writing a book, or, more accurately, sleeping
I hope you people miss me. I miss myself. In the last 8 years or so, I have used this space to decompress...
+Sunday, December 29, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
35 things I know, I think
I decided to do one of those whattyacallits today, where I say a list that parallels my age about things I've learned. I've...
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Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Flugate: mommy kills all her friends
One of the things about getting married before your growth plates close is, you don't have much grownup training. My parents spent the...
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Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Tristan is three
i remember waiting for you so foreign so emotional for my joy to be their loss and then they handed you to me...
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Thursday, November 7, 2013
the 6-year day
There is a myth that children move quickly. The reality is, children only move quickly when they don't want you to catch them....
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Wednesday, November 6, 2013
cyber-grace: taking a second look
(Disclaimer: this is a serious one. I never write things like this based on one thought, and it probably wasn't anything you did that...
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Tuesday, November 5, 2013
knock knock: mom's rage
We go to the airport sometimes, because my husband is always running off. He says he goes places to preach and sing, but...
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Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Mama saves the bleepity-bleep cat
I think the time was around 3 pm. I had stolen away to my room for a lunch break, as I am prone...
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Saturday, October 26, 2013
the boat did not sink
I'm afraid of plenty of things. "There is no fear in love!" says you, super spiritual guy, and I'm all like "But I...
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Monday, October 14, 2013
the arts, or more about me, maybe.
I didn't do a lot of extracurricular activities as a kid. I went to school and I did my time with all the...
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Thursday, October 10, 2013
back in the saddle (briefly)
This might be the longest break I've taken from writing in almost 8 years. I didn't do it on purpose, I just quit...
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Friday, September 20, 2013
water, water, neverywhere
The ol' MOG doesn't travel as much, these days. Used to be he'd take off for 2 or 3 weeks and I'd hold...
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Tuesday, September 17, 2013
on bucket lists and failing
Sometimes I try to think about my bucket list, but the accountability is so stressful. "Write a book" I put on my not-bucket-list,...
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Monday, September 9, 2013
(partial) day in the life of Tristan
I documented pieces of Tristan's day today. I didn't get much of the morning because my brain doesn't think of ideas till lunchtime....
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Thursday, September 5, 2013
Recently I revolutionized the fitness industry with this groundbreaking post, which will no doubt be a bestselling book series within the month. My sister is some kind of fitness guru, and she was just speechless with awe after reading my take. I'd like to follow that up now with some more advice, because this thing might be a cash cow, and I am full of Let me talk to you about dieting. Maybe you've tried the all-watermelon-rind and grapefruit diet, or the Ramadan diet where you pray five times a day and only eat after sundown, or the Kate Moss diet where you do cocaine and don't eat, I mean, haven't we all? The shared element with all diets is hunger. "No, no," you say, "Cabbage totally fills me up!" and to that I say, "Thanks, but I do not wish to take the unbelievable opportunity to make thousands of dollars a day selling cabbage from my home," as you shake your head at me in disbelief.
1. The Rule of Buttoning
If your jeans fit, you're good. Even if it seems like there's kind of a lot of extra skin hanging out over the edge like some kind of rubbery Niagra Falls over a denim dam, if they zip and button or snap or if the elastic holds, they fit. Diet unnecessary. Well done.
2. Start Day
Diets can only begin on Mondays or on the 1st of a month. Maybe it's Wednesday when you think of it, but that week is already half over and frankly, you have already really blown it. Might as well wrap it up with a binge and then take the week by the horns. Later. If you forget about the diet and have 4 doughnuts and a chocolate milk for breakfast the next Monday, don't beat yourself up. You have plenty of time to pick it back up, the next week, assuming your arteries can take a chill pill. Like nitroglycerin, for example. Monday. Or November. No judging, judging causes cellulite.
3. Cheat Day
Many diets have a built-in escape valve where, for one glorious day of 7, you're permitted to eat more of the things you have already been sneaking during the week. Some trainers say to go crazy on your cheat day and just overdo it, because then you'll be like, "Ohhhh, I hate guacamole now, I never want to eat it again," but we both know you would have to die from guacamole to shut it down, and even then you know you'd be like, "Hey, Jesus! Point me toward the avocados." I like to ascribe to a system my sisters call "Chronic Reward Syndrome" which means every good deed is rewardable. Ate lettuce? Go you! Have a cookie. You earned it. Like that. So it's more like cheat moments, which probably add up to less than a day when it's all tabulated, assuming you're a tabulator.4. The Salad Rule
It's very simple. Salad is healthy. Everyone should eat more salad. The magic thing about salad is it remains healthy, no matter what you add to it. Velveeta? Bacon? Fried chicken? Fried Twinkies? Hall pass! Have your salad and then go pull on your stretchy pants and pat yourself on the back rolls.
5. Dessert
Eat dessert in bed very, very late at night. Your metabolism has all night to deal with it.
6. Analysis
If your diet starts to stress you out, might be time to pursue other options. Like cabbage, for example. Hit me up for information about the unbelievable health benefits of cabbage and how YOU can benefit!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
lamentations of the laundress
When the laundry is made clean, then the people are blinded. "Where are my socks?" they ask, even though their very socks are...
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Monday, September 2, 2013
faithful tides, vlogging and marine humor
Well, well, well. That intro reminds me of an awesome graphic, brb. Unattributed b/c I can't find a source I know. You're welcome....
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Wednesday, August 28, 2013
fitness tips from an EXPERT
Many of you know I recently made a foray into fitness. It lasted for a few weeks, as many of my forays do....
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Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
Let me explain parenting
When you have an abnormal kid, normal kids always seem weird, with their normalness. Not that any kid is normal, per se. Most...
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Tuesday, August 13, 2013
through the valley: R2's video
Most of you have followed our story and laughed and cried and PRAYED with us as R2 got very sick and then had...
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Friday, August 9, 2013
Never mind, I'll just read your diary
It's not like I want to install a hidden camera in my child's backpack or shirt or something. But now that I think...
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Thursday, August 8, 2013
Toby and the Fall
"In the 22nd century," Toby tells me, "we will probably have time travel working. If I'm alive, I'm gonna go back to Year...
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Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
the devil, he loves that math
It's not like I go around all the time thinking how smart I am. I don't. Most of the time I am thinking...
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Monday, August 5, 2013
adios, summer
Well, the Best Summer Ever is over. Until next year, anyway. I dropped Toby and Brynn off at their school today and later...
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Sunday, August 4, 2013
Faithful Tides
Hey, bloggerati! Watch this promo video for the MOG's new album. I'm gonna talk more about this when the album "drops", which is...
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Tuesday, July 30, 2013
an open letter to the future, complaint dept.
I don't think I have a lot of pet peeves. Maybe the MOG would argue, but that's just because he is the recipient...
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