Tub-pocalypse, or, letting go

There are things in life that you take for granted. Gravity is a classic example. Other things, like the badness of Mexican food in Missouri, or the likelihood that some little Disney star will start acting super-trashy, riiiight about the time she's turning 18.

Or how about this one? You expect a bathtub hot water knob to stay on the shower wall, dispensing water at your command. Today, my world was rocked. I twisted the knob, as I have done countless times in my life, and then it wiggled a little. "Huh..." I thought, just before the knob popped out of the wall and was slammed across the room by a geyser of hot water. "Holy Moses!" I thought, or something like that. "What do I DO?" I tried to put the knob back on, no go. By this point, water is slamming off the back wall and out of the tub in streams.

I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I escaped to the hallway, screeching "RICHY! RICHY! BATHROOM EMERGENCY!" Richy was a mile away at the Prayer Room and therefore, did not hear me. Hannah tried to come to the rescue, by going into the basement and turning off every water-looking dial she could find. I turned off water-looking dials under the sink and started throwing towels and blankets and random clothes into the flood...

Then I had this idea, because I am logical. I thought, "I bet I could put that knob back in and somehow regain control of this monster..." So I did. After a moment, the water stopped spraying and started dripping out of the faucet again.

I was just giving myself a little pat on the back when Hannah started screaming in the kitchen.

Get this: if you plug a geyser, it still keeps spraying. You heard it here first, ladies. Only now, instead of flooding my bathroom, it was POURING out of the light fixture in the kitchen. And down the stairwell in the basement, like a mighty flood of justice.

By this point, we had made emergency calls to multiple sources, finally reaching Richy who came home and ran around, taking the knob back off and kind of frantically disparaging our efforts until he found and turned off the water main. Whew.

I don't know if I'm cut out to be a homeowner.