We touched briefly on "the list". You know, that list you make of what your spouse HAS to be. I didn't have a lot of time to make a list, since I got married before all my baby teeth fell out, so mine was truncated. It said, "Musician. Long Hair." Richy was everything I was looking for, and more. That's a benefit of getting married young, you're simpler.
But so much, the list is goofy. I mean, nobody is going to measure up to that stuff, unless you're a pessimist, and your list is things like, "Only yells once in a while", "Keeps up with basic hygiene", "Does not kick cats." And then some joker comes along with buck teeth and you don't give them a chance. Just saying.
I'm not saying don't have ideals, prayers you throw up to God for Prince Charming or Cinderella or whomever, I mean, God likes to know what you want, even though He already KNOWS. I just bet Prince Charming's list didn't say, "Girl from dysfunctional home", "Skilled at cinder-sweeping", "Difficult in-laws", "Tendency to misplace belongings, i.e., shoes." "Weird transportation."
And everything changes, in life. You'll find the things you thought were crucial are so secondary when your bald husband is a totally rocking dad, or whatever.
Maybe what's important is who you are. Maybe make a list of who you want to be for a future spouse and then pray that in, and do the work to make changes. Maybe you've got a minute here to work on the one you can actually change. I'm talkin bout the man in the mirror. Make that change. (Sorry, unavoidable.)
Sidenote: if you're already married, the principle still works. You can't fix your spouse, you can change yourself, at least, most of the time. Turn it around, yo.