ruminatin'

I'm thinking today about babies. Most of you know we have fought hard for the three we have living, as well as the two in heaven. We had Richy at 24 weeks, and then took a couple of years off, till we felt God moving our hearts to change our perspective and expand our hearts as well as our territory...  We realized that we had bought into the mindset that kids are a burden and a "choice", even though abortion was the furthest thing from our minds.

After losing the twins, you'd think that would have burned us out... but it just made us more heart-hungry for children. I read up on the quiverfull movement, and it stirred my heart. I don't agree, necessarily, with everything they eschew, but a heart attitude of acceptance and welcoming towards children. 

In fact, I remember feeling desperate and heartbroken at the thought that I might never have another baby. We started exploring adoption, and I found my heart totally rocked by Steven Curtis Chapman's music video. Of course, it's deeper just that, but i became blown away by Gods love for orphans. I studied options for a while, and it became something that we wanted to do, but first we wanted to try pregnancy again... so after 4 months of bedrest, we got Toby, and then very soon afterwards, 3 months of bedrest and Brynn. 

Now, I'm in a position where my womb is a dangerous place for children, but my heart is still wide open. I am learning this... how to have a quiverfull heart with a broken womb.