of the song “Christmas Shoes”, you could just lean in with a jolly expression and zap them heartily with your bedecked weapon. Over time, morale will improve dramatically.

Jennifer James said...

Dear Ms. Smartypants:

I am 21 weeks pregnant. Why do people talk to my belly before they talk to me? Why also do they touch it, like it's a good luck charm?

Is it possible that talking to your face is a little intimidating, with all that deep-seated hostility and rage emanating from your eyes? Contrast that to a helpless little alien-headed fetus, full of cheer and kindness. How likely are you to be tased by a fetus? Ask yourself that.

Elizabeth Kosorski said...

SP, At what age is it appropriate for children to begin playing with matches? Thanks for all your fantastic insight, I'm a huge fan!

My dear, dear snarky reader. I think that question really has to be decided by the toddlers themselves. Who am I to judge the fire-readiness of the average 2 or 3 year old? Let them explore their boundaries. What is the benefit of a standing house with repressed toddler souls inhabiting it?

Anonymous said...

What are your favorite fiction books? What do you recommend?

This is more of a question for your regular blogger, who, while being Ms. Smartypants in one regard, is entirely separate from Dame Smarty in others. Thus, we will leave this one for those don’t-have-anything-to-say days.

Anonymous said...

sp ~ 

why can't i sign into my old blog so i can switch it to the new set up?? am i just a techno geek or is blogger insane??? how can i do this?? I want to start posting blogs on my old blog because its SET UP and i like it alot but when i try to switch to the new google account it says it can't find my old blog!!!! ugh!!! please help me!!


This sounds like an intensely personal issue. I recommend a pedicure and a massage, followed by electro-shock therapy.


  1. Welcome back home smarty pants!-G

  2. You are indeed hilarious. However, am concerned about the rage Ms. Smarty=Pants feels I emanate out my ocular orifices.... I assure you, you are confusing rage for a desperate need to go out of the house with just my husband. It's easy to mess those two up, they look very similar.

  3. your wisdom astounds me! leaves me speechless! I just pray the Lord would FILL ME with the great wisdom he has put with in you oh smart one!

  4. I'll let Jere Pete know what was recommended and we will see!!!

    thanks so much (Beth) for helping me set up my blogger stuff!!!

  5. AHAHAHAHA!!!! i always leave laughter on your comments... but there are no words and i really am laughing!!! my fave was the children with matches answer. :O)

  6. I just read through the entire Smartypants archive. I feel rather incapacitated by such a concentrated dose of wise-a—I MEAN WISDOM.

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. I just read this. Great comedy, accept...

    I HATE THE CHRISTMAS SHOES SONG!! It is a mind numbing and pointless.

    When I hear the intro music on the radio, the radio must go off before the first words are sung! Last week, I was in the kitchen. The radio is on the computer desk in the living room. I hear it come on, I alert Shannon to turn off the radio, she turns it off before the first lyrics, I am happy. BUT WAIT, Keith walks over saying "I want the music!" and turns it back on, lyrics now being sung! I am in crisis. Shannon looks at me smiling, she is trying not to laugh. Not wanting to react to my lovely child who is innocently wanting Christmas music and doesn't know the loathing I have for the song yet, I take 5 seconds to think and then nicely say "Keith, right now the radio can't be on. Please turn in off for a couple minutes." He complies and turns it off. I thank him. Crisis averted.

    By next Christmas, he will be taught to recognize the song and turn it off. This is my New Years Resolution.


Jess here: if Blogger gives you problems, just click "Anonymous" and sign your name. Roll with the punches, folks...

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