be still

I have been wearing pj pants for about 5 days. In fact, I don't think I've left the house in close to that much time. I only left today because I had to go to the bank. Well, quel le fromage? maybe you're asking. What the cheese, indeed. I'll tell you.

I have a baby due in a month. Despite giving birth to 5 children, I've never been this pregnant, and if you're new here, I'm not pregnant now... but unless something drastic changes, I will have a new baby in a month. So let me tell you what my serial premature-delivery-inducing brain is saying about being 35+ weeks pregnant. It goes something like this.

"SIT VERY STILL. STOP, STOP MOVING. GO BACK UP TO YOUR BED, EAT CHOCOLATES AND BE STILL AND WAIT. " So I have been doing that. I'm not leaving the house, or getting dressed in "street clothes", or doing much more than the minimum of housekeeping, until I remind myself that it's okay, and my les incompetent cervix is not involved here, and I can do anything and not have a baby. So I get up and putter around for a while, phone in some homeschooling,  do the dishes, and run to the grocery store. All the while, my brain is sending alarms... "IT'S TOO CLOSE! BE STILL! MORE SWEETS, MORE LAYING DOWN!" and I comply. 

Lucky for me, the MOG has the same brain glitch, or PTSD, so he doesn't mind. I don't know how we'll do with a baby that comes home with no wires or alarms.. 

Some people nest. I hibernate. I sit on my bed, folding laundry or reading and thinking about names, and hair colors, and what might be. There is a baby coming, and if I hold my breath, everything will work out, and he will be born a massive 6 pounds, and put in my arms. I think my brain just short-circuited. Where are those chocolates?