Saturday, June 7, 2014

Evan and Rees, ten years

1 comment:
My twins' birthday is today. They would be 10, and I miss them with an ache that has almost faded beyond pain. I miss them like I am missing a part of myself, and the wound has healed, but there is a wound, and a lack. I see them in the awkward lankiness of R2, in the blonde hair and quirky mannerisms of Toby... I see them in 10 year olds that ride past my house on their bicycles.

I'm thankful for the glimpses, thankful that they have not slipped into a not-really-there place for me. They are real, they are alive somewhere, and they are irrevocably mine. I am thankful. 

I wrote this for them last year: 

How many? they ask
and I hold you in my mind
like a dream, like a secret prize
In the shadows of my heart
you age
through a veil, through a glass
you are alive
my daydreams keep time
losing teeth, climbing trees, sweaty sleeping blonde heads
always with me
in the shadows of my heart
And I am so rich
with my arms overflowing
laughter all around me
laughter in me
but always 
the laughter beyond me

1 comment:

  1. I am so, so thankful that you write about your precious twin boys. I always read with tears and thankfulness that though no one should have to know what this feels like, I am not the only one. Thank you for speaking about what is so often kept silent. I am still waiting for the ache (only one year old now) to get less painful...your words help me envision what it might feel like in 10 years.


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