I forgot my own blog's birthday.... what kinda rotten... anyways.
Happy 2 years to my blog! Wahooo!
I first began this blog when I was anticipating bedrest in my Toby pregnancy. He was the size of a lime. He is now the size of.... hang on... I have to think of something.nothing comes to mind. He is the size of a 23 pound 19 month old. BIG. He is currently sitting in his high chair downing scrambled eggs like a linebacker. And to think 2 years ago I was really not sure he was real...

Then, about 6 months after he was born, it got boring around here. And so I announced I was pregnant with Brynn. Well, Brynn is almost 6 months old, and it's boring again, so....



You can breathe now, I'm just yanking your chain... Anyway, this blog has been amazing for me and cathartic. And so, off we go into the third year of the ol' gal.

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This morning Toby was screeching and R2 was still asleep. So I went and got Toby and I was telling him "Shhh..." And off he goes, "Shh.. chicka chicka bum bum Shh..." He's going to be a champion beatboxer... seriously. I can tell when he's doing cymbals, bass kick, snare... the kid is some kinda prodigy.

I got my drivers license at the young age of 21. Then I drove a lot for 4 months and eventually drove into an 18 wheeler. Then I didn't drive at all for about 18 months. So that's the background. Me and R2 ran the roads. We were unstoppable. That kid would sleep anywhere, go anywhere. Eat whatever. For 6 years this went on. Maybe I got a little cocky. Maybe it went to my head a little.
I would write more but I only have two hours, maybe 3 before Toby has to be napping in his own bed. CAN I... buy groceries at Walmart, go to the bank, Office Depot and maybe Old Navy?? We shall see.

(God: MUAHAHAHAHA)

I'm here. I just can't think of anything to say.
So there you go.
Hey! I thought of something... if you're local, please spread the word about our CD Recording Sunday night! It's going to be an amazing time of worship....

josharoo said...
Mrs. Smartypants,

What did the Jones’ do to be chosen for the phrase “Keeping up with the Jones’?”
Frederick X. Jones, that great emancipator and poet… his contributions to society will not quickly be forgotten. He invented the paper clip, which had enormous success and made him a wealthy man. Very quickly, though, he fell into dissolution and wild hedonism. In a holding cell in the deepest regions of Antartica, he met Ms. Penelope Cedarwocky, who gladly married him to escape her last name. Together, they invented the binder clip, and the rest is history.

josharoo said...
Mrs. Smartypants,

Please tell us more about you, such as your family history, where you grew up, what you do for a living, and info about your spouse.
This is a subject for another day, dear reader. Maybe even a book. Or miniseries.

anonymous said...
Smartypants,

When will the imperial George W. Bush be impeached?
On that day of porcine soaring, my dear reader.

anonymous said...
Dear Ms Smartypants,

What is best color to choose for fingernails & toes? There are so many wonderful colors from which to choose that it is sometimes overwhelming. Help!
abd123doremi
Many young readers like to adorn themselves in dark fingernail polish and go about looking like their hands have been in a terrible accident (see: green eyeshadow). This reporter even knows of one rockstar who may or may not be this reporter’s brother wearing black fingernail polish. Not advisable… I recommend a bright-ish shade of coral, almost a violent coral. A shade that assaults the senses of passers-by.

anonymous said...
Yes, when will Americans wake up and smell the fascism of W?
32 degrees Farenheit. Perdition.

bethc said...
here's amillion dollar question:
which is more profitable? faith or hardwork and good stewardship when it comes to supernatural provision?
If this reporter had a million dollars, she would tell you.

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There were a lot more questions... maybe I shall answer some this week. But now, I must be the submissive wifey and go do the MOG's errands...

and CHECK THIS OUT! Noooooooooooo
Snaggletooth!

Ms. Smartypants is a weekly advice/information column appearing on Mondays. You may submit your questions now (Friday) through Sunday night (sunday night). We reserve the right to skip questions and/or make up answers that amuse "us".
So. please submit your questions. The more questions, the more amusing the potential answers.

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Nothing to report... snuck out of bed today, all was quiet. As soon as I sat down in here at the computer, all the chillrun woke up. Story of my life. We were supposed to go to a swimming get-together at Leah's shmancy new house today, but alas, the rain. Still, there is potential for a hen party.

Thinking, percolating, eTc. Wouldn't you like to know....

Now, you're probably asking yourself: "What happened? Did she go to the library? What shenanigans did Toby pull? Where is she
?? It's past noon and I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. Did she go to Walmart?" (broken muffled sobs)
Gotta make you want it, folks. Supply and demand.
I went to the library. I decided to start on the Z end of fiction, since I have thoroughly canvassed A-C pre-meltdown previously. Made it to K. Not bad, not bad at all. Of course, my policy is bail almost immediately after a Level 1 whine commences, to provide time and space for the Level 3 in the van. So I got about 10 books, and I have read 1 1/2 because I LOVE to read and I sneak in a chapter here and there whilst browning hamburger meat and such.
The JOY of a stack of unread books. Anyways.

So then we were off to the kitchen, otherwise known as McDonalds. Did you know they don't have Texas Homestyle burgers out of state? I mean, it makes sense but you POOR other staters!
And then we had to go to the Toyota dealership, because a Maintenance Required light came on in the van. If that light came on in the Corolla, we'd just be so happy that the light worked. But in the new hoity-toity van, no can do. So I took myself, my FULL warranty, my 3 childrens, my homestyle burger, fries and coke, and 6 nuggets and massive twin stroller in and waited for 19.7 hours (exaggeration) and got my oil changed and my tires rotated. Those snakes in the grass at Toyota... shooting off warning lights for routine maintenance. And the warranty doesn't cover routine maintenance. SO there you go. Toby was the delight of the waiting area... and then he was getting kind of annoying. And then he was REALLY ready to go. And then, 12 hours later we went.
After this, did I attempt Walmart? Aw HECK no.

Today, after naptime. It shall be done.

My mission, should I choose to accept it: Go NOW, in the narrow window of time between breakfast and nap. Procure library books. Then, pick up a prescription and some essentials (i.e. ice cream) at Walmart. Return home before the meltdown.
But first, change shirts because peanut butter is not an accessory.

Wish me luck.

Getting a pretty late start today... got home from a meeting with the Radiants last night post-midnight. So my boys slept till 10. And I did NOT stop them. Me and Bean had a peaceful little morning of reading and smiling at each other.

So the clamor about Richy's back, it hurts my ears. Enough already. Here's the story. (Secondhand, as I am not Richy and also I did not attend church.) Richy was at church alone, as we overslept and it was too much work to get the babies ready and so on. He was worshipping and turned this way or that way, and something in his back slipped, and he fell down on the floor because a)his back gave out and b)there is a distinct possibility he is a drama queen, So then he is laying (or lying) on the floor on his back and no one will look at him because they think he's worshipping. The fact is, at our church people do strange things when they worship, sometimes. So laying on your back is not unusual. And he's trying to make eye contact but no one sees. So he gives up and just goes ahead and worships. Then, at offering time, everyone is carefully stepping around him but not looking at him. Until he finally gets his mom with the Viking Death Stare, and she comes and helps him. And people give him drugs and carry him out. And then he comes home and lays or lies on the couch in true pain (see, I'm not heartless), and sleeps and such. So there you go.
Here's the deal. I know it hurt. Insanely. I'm just saying that if it happened to a woman, it would have gone down differently. Just saying, that's all.

jess said...
Ms. Smartypants-
Why, at 4:30 on Friday, are there NO questions for your enlightening column?
Well, “Jess”, and may I say, what a lovely name and articulate question!! Ruling out a nuclear explosion in the metropolis of Conroe, Texas- this reporter would assume her readers were “testing the water”.


josharoo said...
Dear Ms. Smartypants, 
How big of pants does it take to be so smarty? Would shorts do?
My dear reader- this is one of those questions a gentleman never asks a lady. Yankee traditions have no hold here in the beautiful nation of Texas.


clammy said...
Dear Ms. Smartypants,
In reference to this week's introduction, "We reserve the right to skip questions because our brain gets tired. But go ahead and ask! "
.......
Who exactly is "we"?
“We” could be a reference to royalty, i.e. Queen Victoria’s statement “We are not amused.” Or, we are schizophrenic. But most of us do not believe this to be the case.


anonymous said...
Dear Ms Smartypants:
Why do I always need a nap on Saturdays & Sundays?
abc123

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,/ Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,/ As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.”
Edgar Allan Poe
(If you don’t know the story, this fellow is about to have BAD LUCK. Better to skip the nap)


anonymous said...
Ms Smartypants,
Why are some people so messy?! Why can't they be thoughtful enough to clean after themselves; put their dishes in the dishwasher or at least rinse them out in the sink?!
Why must they always leave food out on the countertop to tempt roaches & ants?!
What's up with them anyway? Is it laziness? Thoughtlessness? Stupidity? What! What! What???
First of all, my overexerted reader, calm down. Are your guests perhaps of the rodent variety? Like maybe a human sized rat? One cannot expect good manners from rats. They are notorious for slovenly habits. If your offenders are human, might I suggest, in the vernacular, a “whupping”. Does wonders.


clammy said...
Ms. Smartypants,
Why did Francis Schaeffer wear a skirt?
One morning, upon awakening in Plano, Texas, Francis SueEllen Schaeffer decided to forgo her fashionable lime green polyester slacks and white Dr. Scholls and instead opted for a tasteful blue polyester knee-length pleated skirt and brown Dr. Scholls, accompanied by a blue-tinted pair of size Q pantyhose. There were many reasons behind this choice, thought Tweety the obese Persian knock-off cat as he kneaded his claws into the needlepoint pillow of Princess Diana.
However, as cats are unable to speak, we may never know (this side of heaven) what drove Francis to this point.


viking granny :0) said...
Dear Ms.Spartymants
Why is it, every time I Need to balance checkbook, and go through my bills and paperwork, that I realize my closet needs cleaning out, or the floor needs to be swept, or the dog needs a good brushing?
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. ~Mark Twain


anonymous said...
Ms. Smartypants,
Why do you think you're smart enough to answer all these questions? 
I.B. Smarterer
“I.B.”- Have I given any indication, besides my pithy and wildly-successful weekly column, that I am smarter than the average run of the mill layperson? I ask you. As a representative of the weak-minded and malleable masses, you can tell me.

Ms. Smartypants will be accepting questions from now until an arbitrary point on Sunday. We reserve the right to skip questions because our brain gets tired. But go ahead and ask!

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Last night I went and watched Leah dance at the Freedom Fellowship conference. Unbelievable. I have never seen anyone else do what she does. I mean, there are awesome dancers, anointed dancers. But she is like a human flame. And last night was some kind of graduation, or a beginning... I don't know. It was significant.
Tonight, my man Kevin Prosch will be leading worship. I missed him at the Call... we were backstage while Richy was getting ready to be interviewed... ( he got bumped, so that's why he ain't famous yet), but I digress. We could hear Kev in the background, and I hate that we missed it. So tonight, I'm there. And YES the baby has earplugs if she needs them.