When you are used to a certain lifestyle, it is a challenge to change. That's probably why so many prisoners go BACK to prison, and why I make beep-boop sounds while pushing a shopping cart without children in it.
I am adjusting to not having my posse around. Don't get me wrong, I like it. I went swimming in the middle of the day yesterday, and I stayed up super late being loud. I slept all night long. Don't get me wrong again, I like my kids and I want them back... eventually.
But yeah, I'm looking around nervously in parking lots for fugitive toddlers, scoping out what on my plate is a choking hazard, shushing people who are not waking up a baby. Every now and then I have this panic, where I realize I have not been watching my kids and they could be anywhere. Sometimes I have that feeling in my normal life, and it usually means Toby has hacked into the FBI database and is looking at pictures of homicidal clowns, or that Brynn is hiding behind the shower curtain, eating a tube of toothpaste. It's rarely good, that moment.
And I'm tired, super tired from the travel and consistently staying up too late, but here I am at 10 in the morning, drinking hot chai without (much) concern of someone spontaneously doing a BATMAN FLIP into my shoulder and raining tea on all surrounding.
I will be thrilled to get back to mommying, but first I'm going to enjoy the rest of my break.