You know, I'm not so crafty. I mean, I could probably outsmart you, if you want to take it that direction. But I mean I'm not Martha Stewart crafty, and now you're thinking about insider trading. Knock it off, I'm trying to say I'm not great at craft projects like sewing or radish roses or decoupaging folding chairs into priceless works of art. Okay? And I've always been okay with that, until Pinterest came along and started making it look like anybody could do these things. But it's a lie. Maybe I will never build an attic loft out of white cedar beams and rose stems. Maybe I will never make a toy out of a sock. Maybe, for the rest of my life, I will buy everything pre-made at Walmart, like I like conformity.
Anyway. I decided to make Brynn a rainbow cake for her birthday, because it's so adorable, and how hard could it be? So I bought the ingredients and got some fancy new pans and I read 5 different blogs with instructions and then I failed. So much failing.
For all you crafty bake-a-cake-like-the-Eiffel-Tower-to-celebrate-Wednesday types who say things like, "How is that massive of a fail even possible?" I'll tell you. I am a terrible baker. I make delicious things that look like they were created in the back of a speeding van with people shooting at me. Have I, on more than one occasion, dubbed it a "Volcano Cake", because it was split down the middle? Have I poured frosting in the crater? I have. More than once. And it was delicious. So I knew I was taking a risk, but Pinterest was all like, hey, relax, a stuffed animal could make this cake.
I made it in half layers, thinking it would be a 6 layer cake, but only as tall as a 3 layer cake, because, math. But then the layers were disintegrating upon exiting the pan. I was still hopeful. I'll just cram it together here, I thought, and then when I frost it, it will stick together. But then the next layer came out all Nagasaki too and I realized that 2 destroyed layers placed on top of each other would only make chaos, and I wasn't trying to make chaos, it was supposed to be My Little Pony, which is like the opposite of chaos. Oh, I was trying out some private school cussing. DadGUMMit, I said. But that didn't help at all, and I apologize, Ms. Howell.
After 3-5 minutes of total despair, I decided that maybe a 2 layer cake would be better than a 6 layer cake, and it could be pink and purple. And I oiled that pan like BP. No cake will ever stick to one of my pans again, I can tell you that. And it came out ok. I mean, I tried making the frosting look like fondant by smoothing it with a paper towel, and all the top frosting came off, but I had lots of jars of frosting, because I have been me for a really long time now. It was cute. Whatever.
And now I am giving up on being crafty. Except maybe making a spice rack out of magnets and a rug out of t-shirts, because, come on. How hard could it be?