I forgot that R2 had a nutritionist appointment today. Luckily, I counted on my lameness and had an iCal email alert set up. So this morning I received an email and could thusly plan. Awesome.

The bummer thing is, that in the month or so since we saw Nutrition last, I have not done most of my homework. (sigh) In my defense, Walmart ordered and then lost the supplement she prescribed, and also I have been pretty busy. Also, I am a bum. So that should count for something. Sheesh.

I hate it when I don't do my work. Usually I can be all like, wassup Doc, I NAILED it. but not so much today. Dangit.

In other news, I am taking Brynn on tour. We need to hit the thrift store and find some more rocker clothes, for both of us.

Lame-ish post today, but it's one of those days that I post early and lame or super-late. To make up for its weakness, I will post this video of Toby and Bean dancing on the table. I heard them dancing and clapping, but I was pretty surprised to find them high atop the kitchen table... had my phone in hand, thus the poor quality video.




late breaking addition: how COOL is this?

from http://www.drudgereport.com

Today, I will talk about hair. Because, really, what is more exciting than hair?

I have been growing mine out for a while, because I was experimenting and I thought I could live with it. That lasted until a couple of days ago, when I was watching our podcast and saw this. >> Oh.Heck.No. 

No, no, no.

So I set my heart to get a haircut. So God, who laughs at my plans, had my husband lined up to lead worship every day since we've been home. 

Here's the deal. I have turned into kinda a wuss when it comes to going places with my wee ones. I used to strap Brynn on, put Toby in some kinda wheeled device, and attach R2's hand to said wheeled device, and go everywhere. I was awesome. We'd go to Walmart, and people would literally stop me to tell me how good my kids were, and how amazing I was. Those were the days. 

These days, I tend to hold Brynn into wheeled devices by force and seatbelt while shrieking like a fishwife at Toby to come back before he gets smashed by a cart and I am never taking him anywhere ever again. R2 is in school a lot, but when he's not I am also scrambling to pick up random groceries he has gathered out of our cart and tossed down the aisle for a good joke.  

So no, not so much of the solo anymore. I do still take them to the library, and scan titles frantically while whispering threats. 

(disclaimer: they are still the best kids anywhere. i spend an hour in walmart and 30 minutes at the library with NO fits... just hyperactivity and curiosity) 

This is getting kind of long, but maybe I just feel in the zone a little bit. Probably because I ate fish, which is brain food. 

So anyway, I was planning on taking the babies with me to get my haircut at Great Clips, because I had a coupon for $7.99 and I am a glutton for punishment. I notified the world of this via the internet, like I do for all of my activities in all of my life, and I got a tweet back from my friend Tracie... she wanted to cut my hair. Now, Hannah has volunteered to cut my hair before, but it was more of a joke. Tracie was serious. So I carped the diem. (BTW, if you have not read Tracie's blog, go catch up. They're heroes) I put the babies down for their nap and escaped, leaving the MOG in charge.

It helped to know that Tracie cuts her daughter's hair, and her husband's... because they are rock stars. So I was excited. 

I went over there and showed her my picture of what I always do, but specified I did not want to look like such a mom. (moms are awesome, but they look kind of lame). The end result was really cool. Then I came home and dyed it bright auburn. It can stick up really good if I put stuff in it, too. I think I might get to be in the band now. Maybe a tambourine or something... 

New VIDEO PODCAST IS HERE!! 

TEXAS!! part 1. 

DIRECT DOWNLOAD: 

http://tinyurl.com/cu8pkq 

ITUNES: 

http://tinyurl.com/b4m4zp

I am having a hard time blogging today, because I am sad. Sad makes people uncomfortable. 

I am sad because it is April, and I miss my dad. 

I'm sad because I miss my sons who would be coming up on their 5th birthday in June.

And I am sad because I am freshly grieving R2, and the future.

I talked about this before, about seasons of recognizing old losses and new ones with him. Yesterday I took him to the doctor for his 9 year old checkup (he'll be 10 in June. Oops) and it was just me and him. For most of the time he was in his own world, but when doctors started coming in he came and sat with me and held my arm. For a moment, I knew he needed me, and loved me. Most of the time he is so, so distant.

The appointment was fine. We are going to be referred to an ENT, because he failed a hearing test, (he hears fine, but something is wacky in his ears) and to a neuropsychologist, to try to get a grip on these violent self-injury fits. It was a strange appointment, because it's the first one anyone ever talked about long-term care for him. We plan on him living with us all his life, but it's just a little bit of a fresh blow to hear it again, that he will never be independent, barring a miracle.

So today, my heart is heavy. I'm hurting because life is not perfect, and there is suffering, and pain. Someday everything will be made right. Until then, my spirit will long for Eden. 

Somehow, there is such a beauty in grief. I love, so I hurt. 

Yesterday, every time I started to post, it was time to go somewhere. So it never got done. I deeply apologize for the inconvenience. 

I am in the midst of a fast, and one of the things I'm fasting is TV. So I was very productive Tuesday night when Idol was on, as to avoid the devil box. I decided to wash the carseat covers. 

You may not realize this, but we have toddlers and we go on road trips. This = gross. 

So I spent half of my life figuring out how to get cover #1 off, with all the straps and buckles and little stretchy straps and on and on. Cover #2 was done twice as fast, which was still a few years. 

Then yesterday morning I got them out and hung them on the line, and tried to get dressed to go to the Y. But they weren't dry. So wait, wait, wait. "Are we going to the YNBeeCay? Mommy! I wanna goooooo" and "I wan ged VAN!" "CARseeeee!" and so on. Eventually, the covers were dry. Whew. Now we can get on our way.

Then I began the process of attaching the covers to the seats. 

Why is it that someone- China, perhaps- has it in for American parents? Think of the indestructible plastic packaging that comes with toys. Once you manage to hack through the 3 inch plastic shield, potentially losing digits in the process, then you face the tethers of death- iron twist ties affixed to every 1/2 inch section of the desired object. Is this a communist plot to keep us busy so we don't notice... I digress, but not entirely. 

So the carseats. And I am muttering and jabbing my knuckles here and there and everybody is standing in my lap, very, very concerned. "MY carsee!" and such, and sitting down in it and buckling all the straps together and melting down because that IS not their buckle. (they have the same model with different buttons, I accidentally switched seats and Toby figured it out) 

I have a seat flipped upside down and I am trying to pull the straps through, and Brynn's giant head (genetic) is in the way. Because she wants to see. "I CANd SEE!" 

(sigh)

By the time we got them assembled, it was lunchtime. So we took our coupon and went to Ryan's, instead of the Y. 

I am a bit of a spelling nerd. That is not the same thing as a grammar nerd. Grammar, I don't care so much about. (hee hee... take that, grammar enthusiasts) Like the whole can/may thing. I can but MAY I? Nerds. You know who you are.

Anyway, although I am not one of those... I am a bit of a spelling enthusiast. And while misspelled emails and such don't really bother me, and misspelled text messages are expected, I get pretty annoyed with misspelled billboards. I mean, really. How much did you spend just to put your ignorance up there?

For example, say you Conrovians are driving down the loop (the following will be female directions) AWAY from HEB and toward the Pepsi plant- there is a business in between there somewhere with a big sign hanging on it - advertising EQUIPTMENT. Let's say you head further out towards Midway on 105. Excellance in Childcare, anyone?

(tangent: i went a'googling for misspellings... google "misspelled tattoos" for some entertainment)

All this to say, I was HORRIFIED to find a misspelling right here on my own precious geeky blog! And it has been front and center for MONTHS! HORROR! I deeply apologize to anyone who was offended, and I know it makes you question my validity as a true speller. I hope in time to revive your trust in me.



In other news, I drove for about 7 hours yesterday. We got in around...1 something? 2, maybe? I think I've blocked it out.

This transmission cut off prematurely while I was recording this at midnight, so I'll just catch you up. Awesome, exhausting week of ministry. I am spiritually very refreshed, and physically zonked. So I will have a very healthy spirit whilst I am trying to stay awake to drive to KC. We are driving the big Radiant van back in addition to our minivan, so Richy and Hannah and I will take shifts, although I am the driving wuss and will take plenty of breaks. We plan on leaving in an hour or so, but the MOG sleeps and we still have to pack. So my faith is weak.

That's all for now. I will probably update during the day.

11:08 Conroe, Texas. This is not going well. We should be in KC by 2010.

2:41 pm Dallas ugh

12:02 am finally reunited with the mog after a day of seperate vehicles. (also reunited with the iPhone)
104 miles to KC. We are gonna sleep goooood. Also, hannah Crouse is a road warrior. Revere her.

also, link to Life Siege Houston today

I went on strike yesterday due to the lousy amount of comments my last post collected. Once I figured out that wasn't going to work, either, I decided to come back. I have an obligation to the public.

Sometimes I think about making my blog public, where it would be searchable by Google. I know it would get a lot of readers... but it's just kinda creepy- not my blog, mind you. My blog is rarely creepy. At least, as far as I can tell. I like my life, mostly. Anyways, I always decide that I already have most of my life and my reproductive history on the internet, and that is public enough. So I keep it private. There is that temptation, though, always lurking.

This has been a hard week for me. Are you looking for some introspection, only, about ME? Okay then.

I didn't really calculate what being here on business would look like. But it is very much a business trip.

When we tour, we usually spend a day and a half or so in one city, sometimes only 24 hours. So any friends or family we want to see there come to the concerts, and then sometimes to dinner late late after the concert and that's it... touch base. That's normal for the road and we're used to it. Where it gets challenging is touching base in a city where ALL our family and friends live. Somebody is going to get shafted, no question.

It stresses me out. I HATE it when anyone is mad at me.

So I have been texting and scheming and planning and driving and trying to make it all fit, and not getting it done. And, as I expected, I have made some people mad and hurt some people. Part of me is like, hey, we're AT WORK, give us a break. The other part of me is like i'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorry. Annoying.

So if you got shafted, i'msorry. Also, chill. We're at work.

Blogging from the Core in Houston, Texas... I figured a hi-tech youth ministry like this would have wi-fi, and they did not disappoint. Tonight I think the guys (and Han) are planning on doing a bit of rock and roll- worshipful, of course...
Venues like this, I typically don't plan to sing, since backup vocals are best at a minimum, but we also are hoping to record some good spontaneous stuff. Therefore, I am miked.

Huge, huge setup here tonight- we gave ourselves 3 hours. So I was so glad that Toby and Brynn settled right down for their naps.




They have Segways here. As you can imagine, this is greatly increasing our productivity.