Sometimes I worry that I'm a bit of a scoffer. I mean, when you're raised in Christian school, you develop a healthy fear of God, or at least a fear of punishment, and you learn how to phrase things in a way that will not offend the Lord. He's sensitive, you know? See?? all scoff-y.
Then you, (or at least I) get jaded, or saved, and come to a realization that God is not mad at us, and that He can handle our attitudes and our pain, and so we get (or I did) more comfortable talking to him. (disclaimer: I am not a theologian, and I know there are more facets to God than we will ever know, and He's a judge as well as a Teddy Bear, and yeah yeah yeah. I'm just talking about this facet, lay off.)
Somewhere in there with the comfort there's something bordering on disrespect, both for God and for the people of God, and the forerunners of faith. And there's an arrogance in me toward anything I see as corny or cheesy, and it's messed me up a little. I mean, genuine people who love God design homeschool curriculum, and bulletin boards and videos with terrible animation, and those cheesy vehicles are carrying truth. But I'm all superior in my hipness, gagging because there's a clown on the package. Or a guy in Bible robes or whatever. You know? Do you know?
While I was researching what I was going to teach for homeschool, I was so torn. Because I hate these websites and these graphics and (maybe righteously) the marketing and the overcharging.
But I realized I want my kids to know the Bible. Like, really know it. Because even with all my skepticism, I know Jesus, who He is. And if you cut me, I'd bleed Scripture, because of all the faithful ladies in denim jumpers who taught me. And taught me and taught me. I have a SOLID core, a foundation of truth that impacts my life every.single.day.
I'm just thinking about all this, and about my arrogance and how it has affected my love for the Bible and the church. And how I'm going to get over it, to teach lessons that seem corny to me, because the message is what matters. I'm also thinking about how I will, never, ever dress up in a clown suit, because all this humility and maturity has to have some boundaries.