Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Your marriage is boring

Dating is complicated sometimes. I mean, I'm sure it's complicated for you single people, too. I was never single so I don't know. My life went like childhood, girl meets boy, girl's parents sign consent at the courthouse, girl and boy live busily ever after. So, I don't have advice for you today. I have tons of advice, in fact, one of my most popular posts is about dating. But not today, try to stay focused.

Once you're married for a while, there aren't a lot of surprises. In fact, surprises after 10 years or so are typically not good surprises, so being in the know, that's a good thing. But you know, you've told all the good stories years ago. And movies don't help, because they always portray "bad dates" as the ones where the guy slurps spaghetti or the woman is griping about her shoes the whole time, and silence at dinner in a movie is always like 2 DVD skips away from adultery and divorce, so you start to worry.

The thing is, maybe before that you were relatively happy with conversation like, "Hey, remember yesterday when that Coke exploded in the kitchen?" and he's like "Yeah. That was crazy." and then you just eat chips and sort of hang out. But then you start to worry, hey, are we bored with each other? Why don't we have witty conversations and butterflies? Hollywood, you are creating a monster.

You're writing the story, you're living the story, I have to remind myself. Some days will be dreamy and butterflies and most days will be living comfortably and uncomfortably with someone who is part of you. Marriage is work, it's hard and it's a continual decentralization. It's also a partnership and a friendship. It will never be perfect, but it can be really good and deeply satisfying, much more than moonlight and hookups and "magic". Living together, cleaning the toothpaste out of the sink, changing diapers, holding hands at a gravesite, dancing awkwardly and briefly at a wedding, slamming a door, hanging up and calling back to apologize, days and days and days of the mundane; we are living precious history.

So go on a date with the person you picked, or the person your tribal leader picked or whatever, and talk about the kids and the weather and don't worry about being  witty or original or lame or boring. Real life is all of it. We get to live life together, and that  is magic.


  1. First, the redesign of the blog looks great. Maybe you changed it a while ago and I'm revealing how long it's been since I visited, but... it looks great.

    Second, this post is great. I'm inspired. 'Course, I need to get through the single part first to get to the "we are living precious history" part, but I'm inspired and excited.

  2. Love is vomit on your shirt. It's not that love is like vomit, but that love will keep coming back even when it puts vomit on your shirt.

  3. Beautifully worded. continue on in the mundane magic and so will we.


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