but you need to know about this:
Monday, June 11, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Taking 40 days to fast media and pray for the nation, but mostly to pray for myself. As I go, so goes the nation.
Anyhoo, see ya in July!
GO TO THE CALL!!!!
and new pics on CFP
Anyhoo, see ya in July!
GO TO THE CALL!!!!
and new pics on CFP
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Do good things really come to those who wait?
This depends on what you’re waiting for. If, for example, you are in line for a lobotomy, the “goodness” of said lobotomy is debatable. Or perhaps one is waiting in line for the lavatory at a Flying J. Wait if you will, gentle reader…. it won't be good.
What did Jesus really mean when he said we must become as children to enter the kingdom?
Wondering Wafer
According to my research, Jesus Carlos Menendez was referring to the 48” height limit on “Señor Jose’s Kingdom ‘o’ Fun”, due to the low ceilings.
georgia said...
If Toby is at the back door and he is traveling at an amazing 3mph with a whole piece of toast with jelly on it, and R2 is coming down the stairs heading to the front door at 1 mph and wearing a sombrero and talking about his shoes, At what point will impact take place and what will exactly happen to the toast. What exactly will be the outcome?
[shudder]
The known element is that the toast will land, jelly side down, on the carpet. This would be the case, even if Toby were eating his toast outdoors. In the scenario you mention, Toby would surrender the toast, quickly make his way up the stairs, remove his brother’s sombrero, put it on his head, fall down the remaining stairs into the toast, further embedding it into the carpet, and then proceed to sit on the remnants with the jelly smeared sombero and wail as Richy continued to make his way down the stairs.
josharoo said...
I am curious of (or at least want to laugh at) Smartypants’ advice to the following: What is the best way to get ahead at work?
Informing him (or her) that you are just looking for laughs is probably not the best approach, my dear reader.
What is the best way to get a promotion?
Dr. Vinny “the Shark” Tortellini, (Doctor of Philosophy, Harvard University) suggested to me that a good approach involves networking, “It’s who you know.” He also recommended “physical encouragement”. I have not been able to confirm Mr. Tortellini’s credentials.
When your boss says you’ll get a 5% raise, how do you convince them you should get a 30% raise?
Dr. Tortellini again offered input, but of such a violent nature that this reporter is seriously questioning his credentials.
One option is to act like you’re hard of hearing, loudly. “30 percent, you say?” “No, no, FIVE percent.” “Thirty- FIVE percent! You are truly generous, Mr. Boeing! Now I can afford that kidney!” VOLUME is key here.
anonymous said...
Which is your favorite pick for the next President, Clinton or Obama?
My favorite pick is a lightweight Jim Dunlop with comfort grip. Makes strumming a breeze.
I’m not familiar with a guitar called “President”, but a guitar case with OBAMA inscribed would cause many potential difficulties in airports.
anonymous said...
What about John Edwards? He’s got nice hair.
Good input. You are correct, John Edwards has the appropriate Presidential hair.
anonymous said...
Should I keep working at Simplify?
Well, “anonymous”. The answer is, no. That is, no is the answer if you would like to live under a shopping cart by the freeway across from Splashtown.
If you mean, should you kick back and take it easy, i.e. “stop working” while employed at Simplify: this approach is not generally recommended. In fact, it is frowned upon.
bethc said...
so who wants to guess how many miles the US atlas indicates from Houston to Nashville...?
Not I, my tall reader. Not I.
In other news, the fast starts tomorrow night. So I'll be blogging during the day.
This depends on what you’re waiting for. If, for example, you are in line for a lobotomy, the “goodness” of said lobotomy is debatable. Or perhaps one is waiting in line for the lavatory at a Flying J. Wait if you will, gentle reader…. it won't be good.
What did Jesus really mean when he said we must become as children to enter the kingdom?
Wondering Wafer
According to my research, Jesus Carlos Menendez was referring to the 48” height limit on “Señor Jose’s Kingdom ‘o’ Fun”, due to the low ceilings.
georgia said...
If Toby is at the back door and he is traveling at an amazing 3mph with a whole piece of toast with jelly on it, and R2 is coming down the stairs heading to the front door at 1 mph and wearing a sombrero and talking about his shoes, At what point will impact take place and what will exactly happen to the toast. What exactly will be the outcome?
[shudder]
The known element is that the toast will land, jelly side down, on the carpet. This would be the case, even if Toby were eating his toast outdoors. In the scenario you mention, Toby would surrender the toast, quickly make his way up the stairs, remove his brother’s sombrero, put it on his head, fall down the remaining stairs into the toast, further embedding it into the carpet, and then proceed to sit on the remnants with the jelly smeared sombero and wail as Richy continued to make his way down the stairs.
josharoo said...
I am curious of (or at least want to laugh at) Smartypants’ advice to the following: What is the best way to get ahead at work?
Informing him (or her) that you are just looking for laughs is probably not the best approach, my dear reader.
What is the best way to get a promotion?
Dr. Vinny “the Shark” Tortellini, (Doctor of Philosophy, Harvard University) suggested to me that a good approach involves networking, “It’s who you know.” He also recommended “physical encouragement”. I have not been able to confirm Mr. Tortellini’s credentials.
When your boss says you’ll get a 5% raise, how do you convince them you should get a 30% raise?
Dr. Tortellini again offered input, but of such a violent nature that this reporter is seriously questioning his credentials.
One option is to act like you’re hard of hearing, loudly. “30 percent, you say?” “No, no, FIVE percent.” “Thirty- FIVE percent! You are truly generous, Mr. Boeing! Now I can afford that kidney!” VOLUME is key here.
anonymous said...
Which is your favorite pick for the next President, Clinton or Obama?
My favorite pick is a lightweight Jim Dunlop with comfort grip. Makes strumming a breeze.
I’m not familiar with a guitar called “President”, but a guitar case with OBAMA inscribed would cause many potential difficulties in airports.
anonymous said...
What about John Edwards? He’s got nice hair.
Good input. You are correct, John Edwards has the appropriate Presidential hair.
anonymous said...
Should I keep working at Simplify?
Well, “anonymous”. The answer is, no. That is, no is the answer if you would like to live under a shopping cart by the freeway across from Splashtown.
If you mean, should you kick back and take it easy, i.e. “stop working” while employed at Simplify: this approach is not generally recommended. In fact, it is frowned upon.
bethc said...
so who wants to guess how many miles the US atlas indicates from Houston to Nashville...?
Not I, my tall reader. Not I.
In other news, the fast starts tomorrow night. So I'll be blogging during the day.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Hey Jennifer! You're getting married tomorrow! I hope you haven't forgotten the million things you have to do! Or your vows! Or how you're going to get everything done in time! (snicker) No pressure, though. =D
So here's how it's going to go today. I will be doing a spontaneous weekend edition of Ms. Smartypants. You can submit your question in the comments, and I will try to post it, and its answer here on the front page before I start my media fast on Monday.
No offense if I miss your question. I may be picking and choosing, as this blog is not the only thing I do.
For more info on the 40 day fast, check out the CALL
So here's how it's going to go today. I will be doing a spontaneous weekend edition of Ms. Smartypants. You can submit your question in the comments, and I will try to post it, and its answer here on the front page before I start my media fast on Monday.
No offense if I miss your question. I may be picking and choosing, as this blog is not the only thing I do.
For more info on the 40 day fast, check out the CALL
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Man, yesterday was rough. It was like Mommy's Bad Ideas- Greatest Hits!
• Let's eat in the car!
• Let's go to the library during naptime!
• Let's let Toby fall asleep in the van so he will wake up as soon as we get home, creating the 10-minute nap syndrome!
• Let's put Toby in his bed hoping he will fall asleep!
• Let's put R2 in timeout so his shrill shrieking wakes up not just Toby, but Brynn! (and the saints in Christ)
and so on. yowza.
Anyway. Hopefully I can make better moves today.
NEWSFLASH:
I have to get saved. If that's news to you, you're not terribly observant. If that sounds mean to you, it's probably because I need to get saved.
Anyway. I will be joining all the peeps on the 40 day fast beginning Monday. Not food. I'm providing milk for a small village around here. But entertainment. Primarily the Internets. So the blog will be shutting down from May 27th until after the Call. Have you heard about the CALL? You should GO.
So, the enormously popular Ms. Smartypants column will be closing after just one week of publication. But it will resume, magically, when I return.
I'll be around till Monday, however.
• Let's eat in the car!
• Let's go to the library during naptime!
• Let's let Toby fall asleep in the van so he will wake up as soon as we get home, creating the 10-minute nap syndrome!
• Let's put Toby in his bed hoping he will fall asleep!
• Let's put R2 in timeout so his shrill shrieking wakes up not just Toby, but Brynn! (and the saints in Christ)
and so on. yowza.
Anyway. Hopefully I can make better moves today.
NEWSFLASH:
I have to get saved. If that's news to you, you're not terribly observant. If that sounds mean to you, it's probably because I need to get saved.
Anyway. I will be joining all the peeps on the 40 day fast beginning Monday. Not food. I'm providing milk for a small village around here. But entertainment. Primarily the Internets. So the blog will be shutting down from May 27th until after the Call. Have you heard about the CALL? You should GO.
So, the enormously popular Ms. Smartypants column will be closing after just one week of publication. But it will resume, magically, when I return.
I'll be around till Monday, however.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
American Idol last night.... pew-eeeee!
I think my boy threw it. I think he didn't want to win. Not that he could have outsung Teen Sensation ™ Jordin, anyway. But he coulda put on a show. I'm still watching tonight. I heart finales... especially ones with my boy Taylor Hicks on them.
Never made it to the library.... maybe today, she says wistfully.
I'm sick of oatmeal. SICK, I tell you. I don't like cereal, and toast and eggs and such are too much work. What do you people eat for breakfast? And by "you people" I mean no offense to my racially Caucasian-heavy readership.
Reader question of the day: 4. Explain the difference in living in Palestine, Israel and Palestine Texas.
Well, reader request of the day, anyway.
(disclaimer: responses are tongue-in-cheek. If that makes no sense to you, I mean I'm joking)
The difference is clear. One is a tense, paternalistic society focused on territorial wars and child-bearing. The streets are not safe, and every object is a potential weapon. Sometimes, you get in pretty bad fights with the neighbors. The communities are close-knit and secretive at times. And .....
Toby just wandered by munching on a pizza crust. This is concerning as we had pizza for dinner yesterday. I'm off to find the stash.
......
I think my boy threw it. I think he didn't want to win. Not that he could have outsung Teen Sensation ™ Jordin, anyway. But he coulda put on a show. I'm still watching tonight. I heart finales... especially ones with my boy Taylor Hicks on them.
Never made it to the library.... maybe today, she says wistfully.
I'm sick of oatmeal. SICK, I tell you. I don't like cereal, and toast and eggs and such are too much work. What do you people eat for breakfast? And by "you people" I mean no offense to my racially Caucasian-heavy readership.
Reader question of the day: 4. Explain the difference in living in Palestine, Israel and Palestine Texas.
Well, reader request of the day, anyway.
(disclaimer: responses are tongue-in-cheek. If that makes no sense to you, I mean I'm joking)
The difference is clear. One is a tense, paternalistic society focused on territorial wars and child-bearing. The streets are not safe, and every object is a potential weapon. Sometimes, you get in pretty bad fights with the neighbors. The communities are close-knit and secretive at times. And .....
Toby just wandered by munching on a pizza crust. This is concerning as we had pizza for dinner yesterday. I'm off to find the stash.
......
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Hey, keep this on the DL, will you? (ebonics alert: DL=down low, referencing quietness or secrecy)
I think God has me mixed up with someone. Somebody good.
Brynn slept 5 hours in a row last night, and then the boys slept till 9 this morning.
Whoever got my life is probably fasting by now.
Are you going to the Call Nashville? GO. (The Call)
Yesterday I made chili and beans and cornbread. It's a poor man's smorgasboard over here. I accidentally made everything pretty spicy, though. I mean, me and R2 were chowing.... and Toby was wiping his tongue with his hand and draining sippy after sippy. And then Daddy was looking a little rough. So, maybe I have to rinse the leftover pintos before Toby's next round.
But, yeah, I actually cooked! Amazing what sleep can do. And now that Brynn sleeps all night (twice) and is awake all day... maybe we should venture out. We'll see if it works. Might try the library today.
American Idol tonight- the final competition. Gotta tell you... I'm rooting for Blake. Even if he has a snowball's chance in Texas.
He is so creative and fun. Jordin's a great singer... but you know, you seen one seen em all and so on....
That's correct. I will not be at church. I will be at home, engaged in the hedonistic pleasures of television. But seriously... have you seen Toby at church? The MOG will be there.
Reader question of the day: 3. How much makeup is too much makeup?
If you have to ask....
I think God has me mixed up with someone. Somebody good.
Brynn slept 5 hours in a row last night, and then the boys slept till 9 this morning.
Whoever got my life is probably fasting by now.
Are you going to the Call Nashville? GO. (The Call)
Yesterday I made chili and beans and cornbread. It's a poor man's smorgasboard over here. I accidentally made everything pretty spicy, though. I mean, me and R2 were chowing.... and Toby was wiping his tongue with his hand and draining sippy after sippy. And then Daddy was looking a little rough. So, maybe I have to rinse the leftover pintos before Toby's next round.
But, yeah, I actually cooked! Amazing what sleep can do. And now that Brynn sleeps all night (twice) and is awake all day... maybe we should venture out. We'll see if it works. Might try the library today.
American Idol tonight- the final competition. Gotta tell you... I'm rooting for Blake. Even if he has a snowball's chance in Texas.
He is so creative and fun. Jordin's a great singer... but you know, you seen one seen em all and so on....
That's correct. I will not be at church. I will be at home, engaged in the hedonistic pleasures of television. But seriously... have you seen Toby at church? The MOG will be there.
Reader question of the day: 3. How much makeup is too much makeup?
If you have to ask....
Monday, May 21, 2007
Here is the first installment of my advice, support and information column. Questions can be submitted Friday through Sunday, and will be answered on Monday. Questions Monday through Thursday?? You're on your own. Take it like a man.
georgia said...
1. When is it appropriate to wear pantyhose ?
Good question, gentle reader. It is appropriate to wear pantyhose at any occasion, but especially with high-waisted jeans and orthopedic shoes or sandals. This makes for a neat and attractive appearance.
2. If God is I AM does that make the devil I AM NOT ?
The devil is classically referred to as, I AIN’T. A grammarian’s hell is everyone’s hell.
3. Why does Eminem dance in ways we would scold our children from doing in public?
This reporter believes Eminem, or “Marshall” may have some incontinence issues, thus he regularly employs what is commonly known as the “pee-pee dance”.
4. How many times in one day can Toby climb into places he is not supposed to be?
Assuming “Toby” wakes up at 8 a.m., and goes to bed at 9 p.m., with a 2 hour nap, 330 would be a loose estimate.
~*~crystal~*~ said...
5. So is like kissing before you’re married like sin? LOL
Dear reader… my, dear, dear reader. Of course it is.
anonymous said...
6. dear jess,
why is it that my froggy makes me smile? I.T.
Batrachomania, I would suspect.
josharoo said...
7. How popular worldwide is eating frog legs?
Frog legs have lost popularity in most civilized nations. They are still quite favored in France, along with cowardice and “weenie” mustaches.
clammy said...
8. i had 2 really good questions, and i really tried hard on them, and then google did something crazy, and they're GONE! SHOULD I SUE?
Yes.
josharoo said...
9. How many empire state buildings could fit on their sides in Boeing's Everett, WA airplane plant (the largest building in the world by volume
It’s unlikely that you could fit any Empire State Buildings in said building. There is only one, and the legalities of removing it are quite iffy. Also in question is the logistics of moving it to Washington, and turning it on its side. And what would you do with all the airplanes? Silly reader.
10. Why did I have to start plucking ear hairs in my mid-20’s?
This reporter suspects that is when you began your mating rituals.
11. Why do clams do frivolous law suits?
Our society is increasingly litigious. It is no surprise to this reporter that sealife would be drawn into the fray.
anonymous said...
12. why do the folks in australia eat joshburgers? & what do they taste like?
From the site http://www.crabwalk.com/archive/2004/02/ :
“If you’re curious what goes into my Louisiana-themed Joshburger (this makes three burgers):
1 pound lean ground beef A few shizzle-dizzles of Tony Chachere’s Original Creole Seasoning [Chachere’s is pronounced “SASH-er-ees,” by the way. If you can’t remember the spelling, you can always get to the web site via icantspellit.com.]
A few shiznits of Tiger Sauce
A few schlemiels of boring ol’ grated parmesan cheese A few schlemazels of Worcestershire sauce
Mix it all in a bowl. Fashion it into three patties — make ‘em a little skinny, like a modified hot dog.
Grill it up (go George!) to medium rare — about four minutes. While that’s going on, slather Zatarain’s creole mustard on two hot dog buns.
Then split the patty in half and slap ‘em on the buns. (Note: This frankfurter-fueled improvisation was caused by my lack of hamburger buns. But it works!) Then — this is key — sprinkle a little extra Tony Chachere’s and splatter a little extra Tiger Sauce on the meat.”
This sounds especially tasty to this reporter as she eats her lukewarm oatmeal. The likelihood of a random Louisiana blogger’s recipe rocking the continent of Australia is slim.
josharoo said...
13. Why do Anons never give a name or handle, even after being told to?
There’s no accounting for some anons.
anonymous said...
18. how many times in one hour can Toby get into mischief?
I.T.
At a rate of one misdeed per 3 minutes (a conservative estimate), 20 times.
bethc said...
19. how many children did the old woman who lived in the shoe have? was it an old shoe or a new shoe?
It depends on the region in which the tale is told. In The Woodlands, Texas, that would be three children. In Rice Village, one.
The age of the shoe: In the Woodlands, 24.
In Rice Village, 39.
shannon2-24 said...
20. How many pecks of pickled peppers did Peter Piper EAT? I don't care how many he picked.. how many did he EAT?
The tone of this question is a little hostile to this reporter. Nonetheless, he ate 16 peppers.
21. Is it okay to not sweep up the floor under a highchair after every food-flying fun session?
Absolutely. The key is removing all debris at 4:30, so persons of the male persuasion don’t have to look at the filth and chaos of 300 Cheerios™ and assorted ends of Vienna Sausage. Or buying a large racecar rug and placing it under said chair.
22. Is it okay to be totally in awe of your child when they keep clapping over & over at MOPS while the leaders are giving away gifts (Oprah favorite's style) while everyone is repeatedly clapping? It is, unless your child is a “punk”.
23. Do many moms occasionally bop their child's head on the inside of the car roof while pulling the child from the car seat?? Yes. The child will eventually develop protective mechanisms like arching and throwing himself from the vehicle as soon as his restraints are removed.
24. What was the temperature here in the NW this last Monday the 14th??
I don’t know, but I would venture a guess:
High 57 °F / 13 °C
Low 41 °F / 5 °C
25. a serious one: Why do you think that God required blood/death to pay the remission of sins? first with animals, then our Saviour, once for all. this has been something I've wondered. something we'll never understand? just because sin is serious? why not just give grace?
A world where evil went unpunished would be hell on earth. The subsitutionary principle of redemption is grace.
angelag said...
26. QUESTION: If you're (pretend it's me) walking on a road in the mountainous woods...let's say...Colorado Rockies, and two bears are coming toward you from your left at an increased rate of speed. On your right is a potentially frightened skunk. Directly in front of you is a rattle snake, and behind you is a cliff with unknown bottom. What advice would you give me for that moment?
I would quit pretending I was you and finish my oatmeal. Advice for you? I would, to use the vernacular, “Put your head between your knees and kiss your butt goodbye.”
anonymous said...
27. Dear Jessica, My little brother took my pet cricket and feed it to his pet iguana. Now I want to take his pet iguana and feed it to my pet boa constrictor. If I do this, he may take my pet boa and feed it to his pet 12 foot alligator. Should I feed his pet iguana to my pet boa? Sincerely, Reptile in the Republic
This reporter is surprised that a parent has not fed you both to the alligator. Your home sounds like a swamp. Feed the iguana and the boa to the alligator, then set the alligator loose in Artesian Lakes. They will know what to do.
angelag said...
28. Let's say that one's parents raised their child telling them that they ("one") were raised by the monkeys. Then, as an adult, one starts growing hair on one's knuckles. Should one believe that their parents were, in fact, telling the truth all those years, and not just trying to make their sweet child cry and feel adopted? And, if so, should one then return to the monkey home they ("one") were apparently raised in? ...Even though there was no memory of said monkey raising.
This is the kind of question that keeps dedicated, serious bloggers going. By all means, return to your monkey home.
anonymous said...
29. If a twister by twisting, could twist a twist with three twists of his twister, he twist the twist. And if in twisting the twist, he untwist one twist; did the twist that untwisted untwist the whole twist?? ~Ruminating in Romania
That depends on what was twisted. If it was a birthday streamer, it would be entirely untwisted. If it were a more twist-holding substance, the jury is out. If it was in fact, a tornado, everything would be untwisted. Unless it was a twister in Shenandaoh, in which case the local constabulary would have it incarcerated for twisting at 47 mph in a 45 zone.
georgia said...
1. When is it appropriate to wear pantyhose ?
Good question, gentle reader. It is appropriate to wear pantyhose at any occasion, but especially with high-waisted jeans and orthopedic shoes or sandals. This makes for a neat and attractive appearance.
2. If God is I AM does that make the devil I AM NOT ?
The devil is classically referred to as, I AIN’T. A grammarian’s hell is everyone’s hell.
3. Why does Eminem dance in ways we would scold our children from doing in public?
This reporter believes Eminem, or “Marshall” may have some incontinence issues, thus he regularly employs what is commonly known as the “pee-pee dance”.
4. How many times in one day can Toby climb into places he is not supposed to be?
Assuming “Toby” wakes up at 8 a.m., and goes to bed at 9 p.m., with a 2 hour nap, 330 would be a loose estimate.
~*~crystal~*~ said...
5. So is like kissing before you’re married like sin? LOL
Dear reader… my, dear, dear reader. Of course it is.
anonymous said...
6. dear jess,
why is it that my froggy makes me smile? I.T.
Batrachomania, I would suspect.
josharoo said...
7. How popular worldwide is eating frog legs?
Frog legs have lost popularity in most civilized nations. They are still quite favored in France, along with cowardice and “weenie” mustaches.
clammy said...
8. i had 2 really good questions, and i really tried hard on them, and then google did something crazy, and they're GONE! SHOULD I SUE?
Yes.
josharoo said...
9. How many empire state buildings could fit on their sides in Boeing's Everett, WA airplane plant (the largest building in the world by volume
It’s unlikely that you could fit any Empire State Buildings in said building. There is only one, and the legalities of removing it are quite iffy. Also in question is the logistics of moving it to Washington, and turning it on its side. And what would you do with all the airplanes? Silly reader.
10. Why did I have to start plucking ear hairs in my mid-20’s?
This reporter suspects that is when you began your mating rituals.
11. Why do clams do frivolous law suits?
Our society is increasingly litigious. It is no surprise to this reporter that sealife would be drawn into the fray.
anonymous said...
12. why do the folks in australia eat joshburgers? & what do they taste like?
From the site http://www.crabwalk.com/archive/2004/02/ :
“If you’re curious what goes into my Louisiana-themed Joshburger (this makes three burgers):
1 pound lean ground beef A few shizzle-dizzles of Tony Chachere’s Original Creole Seasoning [Chachere’s is pronounced “SASH-er-ees,” by the way. If you can’t remember the spelling, you can always get to the web site via icantspellit.com.]
A few shiznits of Tiger Sauce
A few schlemiels of boring ol’ grated parmesan cheese A few schlemazels of Worcestershire sauce
Mix it all in a bowl. Fashion it into three patties — make ‘em a little skinny, like a modified hot dog.
Grill it up (go George!) to medium rare — about four minutes. While that’s going on, slather Zatarain’s creole mustard on two hot dog buns.
Then split the patty in half and slap ‘em on the buns. (Note: This frankfurter-fueled improvisation was caused by my lack of hamburger buns. But it works!) Then — this is key — sprinkle a little extra Tony Chachere’s and splatter a little extra Tiger Sauce on the meat.”
This sounds especially tasty to this reporter as she eats her lukewarm oatmeal. The likelihood of a random Louisiana blogger’s recipe rocking the continent of Australia is slim.
josharoo said...
13. Why do Anons never give a name or handle, even after being told to?
There’s no accounting for some anons.
anonymous said...
18. how many times in one hour can Toby get into mischief?
I.T.
At a rate of one misdeed per 3 minutes (a conservative estimate), 20 times.
bethc said...
19. how many children did the old woman who lived in the shoe have? was it an old shoe or a new shoe?
It depends on the region in which the tale is told. In The Woodlands, Texas, that would be three children. In Rice Village, one.
The age of the shoe: In the Woodlands, 24.
In Rice Village, 39.
shannon2-24 said...
20. How many pecks of pickled peppers did Peter Piper EAT? I don't care how many he picked.. how many did he EAT?
The tone of this question is a little hostile to this reporter. Nonetheless, he ate 16 peppers.
21. Is it okay to not sweep up the floor under a highchair after every food-flying fun session?
Absolutely. The key is removing all debris at 4:30, so persons of the male persuasion don’t have to look at the filth and chaos of 300 Cheerios™ and assorted ends of Vienna Sausage. Or buying a large racecar rug and placing it under said chair.
22. Is it okay to be totally in awe of your child when they keep clapping over & over at MOPS while the leaders are giving away gifts (Oprah favorite's style) while everyone is repeatedly clapping? It is, unless your child is a “punk”.
23. Do many moms occasionally bop their child's head on the inside of the car roof while pulling the child from the car seat?? Yes. The child will eventually develop protective mechanisms like arching and throwing himself from the vehicle as soon as his restraints are removed.
24. What was the temperature here in the NW this last Monday the 14th??
I don’t know, but I would venture a guess:
High 57 °F / 13 °C
Low 41 °F / 5 °C
25. a serious one: Why do you think that God required blood/death to pay the remission of sins? first with animals, then our Saviour, once for all. this has been something I've wondered. something we'll never understand? just because sin is serious? why not just give grace?
A world where evil went unpunished would be hell on earth. The subsitutionary principle of redemption is grace.
angelag said...
26. QUESTION: If you're (pretend it's me) walking on a road in the mountainous woods...let's say...Colorado Rockies, and two bears are coming toward you from your left at an increased rate of speed. On your right is a potentially frightened skunk. Directly in front of you is a rattle snake, and behind you is a cliff with unknown bottom. What advice would you give me for that moment?
I would quit pretending I was you and finish my oatmeal. Advice for you? I would, to use the vernacular, “Put your head between your knees and kiss your butt goodbye.”
anonymous said...
27. Dear Jessica, My little brother took my pet cricket and feed it to his pet iguana. Now I want to take his pet iguana and feed it to my pet boa constrictor. If I do this, he may take my pet boa and feed it to his pet 12 foot alligator. Should I feed his pet iguana to my pet boa? Sincerely, Reptile in the Republic
This reporter is surprised that a parent has not fed you both to the alligator. Your home sounds like a swamp. Feed the iguana and the boa to the alligator, then set the alligator loose in Artesian Lakes. They will know what to do.
angelag said...
28. Let's say that one's parents raised their child telling them that they ("one") were raised by the monkeys. Then, as an adult, one starts growing hair on one's knuckles. Should one believe that their parents were, in fact, telling the truth all those years, and not just trying to make their sweet child cry and feel adopted? And, if so, should one then return to the monkey home they ("one") were apparently raised in? ...Even though there was no memory of said monkey raising.
This is the kind of question that keeps dedicated, serious bloggers going. By all means, return to your monkey home.
anonymous said...
29. If a twister by twisting, could twist a twist with three twists of his twister, he twist the twist. And if in twisting the twist, he untwist one twist; did the twist that untwisted untwist the whole twist?? ~Ruminating in Romania
That depends on what was twisted. If it was a birthday streamer, it would be entirely untwisted. If it were a more twist-holding substance, the jury is out. If it was in fact, a tornado, everything would be untwisted. Unless it was a twister in Shenandaoh, in which case the local constabulary would have it incarcerated for twisting at 47 mph in a 45 zone.
Friday, May 18, 2007
You know what bugs me? The misuse of the word "literally". People just throw it around. " I literally ate until my stomach exploded." and so forth. No, that would be figuratively or something. Literal is, well, literal.
But enough with the complaining, right? I'm getting on my own nerves. So here's what I'm thinking. I should start an advice column. I know! It's so obvious! Shoulda done it ages ago.
Not real advice, mind you.
Here's how it should go. On Fridays, you submit your interesting and/or funny questions. Etiquette, advice (cooking,pop culture, parenting, you name it) questions and so on. Monday's blog will have the answers.
That's right. In a span of three days, I should literally be able to make up an answer that amuses me.
So get busy! This will not be interesting unless you submit questions. Only lame. C'mon, do it for the children.
But enough with the complaining, right? I'm getting on my own nerves. So here's what I'm thinking. I should start an advice column. I know! It's so obvious! Shoulda done it ages ago.
Not real advice, mind you.
Here's how it should go. On Fridays, you submit your interesting and/or funny questions. Etiquette, advice (cooking,pop culture, parenting, you name it) questions and so on. Monday's blog will have the answers.
That's right. In a span of three days, I should literally be able to make up an answer that amuses me.
So get busy! This will not be interesting unless you submit questions. Only lame. C'mon, do it for the children.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I have completed my viewing of my American Idol tape. Thus the comments section will be rife with spoilers. Or one spoiler, really.
Nothing much to say today. Tried to take Brynn to a new doctor, but it didn't work out with insurances and annoyances and whatnot. I'll have to work on all that, but more importantly, I have to sleep.
We were headed toward Target to try to complete the increasingly complicated camera exchange, when the wails from the backseat clued me in ... we should probably go home and nap first. So here we are.
Very soon I will have witty things to say again. Probably.
Have you watched this? You should.
Nothing much to say today. Tried to take Brynn to a new doctor, but it didn't work out with insurances and annoyances and whatnot. I'll have to work on all that, but more importantly, I have to sleep.
We were headed toward Target to try to complete the increasingly complicated camera exchange, when the wails from the backseat clued me in ... we should probably go home and nap first. So here we are.
Very soon I will have witty things to say again. Probably.
Have you watched this? You should.
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