I live in reality. When you have a 13 year old that is not
potty-trained, there is little glamour in life. I’ve heard that it’s common to
fantasize about another life, but I really don’t. I just fantasize about my
same life with more money.
If I were obscenely wealthy, I would buy things that I need, from the SkyMall catalog. At least I think I would. I don’t know,
because right now, I don’t mean to brag, but I could totally buy name-brand
Kleenex if I wanted to. That’s the kinda money we’re talking about. But I
don’t, I never buy real Kleenex because I’m going to blow my nose on it and it seems absurd to spend the extra 30 cents
or whatever it is. So I might freeze up and have to buy the GreatValuejet
instead of the Learjet. I’d be buying all my Prada at the resale store and
still trying to reuse baggies, which never works.
But maybe if it just got crazy and I had more money than I
could figure out to do with, rooms of money like Scrooge McDuck, I’d totally do
deep stuff like saving orphans and buying can openers for the homeless and
stuff, but then I’d have to buy some of the very practical items featured in
SkyMall.
Like a 6 foot lifelike medieval knight statue. If you don’t want that, we’re through. I’d just
put him in the dining room, over in the corner, and not mention him. A bargain
at $650.00.
Or these rechargeable heated slippers. For approximately
$140 I could have uncomfortably warm heated indoor shoes that one of my
children would carry into the backyard and bury with an avocado seed, for a “guacamole
tree”.
I’m gonna stop now, because I’m uninspired and also, I have to
go buy some groceries. But rest assured, I’m thinking of more stuff that I
need.
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