my special helpers from heaven watch a lot of TV

I never linked to this over here, since I figured that all my internet worlds were combined, but just in case they aren't: my article on potentially abortive birth control over at Bound4Life. 

I've been a busy little bee this week, painting the bathroom and disassembling and redoing the dining table and chairs. Fact: it is easier to take something apart than it is to put it back together. Y'all feel free to use that in a sermon illustration. Oh! and when I was painting over the old antique white with new bright white, I thought, here's a Baptist sermon right here. That's free. You're welcome, Baptist buddies.

Sometimes people ask me, "How do you do these projects with kids around?" Excellent question. I'll explain.

I give them electronic devices. Whatever I've got, phone, computer, stud finder, calculator. That keeps em busy for a little while, while I paint feverishly instead of taking a shower and changing out of my PJs. Time is of the essence, whatever that means. Google break! (well, that was boring. I was hoping for something more mythological or poetic) Anyways. I work fast. Sometimes I stay up late taping and doing all the hard part so I can just paint as soon as I wake up.

Eventually, someone gets hungry. I put out food, like a bowl of crackers which they can then carry through the house and crush under their feet. This usually buys quite a bit of time, especially if there is peanut butter involved. Crunch, crunch, smash, smear.

Oh, and I do projects while my husband is gone. Always. "WHA?" you say. "Why not make use of a co-parent?" Well, because a) he parents very... casually and b) he hates every project idea I ever have. He hates all color and change. (exaggeration) So if I ask him if I can paint the bathroom purple, he would say very, very strong things about how much he hates purple and how everyone hates purple and how Hitler used purple, primarily. If I don't ask him, then when he sees it all finished, he might be like, "Meh, not crazy about purple, but whatever. Studio CD kingdom kissing." Something in that vein.

Sometimes, I do a project for so long that my children FORCE me to interact with them. I usually give them a project they can't mess up, like painting the underside of the table with their watercolor brushes and real paint. They'll do that for like 5 minutes and then start dropping paint around and threatening each other. That's when I usually quit and pick it back up when they get bored with me.

I would show you the table, but I'm going to wait and show it to the MOG in person first. Besides, it kind of reminds me of those paintings in the nail salon with a piano and long red fingernails holding a rose, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.