Endurance, or why my inner man needs to SHUT IT

As of today, I have completed 3 weeks of fitness bootcamp. Or has it been a year? I can't remember. All my brain cells have been drafted to keep my feet moving in front of each other. This week, I knew we were running 3 laps on Friday, and I am a little bit concerned about how much of my week was spent dreading that.

I was up hours early with butterflies in my stomach, because it's the unknown, you know? No, you don't and that's the problem. I hate not knowing stuff. So I was awake and giving myself very stern and very silent pep talks, because I did not want interrogation from the peanut gallery. I'm going to do it, I told myself. And I'm not going to be a wuss and walk the whole time. Quit being a wuss! And stuff like that.

I got in my van and texted my sister, who runs 3 miles for fun, in her spare time between crunches.

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So first we did Benjamins, which means 100's of things, this day it was ab stuff. I was the slowest again, which gives me lots of encouraging speech material for my kids- "Hey! I was the slowest today and I thought my guts might explode but I kept going! So quit screaming and pick up that Lego!"

And then I found out it was only 1.8 miles, more like 2.5 because of terrain and whatnot, and I still wasn't reassured. I started weak and made myself run the downhill segments. I have various landmarks that tell me I have to run again, or I can walk, and I consider it a strong testament to my willpower that I pass my minivan 3 times and don't get in it. I passed my comrades multiple times, all of them running. Why am I the only one walking? So I would send a signal to my legs, go, go faster, and they'd be like lift, PLOD, lift, PLOD and my ipod is shuffling constantly because of the jarring, and all of the lawn guys and garage sale ladies are looking at me, because people don't look pretty when they are at death's door. I tried the don't be a wuss speech on myself some more, but then I switched to my internal "I have never exercised in my life" monologue, and shook off the hater inner-speech. I made it. I was last, of course, and I walked a lot of it, but now it's over and I have a whole weekend before I have to do anything like that again.

I called my sister on my way home, sweaty and winded. She was asking me questions, laughing at my jokes, talking about her future plans and her hair, and then I noticed her speech had a little rough cadence to it. " Are you running?" I asked, incredulous. Of course she was. Probably doing a little Sudoku too. Sheesh.