Tuesday, November 1, 2011

marriage advice, but barely

One thing I've learned from being a wife for half my life is how to rhyme, right on time. That's not actually where I was going, but I was totally sidetracked by that wife/life juxtaposition. Unavoidable.

When I think about giving generic marriage advice, I feel all sketchy, because I know that I still have a heck of a lot to learn, like I need to hide the cookies, because then I will avoid exploding in a very minor and short-lived rage upon finding that the one my soul loves has inhaled $3 worth of Oreos in a day. (exaggerations) Hide your snacks, ladies.

But there are some things we've learned and improved, over time. One of the keys to a happy marriage, in our opinion, is to accept the fact that you married a member of the opposite gender, and as such, they will be opposite to you, in many regards. Say what you want, but men and women are different.

So sometime, when your husband is totally not getting the point, and saying things like, "But that's not what I said," take a step back, and remind yourself, he is a man, and his brain is different, and he will very likely never understand that when he said maybe you should go for a jog sometime, he was not saying that you are in fact, disgusting. Even as I type it, it sounds like bull. What else could he be trying to say? Bad example, and not from my real life, exactly.

Or men, when your wife is being totally illogical and not making any sense at all, back up and remember that she is not (stereotypically) wired to operate in a linear fashion. Thank God for her emotions, because if she didn't have them, she never would have been emotionally compromised enough to fall in love with you.

And another thing: there are some things that you will never change. My husband eats cereal in bed. He eats it there because he loves cereal and he loves me, and here we are, all together at last. The fact that I have explained cereal-sounds make me want to puncture my eardrums with a spoon is insignificant to him, so I have learned to put my earbuds in and rock out while he slurps away. Compromise. He has learned that there will be massive teetering piles of books all over our room at all times, and when it gets to him, he makes neater piles, in what he has designated to be book-worthy regions of the room. Whatever.

There are days you won't like each other very much. They will pass. Find a way around the little stuff, and talk through the big stuff. Marriage is worth the work.

There's like a million more things to say, but this is just a blog, not a book, and besides, I'm not really a candidate for Wife of the Year, even though I like my husband a whole lot. Questions? Want some specific advice? Comment, yo.


  1. I am glad it works for you! And I can see clearly how it does, because, while I don't know Richie at all, I think you are the bee's knees. And he is gone a lot anyway.

    I am 60 years old. Which is why I can get away with using phrases like "bee's knees".

    I got married for the first time eight years ago today. It lasted three months. It was clearly not the will of the Father.

    On days like today, when I wax nostalgic, bringing up all the old garbage that I never really got over but say I did so people won't think I am a basket case, and start thinking that life is a fairytale and maybe if we could just talk it out over coffee....(gasping for breath)....I console myself with the sage musical stylings of that great relationship guru, Wierd All Yancovic.

    "I would rather clean all of the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue...than to spend one more minute with you."

  2. hmm-- Jess... I know that Richy and you both realize that neither one of you are perfect and you go with it. Its great. Suzi Homemaker and Ward Cleaver NOT but..... you two are really best friends and you both love GOD and THAT combo works big time.

  3. Freaking hilarious. Love it. Alot. We should meet for coffee. It'd be fun.


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