Tuesday, June 28, 2011

revisit: open adoption

Sometimes, as I am writing the minutiae of my life, I think to myself: "This is on the internet." And I firmly believe there is no privacy on the internet, as expressed by this diagram. Not that that affects me too much, since my mama told me all my life, "Never write down anything you don't want the whole world to read." And that was way before the internet. So. Headstart.

Anyway, all that to say I am aware that Tristan's birthfamily might read this here blog, and I try to write accordingly, and not say anything I wouldn't say to their faces. That's a good policy anyway, y'all. Just saying.

So we're walking out open adoption, figuring it out as we go along, and it may be redefined a million times before we know how it will really be. After our last visit, they hadn't requested a follow-up visit, but I had a dream that led me to think we should initiate a get-together. So I did, and they seemed really glad for the opportunity. We met at a park for a couple of hours yesterday.

It's tricky, all this. I want to let them see he's happy, settled, okay. I want them to find peace in seeing that. On the other hand, I don't want to cause them more pain, like, if it hurts more to see him, to see me and him. So I have to leave it in their court, but they're walking a tightrope, too, I'm sure. So yeah, tricky. From what I can tell, they don't regret placing him, and they're happy he's so loved and part of us. They seem to be adjusting, carrying on. And really, I have to be okay with that, even if I'm not sure it's true.

So the visit was good. It was easier than last time, because we know each other better and the first-visit jitters were not a factor. It might have been a little weird for them that he's bigger now and not so immediately accepting of them, he took his time warming up. Eventually, though, he crawled and laughed and danced and did all his wonderful stuff. And I was so, so proud of him. It's funny, feeling such a possessive sense of pride and joy for who he is, when he was their baby first.

There were moments where we all were just watching him, enjoying him and laughing together, and it was just family. I hope that dynamic will grow as we continue down this road.

I wrote some sappy poetry about it over yonder.

I am so grateful to God and to these sweet people for my baby. He is pure joy.


  1. Thanks for opening your up your life and heart and sharing about a topic that is tricky to navigate, Jess. My heart goes out to the Birth Family, well, because that's sort of what I'm living right now and I get that side of the coin. Prayers for you all as you continue to build upon your relationship and define it in a beautiful way for your son.

  2. Hey there, girl!

    Think I mentioned this before....but do you want to do a guest post on my blog? This is a powerful thing to do for you and for me.

    Not sure? Read this from my new Norwegian friend:


    The three categories I would put you for blogging about (but feel free to stray) would be

    1) advocacy for adoption
    2) maybe a tutorial for getting started blogging or how to write your passion. Use all of your Piney Woods awesome Language Arts skills, and all of your God given Erma Bombeck humor. Maybe even use some video. Or, ways to pimp your page (excusez moi, pardon moi) and configure all medias together on one page for those just getting started.
    3) or...... whatever direction your editorial heart takes you.

    Looking for fresh content, witty humor a la Erma Bombeck, candid Christ centered causes, lots of links, and inspiration!

    Love you! I would say I have a 50/50 readership Christian/non-Christian.


Jess here: if Blogger gives you problems, just click "Anonymous" and sign your name. Roll with the punches, folks...

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