Evan and Rees, ten years

My twins' birthday is today. They would be 10, and I miss them with an ache that has almost faded beyond pain. I miss them like I am missing a part of myself, and the wound has healed, but there is a wound, and a lack. I see them in the awkward lankiness of R2, in the blonde hair and quirky mannerisms of Toby... I see them in 10 year olds that ride past my house on their bicycles.

I'm thankful for the glimpses, thankful that they have not slipped into a not-really-there place for me. They are real, they are alive somewhere, and they are irrevocably mine. I am thankful. 

I wrote this for them last year: 

How many? they ask

and I hold you in my mind

like a dream, like a secret prize

In the shadows of my heart

you age

through a veil, through a glass

you are alive

my daydreams keep time

losing teeth, climbing trees, sweaty sleeping blonde heads

always with me

in the shadows of my heart

And I am so rich

with my arms overflowing

laughter all around me

laughter in me

but always 

hearing

the laughter beyond me