Monday, December 7, 2009

the wetting of the dishtowel and other apostasies

And if the dishtowel is made wet, how does it then serve its purpose? For the dishtowel is the drier of the hands, and of the large dishes, and of the counter therein.

But you, you wet the dishtowel, indeed, and you stick it in the sink with water and then wash the counters. This should not be so. Is not the sponge for washing, and is not the sponge located in a basket beneath the sink? Even, a large bag of new clean sponges? But you, you indeed deny the power of the sponge.

Then, when I come to load the dishwasher in due season, I
find wet dishtowels, indeed, multiple wet dishtowels, stained with coffee, soaked in dishwater and stuck behind the faucet. I then gather unto myself all the drippy cloths, and I fling them into the basement where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth, and the washer and dryer.

When I return to the kitchen with slimy hands seasoned with coffee grounds, do I find there one dry towel with which to dry them after they have been purged with Palmolive? I do not. I find only a basket of sponges and one red placemat that remains.

Brethren, I urge you, for the love of God, use the sponges for washing. This is your right and acceptable service.

I will write to you soon, of the matter of the prodigal sippy cup, which is cast into the sink prior to being drunk, and while it is still filled with water or orange juice. And the voice of Brynn, weeping, for her cup is no more.


  1. oh my gosh.

    if i wasn't so sleepy
    i might then make a soliloquy
    oh well you know what i meaneth.

    come now
    let us reason together
    saith mommy
    though your dishcloths
    they moldeth
    they shalt be whiter than snow
    with clorox
    saith another mommy

    oh i hear you.
    my dearest jess
    i hear you.

    i have a Pet Peeve with all things

    the First Commandment being

    Thou shalt never touch a towel to the ground below
    for then, behold, it is soiled.

    the Second Being:

    All wetness is synonymous with
    bacterium, mold and all manner of
    species of evil multiplying microbes;
    thereby being rendered unfit
    for any kitchen purposes
    unless that be wiping up spilt milk and then only fit for the washing machine and .......

    Behold, I give thee Clorox
    it is God's gift to moms everwhere.


  2. ahahaha! i applaud your cleverness. and laugh (or, snicker, rather) out loud in appreciation. amen.

  3. wet dishtowels are the HEIGHT of gross. I mean ick ick ick. They smell and they never dry out. Gross! I would beat my husband if he did that.

  4. welcome to 2010 two words... CLOROX WIPES!

  5. oh my gosh! you know my pain!

    can you add a verse about the use of rare and precious dish towels for cleaning mud off of clothes and shoes please?

    thank you so much for knowing my pain!

  6. OMG!!! The dishtowel "aka HUGE super size dish clothe" covers lots of countertop space with less effort because it is so much larger than a small dish clothe or even a sponge! Sponges are yukky and BREED germs galore!! Richard was raised right- use a huge wet dish towel to clean entire spaces is half the time- IF you wash kitchen laundry several times a week, (or use the sponge $ to buy extra dish towels) then the world would be a better place.

  7. hahahahahahahah You're AMAZING.


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