If you think I got beaned in the head directly at the start of this video, you are correct. I have a whole meaningful blog I'd like to write about Toby's hyperactivity bringing up painful memories of my young childhood, but the rock and roll is blaring and I can't focus.

So this is what you get :)

CD Release concert tonight! Freedom Fellowship in Magnolia TX! Come and buy the new CD- it's our best yet!!

First, a disclaimer: I am writing this story serial-style, and not trying to write a masterpiece, or even write RIGHT. This is "eest for fun".

All the previous parts of the story are on the sidebar, under "Telenova". You should read it all.

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We sat there squished on the couch for a minute till I couldn’t take it no more, and I jumped up and scooted over to the railing. “I gotta check on the baby,” I said, kinda to the air. “Anybody want some tea?” I was inside before I could hear them answer. I stood in the dining room for a minute before I remembered what I was doing. Lil Hank was sound asleep in his high chair, with macaroni stuck all over his face. Well, good. He could sleep there for a little.

I came back out to the porch and caught the tail end of some kinda muttered threats from Hank Jr. to the lawyer fella, who appeared to be ignoring Hank Jr.. I wanted to tell him good luck with that. I figured out years ago that ignoring Hank Jr. won’t make him go away. Only thing makes Hank Jr. go away is the police, and it has to be one of the police that ain’t his drinkin buddies, which narrows it down considerably.

The lawyer fella (Gregory) started in with a buncha gobbledy-gook. I interrupted him, “Look. You and me both know I don’t know what you’re talking about. Just give it to me straight.” He glanced up for a second and I forgot to breathe. What in the world had got into me? Hank Jr. cleared his throat real hard and kinda kicked at the porch rail.

Gregory looked at his papers again, kinda wistful-like and then put them back in his briefcase. “Okay, then, Jennifer…

Hank snorted. I give him one of them looks and he sat up straight.

“I was hired by your father.”

Hank Jr. stood up then and cussed. “She don’t want nothing to do with him! Lousy no-good-“

I happened to be standing my ownself so I got up close as I could to Hank Jr.’s face and told him I would handle this.

“Well, uh, Jenny.” he muttered. “Your daddy run off and last thing I heard he was in jail, and…” he kinda trailed off.

I was just tryin to handle having a father at all. Me and Jimmy had been our own for so long, and I just quit thinking about him after a while, so this was a shock. I wondered if he was dead. If Mama’s wishin coulda done it, he’da been dead years ago. I never really knew him, so I was surprised that my heart kinda hurt at the thought of him dyin.

I guess Gregory read my mind or my face or something, cause he chimed in there and said he was still alive, but not for long. He was sick, real sick and he wanted to meet me and Jimmy before he died. Seems there was some property involved, and a inheritance, but we had to come and see him first.

Once Gregory finished his explanation, we just sat there quiet for a minute. I thought about the big man in the flannel shirt, always mad, always leaving. I thought about my mama, all alone and cryin. I thought about Grandma tryin to teach Jimmy how to change a tire. I thought about it all, and then I got mad.

“Don’t guess I’ll see him.” I told the lawyer. “Guess he can take his money to hell with him.” And with that I went back inside, to my own house, and my own baby, and shut the door.

I took R2 to the ENT today. Back when we made the appointment, we knew he was having constant ear infections and his tonsils looked problematic. By the time we actually HAD the appointment, he'd had his sleep study and we knew for sure he would need his tonsils and adenoids removed, and probably tubes in his ears. So basically today I just nodded and smiled and signed stuff that I already agreed to and such. Did I tell you guys about his sleep study? He stops breathing 38 times an hour. Every single time, he wakes up. So he is not sleeping at all. Plus, with having 4 or more ear infections a year, with an average of 2 months for the fluid to drain and normal hearing to return. So he's hearing poorly for an average of 8 months out of the year. No wonder he's grumpy. He has a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy scheduled for mid-November, and we added the tubes to that.

In other news, today during Toby's "quiet time" he found my computer, went into my facebook and recorded and posted 2 videos of himself. I think I have a busy 16 years ahead of me.

We leave tomorrow for Texas. Today we bought snacks galore, in an attempt to save money otherwise spent on gas station snacks. I doubt my own theory. I hope to come up with some more fiction tonight... I have several tracks this could take but I am undecided.

We leave for tour on Friday morning. The week before a tour, I try to use all the groceries, finish all the laundry, pick up all prescriptions, and then rid the house of trash and anything else that would make the house stink after weeks. So far, I have used almost all the groceries.

The only problem is, we don't leave till Friday. We do have eggs and cheese, and according to the primary voices of my childhood, that is plenty. The laundry is 75% done, and if people would stop wiping peanut butter on everything, it will be done completely prior to our trip. We like to get the house clean before we leave, so we have lots of room to throw giant bags of shoes, toys and half-masticated Cheetos from the van as soon as we get back..

In other news, I will be 31 this week. I will use this opportunity to refer you back to my Proverbs 31 post, which I like a lot. I am confident that by the end of this year, I will have the "virtuous wife" gig in the bag. Stay tuned!

Now, call me a maverick, but I like to have a party every year for my birthday. Some people think that once you hit puberty, you should knock it off with the birthday idea and just have a nice quiet dinner and maybe some cake. Okay, I will do that too. Still. You can take the girl outta the party but you can't take the party outta the girl... So! I will be having a birthday party at Julie D's house on Saturday at 5. Texas pals are invited. It might be our only chance to catch up with you prior to hitting the West Coast, so come on over.

In other, other news, Richy will be preaching at CTK Sunday morning and then we have a CD release concert Monday night at Freedom Fellowship. The new CD is amazing. I might be biased, but I'm not wrong. You can download a free track here: or on iTunes here . Go get it!

The full tour itinerary is on facebook.

And that's it for today. Your mom is random.

Toby has been a genius for a while now. He started officially reading a few weeks ago, (he's 3) and then I had the bright idea to write things down for him to read. It amuses both of us. Cons: he can spell. So no more code talking in the van, he knows all.
Pros: I can torment Daniel without using my own voice.

Part one

Part two

Part three

Part four

Part five

Part six

Part seven

Part eight

Part nine

Part ten

It wasn’t like I never held a beautiful man at gunpoint before. I have threatened to kill Hank Jr, for years. One night, he snuck in my window and I hit him with a baseball bat. Knocked him right out into the bushes. I didn’t think he was a burglar, I just didn’t think he had no business coming in my window like he owned the place. He learned him a lesson, come back later that night and knocked on the window, like a gentleman. Also, on more than one occasion I have threatened my brother Jimmy’s life, for various things, like bringing home that no-good Candy, or taking money out of the freezer. So it ain’t like I’m unfamiliar with holdin men accountable to good behavior. This was just the first time with a stranger, who also just happened to look like he was from a magazine.

He took a good step back and his eyes were big like some Disney prince. I was so shook up, I just closed the door in his gorgeous face and put the gun down. Then I opened it up again, real calm-like.

“Can I help you?” I asked him.

He swallowed kinda hard and sorta lifted up his little briefcase thingy. “I represent the law firm of Kensington and Burns-“ he started.

“Oh. Hang on.” I glanced in the dining room real quick, but Jimmy was long gone, just like I figured. We don’t have another door, so he musta jumped out the window. Dadgum idiot. I turned back around and got hit by another wave of appreciation for such a fine specimen of humanity. “Jimmy’s gone. Just leave your warrants or subpoenas or what have you and I’ll try to catch him when he’s real drunk.”

He looked surprised for a split second and then held up a stack of papers. “Actually, Jennifer. It is Jennifer, right?”

My name is Jennifer, but I sure as shootin have never heard it sound so pretty. I just stood there kinda stupid for a minute.

“Her name’s Jenny,” a voice from the yard said. “Only folks call her Jennifer are crooks and lawyers and such.”

That just made me mad. “Listen here, Hank Jr., you mangy ol jailbird. You the last person oughta be talking free about crooks.”

“All I’m sayin is, you ain’t done nothing wrong and you don’t have to talk to this son of a –“

“That’ll do, Hank! I can talk to anybody I want to! And you’re the last person oughta be talking about sons of-“

The lawyer fellow interrupted real quick, “Listen- Jennifer. You aren’t in any kind of trouble. I have some official documents here that I would like to discuss with you.”

I tell you what, I’s ready to discuss just about anything with him, any ol time. I was just about to invite him in when Hank Jr. come up the steps like it was his house and parks hisself right on the porch couch. Of all the nerve. I turned on him and was about to tell him where to go when he looks up at me with kinda a pleading expression and threw me off a bit. I sat down kinda heavy on the couch, and that lawyer fella kinda slid in on the other side of me.

I didn’t know how I was gonna understand any kinda document anywhere, with my senses all rattled by a movie star in a suit and a heartbreaking no good country boy squishin me into a sandwich of confusion. Good Lord.

I left for three hours today, and spent most of it in my favorite thrift store in all of the world. I tried on a LOT of jeans, which is almost as fun as giving myself a root canal, and bought a bunch of costumes for the little people. I did find one pair of jeans a couple of shirts, too. Sometimes the thrill of getting a $20 shirt for a buck just makes me SO giddy.

Do you remember when I talked about white pants? I tried to break the cycle the other day and put a pair of sparkling white capris on Brynn. She made it almost an hour before she dropped a bowl of ketchup on them. My daughter, y'all. Or maybe I just eat like a 2 year old. Either way.

I am full of inspiration today in regards to the beautification of my house. The problem is, it hardly ever makes it out of the ol' cranium into the actual house. I have done some stuff. But right now I feel the urge to write down, room to room, what I want it to look like, so that when the inspiration passes and all I can think of is more hampers, I will have some better ideas.

Toby starts soccer tonight. It's soccer for 3 and 4 year olds, so I imagine it will primarily be running into each other and screaming, but hey! I'm pretty stoked about it.

Don't you have another kid? maybe you're saying. Yes, yes I do. And he has an ear infection and a bad attitude and he would really prefer not to have his picture taken.

I owe you a fiction segment. Well, aren't you entitled? I'll get to it... I got too much ketchin up to do first.

Well, to begin with, now that the horror has worn off, I will tell you the condensed version. One night on the family tour, while the adults were congregating with decks of cards and such, Toby sneaked out of the room he was sleeping in... (mind you, this is someone's HOUSE) and went in the playroom and dumped out all of the toys in all of the world and then accidentally knocked over the fish tank and very quickly snuffed out Beatty the Betta's life. In interviews the next morning, the perp said, "I just hode that fish in my hand and then he jist git BLACK and then I dropped him in the clothes." Days later, his testimony proved true when the decaying fish corpse was discovered in the Lightning McQueen clothes hamper. ((sigh))

In other news, the MOG went out of town this weekend and as a result, R2 got full body hives and an ear infection. You don't see the connection? Ah. Well, still. I think I should have the afternoon off to browse my favorite thrift store for hours and hours, alone.

Also, if at some point I just go nuts and start spraying passers-by with bullets, you can tell the hometown paper that I just had my toothbrush hijacked one too many times. Today, I am going to buy the gaudiest, pink, flowered toothbrush with feathers and bells and then I am going to tape a big sign on the handle that says, DEAR RICHY. THIS IS NOT YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. WALK 10 FEET TO YOUR SUITCASE AND GET YOURS. LOVE, YOUR GIVING WIFE. XOXO

6:55 am here in good ol' Music City. There was talk of leaving at 7, but the MOG is still sawing logs. I lie. Actually, he is laying very still with his eyes closed, hoping that someone else will go outside to the van, collect his coffee, bring it in and do the honors. Too bad I'm not a coffee drinker or the nurturing type.

If we leave momentarily as planned, we will be back in KC by late afternoon, which sounds all great and easy but it is still 8+ hours of driving...

In reflection, this trip was a bit of a tour-readiness check for the wee ones. #FAIL.

Let me say, they are great at being toddlers, and pretty amazing in their ability to travel for days and days - and as long as the van is moving, everyone is pretty happy. They only melt down/draw on walls/kill fish when the van is stopped. In even further reflection, Toby did all those things.

So, maybe another year of growth and development is needed. Of course, by then Bean will be three. Heaven Help us.