The house search continues... the problem is, for the amount of space we need, we can really only afford a crackhouse. Living in a crackhouse might not be so bad if we didn't have kids.... Of course, if we didn't have kids, then we could live in a 1 bedroom. That would stink, though.We like our kids. And Daniel. So, what to do...

Well, we're thinking about buying a house. Now for most of you, you're like, "Well, DUH." A little harsh of you, I think. So what if we're 30 and 31! We've never bought a house before, and it is scary as heck. (As I was writing that, I realized that most of my side of the family have also never bought a house, in keeping with our gypsy roots) It's frightening to sign something that says, "Oh, sure, what the heck! I'll pay for this for the next 30 years!"

But man... there are some cool places for what we would be able to pay in rent. I asked the Realtor for a 17 bedroom... she laughed. Huh.

A safeguard in buying here is the jillions of people that are always looking for temporary housing at IHOP. If and when we came back to Texas, it would be easy to rent out.

In other news, we're having a party here tomorrow night. I will panic in a minute about how dirty everything is. But for now, I sit in blissful ignorance, in front of my beloved MacMini.

So, once again I am searching for a house. I need a big house. I want a mansion, actually. I love those houses in books, with like, 17 bedrooms and wings and servant's quarters. That's what I want, for cheap. Realistic, no?

For the next month or two, we'll be staying here, in this 3 bedroom... while we look. When we moved in, there were 5 of us. As of January, thanks to the welcome addition of 2 radiants, we will be 7. And then I want to start our adoption process... we need more room!

So, I look. There are actually lots of 4 bedrooms with basements in our price range... thank you, midwest. Unfortunately, they are all far from where we need to be, or seriously scary.

Surely there is some 100 year old house with hardwood floors and a jillion bedrooms that just needs a little tlc. It would be easier to buy, probably. But we don't want to buy.... we are too mobile to be stuck with a house.

Oh, and maybe you want to see the cuteness of the school picture. I thought so.

Back in the saddle

---

Exciting developments around here... we have started a new website, geared at informing supporters and enemies of what we're up to...
So, what are we up to, anyway?

Well. I will be doing what I always do, which is a lot of diapers... it's our hope to add one more diaper-wearer to the bunch in 2009... through adoption! I am also helping to start a ministry to special needs children and their families out of our local congregation here, and eventually through the whole International House of Prayer (IHOP).

Richy will continue to lead worship and tour with Radiant, and he will also be joining staff at the IHOP. He will also be planning and leading tours for the Call - with Radiant! So we are super excited about getting to be a part of all that is going on around here. We are in the process of raising financial support for 2009.

This is something I rarely talk about on my blog, I never want anyone to feel like I am going to take an offering at some random time. But I do want to explain why we raise support.

We make it our goal to be available to God... Radiant often plays at churches that could never afford a "big-name" worship leader, and we frequently break even after tours. In other words, no real financial profit. If we didn't believe our "work" has profit in another realm, it would seem wasted. We know it is never wasted.

So that's it. We give our time and our hearts and our lives to doing ministry. When you give to us, you are allowing us to give ourselves fully to this calling. Your support check does not cover the insurance on our yacht. It pays for rent, and groceries, and shoes... So we are asking for new and old financial supporters to join us in 2009.

If you want to send us as missionaries to America, sign up at support @ richyandjessica.com.

It's a snow day... lucky for R2 because I was going to make him go back to school starting today.

On Sunday, I told him he would be going back to school on Monday. He started getting stressed out, and then after a while he came over to me and pointed... now, he doesn't talk much. But he pointed at me and said sternly, "Not going to school. NEVER AGAIN!" Then he shook his finger at me, "NEVER AGAIN!!"

Poor kid. I know he's traumatized from having to go through a seizure at school, but his ultimatum was still pretty funny. So we decided to keep him out another day. I tried to warm him up to the idea of going back all day yesterday, and he was getting less afraid... so I was going to go up with him today for an hour and see how he did. But, lucky for him, it snowed. A lot.

I thought I would use my platform today to talk about what happened, and how I feel. I know the family wants to know... I've been getting your messages, just not up to talking on the phone. So.

Thursday, I had just settled in with my Kleenex Price Chopper Tissue and my book and I was getting ready for a long grumpy day on the couch... I was just sitting down when the phone rang. It was Richy's teacher, and he was having a seizure at school.

The thing is, even when you know it might be coming, you're never ready for it.

So I texted Richy while I was putting on real pants and finding shoes and throwing snotty shoeless babies in their carseats... he met us at the school with Daniel, who stayed with the babies. So we went in and he was laying on the gurney with an oxygen mask, paramedics and firemen all around. Really. Firemen? Anyways.

Once the crisis has begun, I am very calm. I feel almost no emotion until several hours after we're "safe". Richy and I joke with the EMTs, make a plan, follow the ambulance to the hospital. At the hospital, he is only breathing 4 times a minute. I absorb this and feel nothing. I just wait. They intubate him and finally we're allowed in... he is unconscious, as always after a seizure... they have him heavily sedated. I wait in the corner and answer stupid questions like do I feel safe in my home and I wait.

I am given a bag of his clothes. The first emotion I feel is a sick sadness that they have cut his blue sweater in half.

Once he's stable, we're transferred up to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. We aren't allowed in for a long time, so we use the computer in the waiting area to update my blog and our twitters and facebooks. I don't answer my phone. I don't know what's happening and I don't have any answers.

Once we get in, he is waking up and we are trying to get them to knock him out one more time before he realizes he's intubated and panics. We're too late. He wakes up while we're standing there and the room floods with nurses trying to hold him down until they can get authorization to take out the breathing tube. He gets one free hand and yanks out the tube in his nose. They are surprised at how strong he is. I'm not. Finally he is extubated and he falls asleep for a minute, then wakes up and cries.

I am sick and sad and almost angry... and helpless.

Once the tube is out, he starts recovering. So we'll fast forward through another day of trying to make sure he's recovering and waiting and waiting until finally we are sick of it and I silence his monitors and unhook him from everything. He scrambles off the bed for the first time since we got there, and wobbles out into the hall to look at the Christmas tree we could see through his window. Evidently, it had been on his mind for a while when he was tethered. We are spotted and all the nurses think it's funny that I cut him loose. They bring the discharge paperwork right over.

Over the weekend, we all tried to recover. Lot of naps and temper tantrums for him, and I cried a few times... when it's all over and you know you dodged another bullet, it can get so heavy.

So, how do I feel now? Frustrated and relieved and a little sad and thankful. Okay. I am okay.

6 pm
We're home now, and Richy is acting pretty normal... a little emotional, but that's understandable. Thank you all for praying! There was great grace for us!!

1:45 pm


7:30 am

nice screenshot there. Thanks, Blogger.

I will be posting updates and such throughout the day. Currently we are waiting results from this morning's chest x-ray and doctors rounds.


I will actually do a little more story-recounting once we're out of here, so I'm working with more info.

Last night, I stayed with Richy till 10 or so, watching Toy Story and force-feeding him macaroni. When the movie was over I talked him into going to sleep. Then I headed on down the hall to the Ronald McDonald House, which is in the same building just a couple of halls away. Have you ever seen those donation boxes in front of the registers at McDonald's? Those are for places like the RM room that I stayed in last night.

We ate lunch in there yesterday. Normally, you have that whole my-kid-is-sick hospital suck, and in addition to that you have $10+ parking a day, and then an average of $7 per parent per meal in a hospital cafeteria... plus random other expenses that show up in a crisis. Nothing like gouging people in need.

But amazingly, we got to go over to the RM room and eat chicken breast and steamed veggies and such- for free! And then I got a sleeping room (like a mini hotel room) and use of the showers and so on... it is such a blessing to have a little respite spot during this kind of stuff. SO if you see one of those boxes, throw some change in there. I know I will be.

8:45 pm

5:10 pm
R2 is waking up a little bit after sleeping for a couple of hours. He's groggy and unhappy, I'm sure his throat hurts from having been intubated and he still has an IV... hard to get comfortable.
They are running some tests to see if he's sick, he has a little fever, which is probably what triggered the seizure. So we're staying tonight and then hopefully tomorrow we can go home.

2:13 pm
Never mind on that whole plan thing... we are now in the hospital with R2 after hada seizure at school. He actually seems to be worse off from the treatment than the seizure, so we're just waiting and trying to get them to extubate him and un-sedate him so we can see how he's doing.


10:30 am

On the agenda:

Sneezing

Hacking

Griping

Repeat, ad infinitum

This morning we had an appointment with the ocular prosthetic doctor. (Heretofore known as the "eye doctor")

Now, this guy's office is 20 minutes away. I, being directionally challenged, always resort to GoogleMaps (heretofore known as ^%$#!!) as my guide.

What I fail to understand is how I, as a person of potentially above average intelligence, could not find my way out of a wet paper bag. (North! Go North! my husband shouts, like that means something to me) So I take my little map and I memorize it, and then I drive somewhere else.

In my defense, Kansas City has too many freeways, all crowded up together. I get on and immediately am faced with 71 and 50 and 435 and 470 and on and on. And they split off everywhere.

I was very proud of skipping my usual first mistake today, and beginning on the right freeway. This according to my *^&%$, should last about 3 minutes before I merge onto the next one. Or 15 minutes, if you are supposed to be reading the text under the direction. So I, trying to just be reasonable, stay on. I then end up, 15 minutes later, at the end of the universe.

I call the MOG, who was in a top secret high level meeting and tell him I'm lost. He and his top level secret friend Randy kinda snicker at where I am now.

I turn around, and decide I should have done what I planned on doing this morning. I pick up the phone and cancel the appointment, for two reasons. 1) I am hopelessly lost and might not ever get there, and 2)Toby and Brynn are hacking like tiny blue-eyed smokers. Home and cough medicine, that becomes the new plan.

Next time, someone else in my family is driving.

Okay, so I'm staying in Kansas City. One of the reasons I'm pretty flip about it is... we have been agonizing and planning and praying for months now about the next step. And, if you've ever been in the middle of transition, you know how miserable that is. So, deciding to stay- even though it includes loss- is a relief!

Do I think we will come back to Texas eventually? Yes! Of course! I just know that we have to quit putting time limits on what God has for us to do.

But for now- however long now is- I'm going to quit being in transition and plug in.

Those of you who have known me for a long time know that Jessica Pre-Twins was drastically different than Jessica Post-Twins. I kinda feel like I'm getting me back.

I am waking up. Those who have been under the blanket of grief understand what I mean. I am enjoying life. I am laughing SO much... my heart is awake and I am ready to love God and love people again. And this city, this place of prayer has been so healing to me. I hardly ever even go to the "Prayer Room", but just being here in this community has brought me so much peace.

As to what did I mean when I said we were getting a chance to "do stuff" here? Well, there are some practical ways we are going to be helping the Call and IHOP... and we're still figuring out exactly what those jobs will entail. I will always keep you, the bloggerati, informed.

I know some people in Texas are disappointed, and there is no worse feeling for me than knowing people are unhappy because of something I've done. The thing is, we are solidly in God's will right now. Exactly where we are supposed to be. So it is bittersweet, knowing that I am leaving home... but so rich to jump into destiny.

So, by now you may have heard the rumor that the Clarks are staying in Kansas City. Not a rumor, folks... it's da troof.

What is this? you may be crying, as you rend your garments. Cut that out. Nobody wants to see in your rended garments. I'll splain.

Originally when we came to KC, we planned for a year, although most of our family types said yeah right and we would never come back and such. One family member strongly suggested we stay gone. Something about the door, and a butt... I don't remember the exact turn of phrase.

When we left, and all along, we have known that our time might be extended... that wacky God and his shenanigans.

So we've been deciding whether to come back to Texas in 2009 or stay in KC... and through a series of prophetic happenings, as well as open doors for both of us to "do stuff" here, we decided to stay. This time, we feel a little wary of saying when we'll be back. Could be a year, or I could have grandkids in Missouri. We're calling it "indefinitely".

The thing is, our families and half of our band is (are?) in Texas. So we'll be around quite a bit. Plus, we are not so intimidated by a 12 hour drive... wusses.

So you'll still see me, especially if you hang around Mexican restaurants at the holidays.

We're excited about the things we're going to be doing, being involved with the Call, and adoption, and helping set up a special needs ministry... lots going on!

Plus, it's snowing. I'm bout to bust out the Christmas spirit with a vengeance. Stay tuned.