Tuesday, November 16, 2010

We meet

(Cross-posted at Moral Outcry)

I am sitting in a hotel room with a sleeping newborn. The last 3 days have been such a whirlwind, I can’t think where to begin. So I’ll start with when I met my son in a hallway.

One of the things that plagued me the last few months was the fear of not bonding, not connecting with an adopted baby. What if I saw him and felt nothing? I wondered.

We spent the day in the delivery room with the birthfamily, alternately making conversation and just being. Around 6:30, we decided to grab a sandwich while C (our baby’s mom) slept. By the time we got back with our sandwiches, it was go time. We stood in the hallway, waiting to hear his first cry. And we waited. Finally, the chaos built and then he sang his birth song. Richy and I and Susan, the social worker, were just frozen in the hall, listening to him.

Several minutes later, they whisked him down the hall to the NICU, because he had some issues with his heart that needed to be monitored. We were standing in the hall with his birth grandmas and tried to snap a picture as he passed, when one of his grandmothers called out and stopped the nurses.

To my complete surprise, they stopped everything and put him in my arms. I don’t know if I’m skilled enough to explain what went through my head, my heart in those seconds.
Will I love him?
Oh.
You are mine, and I am yours.

In a span of seconds, my heart was captured. I don’t know how, or what or why God put it together this way. I just know they handed me a stranger and he was my flesh.


9 comments :

  1. So amazing Jessica. I am so proud of your family and happy for you as you have adopting and cared for one of His. I am so happy to hear and see your new baby boy.

    Graci Welch

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  2. You said that really well.

    Thank you for sharing.

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  3. Jessica! I'm in tears. This is so beautiful. Congratulations on the birth of your son. I pray that he's well and strong.
    Anne

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  4. That was a beautiful, amazing post. I love that last line. "I just know they handed me a stranger and he was my flesh." :tears:

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  5. For some reason I'm hopping around your blog and came across this and I am just crying watching it. Just so you know.

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  6. You are such an amazing woman....

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  7. And i wept. And wept. And my heart clenched. We want to adopt. Correction, we WILL adopt. So now i must scrounge over all your entries so i can get a glimpse of what its like.

    Ina

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Jess here: if Blogger gives you problems, just click "Anonymous" and sign your name. Roll with the punches, folks...

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